Myfamily.
The one thing Eddie knows I always wanted, and yet also knowsshetook from me.
As far as Eddie knows, my reaction to the e-mail Benchley received is logical when weighed against what Eddie thinks he knows about me and what we mutually survived, back then.
Not meaning the day in the desert—meaningher.
“You think she just wants money?” he asks. “Or someone using her for a bigger score?”
That possibility had crossed my mind, too. “I don’t know. But I’m going to find out shortly.”
Chapter Eighteen
Then
Two months into whateverthisis with Elsa, and I’m over at her place any time I have a few spare hours. I text her my schedule at the beginning of every week. Then, on a daily basis, once I know when I’m free, I text her and wait to see if I’m summoned.
When I’m not summoned, I find myself aimlessly surfing porn or going for a late run. Otherwise, I sit there wondering what was wrong with me that she didn’t want me that night.
But when Iamsummoned, it feels like I’m in heaven. She quickly trains me for what she wants me to do, stepping things up every few times together, until I’m her perfect, willing pet. It’s a mix of pleasure and pain, and using pleasure as positive reinforcement to take more pain or…other things.
She even takes me to a few events where she knows we won’t run into anyone from the base, vanilla events like concerts or soccer games.
I’m made to feel special when I’m with her. I lavish her with devotion, despite her reminders to me not to fall in love with her, that I’m her pet and she’s my Owner.
I don’t even care. I’m happy for whatever I can get from her.
I know that she goes to the nightclub on a regular basis, because she makes no secret about that. But because of my schedule, I don’t feel I have a right to ask her not to. Not that I think that would go over well, anyway. There’s no claim on her from me—that was declared by her in the beginning. Besides, I’m not always free to go to her, and I belong to her.
Continuing our relationship is my agreement to her terms. She is the one who gets to set the terms, not me.
We use condoms, and her orders are that I’m not allowed to date or sleep with anyone. If I have that kind of time, it’s reserved for her. Because I belong to her.
I’m apet.
I’m herfavoritepet, according to her, but I’m still a pet. As such, that means I don’t get certain rights.
She’s trained me to love being fucked with a strap-on, because she’s a tricky damn bitch. I’m nineteen—I can get it up in a stiff wind. She uses alternative ways of making me come so that when she allows me to fuck her, I can last for a while. She feeds me my own cum, makes me amuse her by sucking it off a realistic dildo and giving me lessons on sucking a cock that way.
I try to not think about what that means, because if I ask, I risk being turned away.
I don’t want to lose this. I…can’t. She’s become a damndrug.
Ineedit. I needHer. I need the sweet silence that settles in my brain when I’m with her and doing nothing but focusing on exactly what she tells me to focus on, whether it’s taking her pain or giving her pleasure. I find my every spare moment is focused on her, thinking about her.
I know that she plays with others. I try not to feel jealous over that, because this is what I signed up for. For all I know, I could wake up tomorrow to find out I’m being shipped out to some FOB in Afghanistan or somewhere.
I don’t feel I have a right to…complain.
At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
Following orders, unfortunately, is something I’m pretty good at.
The longer we do whateverthisis, the more she puts me through, and the more she starts hinting that Iwillbe playing with her and her other pets at some rapidly approaching time in the future. Pets who also have a vested interest in secrecy.
How me reaching that point would make her so proud.
One evening, when I let her know I’m free, I’m summoned to her place and immediately stripped and hooded, my wrists cuffed behind me. She sits me on the end of her bed and spreads my legs wide, strapping leather cuffs to my ankles and then attaching them to the bed frame so I can’t close them.
