A tiny part of me hates her, and always will, because she’ll forever own a slice of Owen’s heart and soul that will likely remain locked to me. I use that hatred to show her no mercy during our “play.” Every time I think surely I’ve crossed a line that will make her safeword, end this insanity between us, and allow me the opening to take Owen and run with him, she grabs my hand and drags me deeper, darker.
I savor the fear she begs for, and happily give her more, my demons’ wings unfurling with everything I do to her.
I crave her tears and take great pleasure in them. Unlike when Owen cries and I want to do nothing more than soothe his aching soul and make him smile and feel safe.
Igetthe fucking irony, believe me.
Fortunately—and more importantly—so does she.
The longer this continues between me and Susa, I also hate that there is part of me which will always envy Owen the freedom he feels when submitting to her.
Because it’s a freedom I will never again feel.
I hate even more that, because of that same longing, there is now and always will be a part of my soul vulnerable to and owned by her.
And that terrifies me even more than the thought of losing Owen.
* * * *
A muffled giggle tickles my ear in the darkness.
I blow out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding, and I can’t tell if it’s relief or resignation filling me now.
I thought for surethis, if nothing else, would be her breaking point.Thenight I scare her off. That tonight would bethenight she safewords, calls me an asshole, and Owen and I can finally part ways with her.
Not that I want to run her off, not really. I want to force her to keep actively choosing to be with us to the point she never leaves. Barring that, I need to be certain she can handle me at full throttle. I won’t put Owen through the heartbreak of her leaving after a year or so because she has a change of heart.
I don’t want to put myself through that, either.
Because while I know we really do need her to get Owen all the way to Tallahassee, there’s still part of me who never wants to share Owen with her.
Owen, I’m sure, would be horrified, and rightly so, if he ever saw…this.
This side of me.
Hell, this side ofher.
I amnotgoing to be able to fucking move tomorrow.
I already know that tomorrow morning’s PT with Owen will be a slow, ambling walk.
I don’t know what else I can do, short ofliterallycrossing a line I gave her my word I wouldn’t cross, to scare her off.
Since she’s not going away, she’s not scared off, it means I’m going to end up marrying her.
That scaresme. For a variety of reasons.
Because whatwon’tshe let me do to her? What if I can’t pull the emergency brake one day? She’s not Eddie, and she’s not a hardened combat vet.
Then again, I’m not the man I was, either. Not physically, anyway.
The way I’m feeling right now is ample proof ofthat.
I wearily drag myself into a seated position and lean over to switch on the desk lamp I’d brought in to her spare bedroom earlier. It’s on the floor, because there really isn’t any furniture in this room. It’s storage. I’d thought about getting a room at a hotel to do this, but didn’t want to risk someone calling the cops on us if they saw or heard something. Then I’d have to explain to Senator Benchley Evans that I’m not only fucking his daughter, but that she enjoys a disturbing level of consensual non-consent play that would make even the hardiest and most jaded kinkster extremely uncomfortable.
And she wantsmore.
I used vet wrap to hold her panties in her mouth as a gag. I’d considered duct tape, but it would have stuck in her hair and made it hard to explain to Owen how she got any marks on her face. But the vet wrap sticks to itself, and also makes a great blindfold. I’d basically wrapped it all around her head and mummified her, just leaving a gap around her nose free. It also meant I could easily rip it with my fingers, if I needed to free her quickly.
