Chapter Seven
Then
I honestly don’t know why I married Lauren. I knew, deep in my heart, that it wouldn’t,couldn’tlast, even though I could never admit it to her, or to anyone else, either.
Not when my heart and soul still belonged to Christopher Bruunt as much as, if not more than, the day I said goodbye to him in Daytona.
But that was twenty-plus years in the past, andwho knew if he even remembered me.
I never forgot him. He’s part of me now, would always own that dark and shadowy section of my soul that he discovered and unlocked for me.
Everyone said Lauren and Ilookedgood together. That we were an adorable power couple. And I did love her, even if I meant it differently than she did.
I’m pretty sure Dad wanted to fuck her. I felt increasingly embarrassedto bring her to family functions, because I wanted to smack him for how he ignored Mom in Lauren’s presence, how he fawned all over Lauren in a creepy way that made my skin crawl and wonder what the hell he might be doing behind Mom’s back when he was in DC.
None of that was Lauren’s fault. She was a true sweetheart, loving and playful when she wasn’t in serious work mode. We were friends first,and maybe that made all the difference.
Yes, I suppose she was my beard.
Thank god for prenups, not that she was a gold-digger, anyway. With her career goals, I thinkshewould have asked for a prenup had I not brought it up first.
* * * *
I first meet Lauren while working at FNB’s smaller—and, at that time, more conservative—sister network, USNN. When she’s hired, I’ve been there two yearsand am working as a paid associate producer for a show calledThe Off-Beat Path, which runs late Saturday nights.
Which, yes, I know damn well it’s made fun of and calledThe Beat-Off Pathby others. It’s literally theonlyliberal-leaning show on the whole network, which is why it gets the shittiest time slot they have. But it also allows USNN to claim they provide “fair and balanced coverage.”Its host, Bill Elleren, is frequently trotted out as the token liberal on panels on other shows.
The network’s claims of providing balanced coverage is total bullshit, and we all know it. But when offered a chance to start there, I take it. I put my heart and soul into trying to do exactly what Bill wanted to accomplish—honest, thoughtful reporting that was more than simply reciting headlines,but far more honest than every other commentator on the network. His career at that point had hit a slow, inevitable downhill slide. He arrived at USNN at the network’s start, after losing his time slot at MSNBC to a guy twenty years his junior and with a much larger Instagram fan base.
Bill’s had a divorce, a heart attack, two stints in rehab for alcoholism, and is basically riding out the lasttwelve months of his contract before he retires. We don’t film live—we tape Bill’s in-studio segments late on Saturday afternoons, in case there’s been any developing news Friday night. That’s supplemented with pre-taped packages and interviews, and then it’s spliced together, edited, and put in the can to air that night.
Lauren is a year younger than me, and this is also her first paid gig forthe network. She holds more conservative views than I do but, like me, socially she’s very liberal. We both have aspirations of eventually hosting our own shows on the network.
Ironically, I have little competition for my job for this show. No one wants their name on it, other than Bill, who’s the executive producer, Thad Stillman, who’s the producer, and myself and Lauren. Others would ratherwork for one of the louder talking heads on the network, in a better time slot that gets far more viewers and higher ratings.
I have learned more while studying at Bill’s feet than I ever did in all the journalism and political science classes I took in college. I admire Bill’s calm, quiet delivery, how he refuses to abandon the premise of a question when he talks to politicians, but he isn’tconfrontational. He has an innate way of making someone look like an ass while he comes off as your sweet old grandfather.
In addition to those qualities, I admire that he applies his approach to politicians from both sides of the aisle. He’s not afraid to call out liberals or conservatives over legitimate failures of policy, or prevarications, or outright distortions of the truth. He doesn’tcoddle people.
I learn alotfrom him.
More importantly, Lauren and I start seeing each other outside of work to grab a bite to eat, or coffee, or simply talk for a little while to unwind before going home. While I’m not technically her boss, because Bill is boss over all of us and Thad’s next in line, I have seniority, and I’m very careful not to take things into potentially questionable territory.
Then Lauren gets transferred to another USNN show when an assistant producer spot opens, one of the weekday late-evening shows that airs live, except on holidays. Not the biggest market share in terms of viewers and ratings, but definitely more than the pity fuck of a show I’m working on.
That’s when she starts getting a little flirty with me, stopping by our conference room, or the control booth,or when she knows I’ll be heading out at the end of the work day, all of which leave me feeling…confused. I don’t discourage her, because I enjoy her company immensely, but I let her do nearly all the initiating if it will only be the two of us going out.
In my time working on the show, I’ve done numerous on-camera spots for short packages I’ve created to supplement our content. Usually backgroundwraparounds used to give a broader context to a guest Bill’s interviewing.
Six months after Thad moves to another show and I’m promoted to working as Bill’s producer, Bill has another heart attack, a serious one that is both a career-ender and nearly a life-ender. I’m shocked when network execs pull me into a VP’s office early the next morning, sit me down, and ask if I want to take over histime slot with a re-brandedTOBP.
Obviously I say yes. Two years working on the show, paid, and another six months before that as an unpaid intern, and now it’smyname on the schedule?
This is my break, and I fully recognize it. Bill even congratulates me. Turns out he suggested to the network that they pass it on to me when he retires. I’m handed the reins early and told to go ride that pony.
I call Mom, who immediately congratulates me.
Dad calls me about an hour later, berating me for not asking for a different format, enraged that I agreed to keep it focused on the liberal end of the political spectrum—in general, being…
