Yeah. That’s a no-brainer.
Meanwhile, she takes us places on the weekends, like World Cup games, or museums, or concerts.
It’s feeling…
Comfortable.
It’s a melancholy feeling, though. This can’t last, no matter how much the thought of this ending one day tears me up inside. I won’t be in the Army forever. I know Elsa isn’t interested in something permanent, even though this surefeelspermanent.
Eddie and I work on rank promotions, though he plans on staying in longer than I do. And Elsa starts talking to both of us like maybe she does want to make this permanent.
I’m a stupid kid. I don’t stop to think about the fact that she’s whoring us out to a colonel or others.
I mean, Ido, but it’s just easiernotto think about that part of things. Not when we’re with her and she smiles at us, praises us.
Tells us what good boys we are.
Her laughter.
I focus on the fact that she nurtures us and makes future plans—except one.
She doesnotwant children.
Over the next several months with Elsa, I find myself going from really wanting kids to not wanting kids. So does Eddie.
I find myself nodding when Elsa says how nice it’d be if we had vasectomies, then we wouldn’t have to use condoms with her.
Hello, frog. Meet pot of cold water.
Don’t worry, it’ll get warmer.
Then the suggestions become more solid nudging on her part. Eddie and I arereallystarting to think maybe she actuallymeansforever when she offers to pay for our vasectomies.
“How far would you go for me to prove you want me for life?” she outright asks us one afternoon.
Eddie and I exchange a glance. Somewhere, during the past few months, I realize the answer isanything she wants. We’ve been doing this with her for over a year now, working on our second year. The colonel definitely prefers me, because I might end up being used by him a couple of times a week and Eddie none. Eddie is now the backup and usually only summoned if I’m unavailable because I’m on duty.
I’ve actually started thinking about staying in Germany when I get out, maybe going to college here instead. I’m fluent in German now, and have been improving my vocabulary, my pronunciation. They have attorneys in Germany, right?
One night, after she’s made love to us and once againtskshow inconvenient it is that she can’t dispense with condoms with us, I finally take a deep breath and say it.
“I’ll do it.”
Once I’ve agreed, so does Eddie.
OfcourseElsa manages to get us a week’s leave each. She drives us to the appointment, pays the doctor at the clinic cash, and fills out our paperwork for us. I notice she uses fake names for us.
We spend a week off, both of us recovering at her place, with her literally fuckingbabyingus, cooking for us—Jesus, I didn’t even know she knewhowto cook, because usually Eddie and I do the cooking when we’re with her—and making promises with and to us.
It’s not long after that when the bottom falls out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Now
I stare down at this woman, this nightmare generator who’s been an invisible emotional vampire in my soul for nearly half my life. “Eddie says fuck you, by the way. And to remind you he told you karma is a bitch.”
Elsa chuffs out what’s supposed to be a laugh, I suppose, but the booze and pills are already hitting her hard.
