Nothing in this particular exchange identifies Chris by name, should someone be spying on us somehow. I had roommates, years ago. In college, and after, during my unpaid internship, and even after I was at FNB full-time. My statement about living with someone could implicate any number of people, including Lauren.
I sigh, slowly nodding.
She looksdown, her gaze on her feet for a moment. Now she’s slumped a little, withdrawn.
I don’t rush her. Knowing this now, knowing what she does about me…she won’t deliberately hurt me.
She can’t.
Just like there’s no way I could do that to her, either.
“Are you happy?” she asks without looking up.
“I am. I’mreallyhappy. Yes, it’s unusual, but everything is being done…ethically.Consensually.”
A shaky breath escapes her. “Don’t waste this opportunity, okay?” She finally looks up again, and I spot the tears limning her eyes. “Don’t fucking waste it. People don’t get second chances very often. You’ve been given two in one—a new career and lost love returned. Don’t waste it.”
Relief finally flows through me. “I won’t, and I’m not.” I open my arms to her and wait. “I love you, but the womanI respect as my friend and as a journalist would never hold keeping a trust against me. Like protecting a source.”
Eventually, she pushes off the desk and comes to me, lets me envelop her in a hug. “Ihateher,” she mutters against my shoulder. “Don’t ask me to pretend I don’t.”
I chuckle. “That’s okay, sweetie. I don’t mind that you hate her. I’m not asking you to go easy on her. Be a buzzsaw, if you want. I’m only asking you afford her the basic courtesies you’d give any other candidate. She can take you at your worst. But going off on an invasive tangent over a consensual relationship because you’re jealous about the wrong person is beneath you.”
She nuzzles her face against my throat, the way she used to. Like this, we always did fit together perfectly. Her whisper againstmy throat is barely audible. “Butyoudon’t get to marryhim.” I hear her distress on my behalf.
I kiss the top of her head, relieved that my friend is back. “No, I don’t. But it’s okay. It’s better this way, all the way around.” I can give alittle. “We each get what we want and need. She has a husband to run the East Wing, I have a dream job, and personal secrets that can deeply wound aren’texposed.”
She steps back a little, taking my hands in hers. Then I feel her fingers on my ring, on my bracelet. She examines them. “These are…new.”
“I have what Ineednow, Laur.”
Finally, she looks up at me, and I don’t shy away from her gaze. “If your heart gets broken,” she whispers, “I will fuckingcrucifythat woman and her husband. I don’t understand this, and I hope one day you’ll tellme the whole story, just between us. But you warn them that if you’re ever hurt, I will make her my full-time hobby. I will stir up so much shit and trigger so many goddamned committee investigations that she won’t get a damn thing done, and I’ll work to make her a member of the one-term club.”
I’ll never tell Lauren the full story, because it’ll mean admitting to her t’ve deliberately misledher, and I can’t do that.
But it’s necessary. Necessary for the greater good in ways Laur can’t even imagine.
“I’mhappy, Laur.”
“I know.” She studies my face for a long moment. “I don’t think I’veeverseen you look so…serene. Not in all the years I’ve known you. Over twenty fucking years, Kev, and I’ve never seen you look sopeaceful. You’re the campaign manager to a viable front-runner presidentialcandidate, and you should be ripping your hair out right about now, between the election and everything. But here you stand, looking Zen-fucking-chill.”
I smile. “Because I am.”
“Pleasetell me your father’s miserable?”
I chuckle. “I haven’t spoken to him in two years, but word is, he’scompletelylost his shit.” I grin.
She grins back. “Good. Miserable fuck.”
“Areweokay?”
She adjustsmy tie, the way she’s done countless times before. “I don’t know, are we?”
I gently tip her chin up so I can look her in the eyes again. “If it wasn’t for the election, and the public…exposure? I’d happily tell you everything. Right now.” I take her hands in mine and bring them to my lips, kiss them, and tuck them against my chest. “Like you said, I get a second chance. And life is far too shortfor me to not go for this. But I can’t do that if we get attacked. It could destroy everything.Thatwould break my heart.”
“Why can’t you both come out?”
“It’s way more complicated than that. It’s mutually beneficial for everyone. Risks and benefits have been weighed.” I squeeze her hands. “Hey, if she wins, I promise you unparalleled access.” I grin. “I kinda know a guy.”
