This trip, however, forced me to lie to Owen and Susa, and that…
Thatenragesme.
The promise I’m forced to break—to not lie to them. I realize it’s a lie for the greater good, and to protect them, but it doesn’t matter.
Because of that fucking bitch, her actions, it’s indirectly impacting my pets. She’s fucked up enough of my soul and my life, forced enough lies out of me by her actions—forced me to break too many promises already.
Took my dreams.
I will show her zero mercy when I finally find her. I could have, at any time, burned her with her job, or ruined others’ careers, and I didn’t. I walked away from her, and yet, because of her and her actions, Eddie and I nearly died.
I had to break a promise to someone who deserved better from me.
And now, this.
My past was meant to stay in my past. I took careful steps, even back then, to ensure something like this wouldnothappen.
Ever. Burner phones and anonymous chat apps. Taking every precaution.
Mostly because I was afraid of word getting back to my father or any of my brothers.
That’s no longer my fear, because I’m no longer a nineteen-year-old kid, yet any of this information coming to light at this juncture would cause problems for those I love most.
So now,hereI am.
After my flight lands, I’ve made several errands before arriving at Eddie’s. He’s home when I knock on the door of his flat a little before three p.m. local time. He lets me in with a grim smile, shaking hands with me before closing the door behind me. Part of me is glad he didn’t go for a hug.
Part of me is…not.
I follow him inside, glancing around as we walk. Not the largest or ritziest place, but I’m used to American excess. He still has a limp, even this many years later.
Then again, on my bad pain days, so do I.
We’ve stayed in touch over the years, yet there remains a distance between us that I know rests on a foundation of secrets and memories. I once loved the man like a brother—more, even—and still do, I suppose.
It was…complicated.
It still is complicated.
Then again, I wasn’t on the receiving end of a lot of the worst shit, and he was.
The man I am now regrets I allowed myself to be used by her back then. I still harbor a hidden, simmering rage at her for what she did to us, put us through, used us and especially Eddie for. Not only the sadistic giggles for herself, but how she weaponized me against Eddie.
Fortunately, Eddie blames her totally.
I know at least some of the blame lays on me.
Because I didn’t say no.
Because I left him behind instead of begging him to leave with me.
Because I didn’t have the guts to stand up for us, for him, and to blow the whistle on everything.
This whole flat is maybe the size of our master suite at the Brandon house, and it’s downright spacious by average German standards. But from the high-dollar electronics in his living room entertainment center, and the posh leather couch, I know he’s doing okay for himself.
We sit down with two fingers each of Macallan, neat. “Do I get the story now,sir?” he asks, the last word snarky by design and coaxing a smile out of me. I remember that snark, his deliberate goading in formation or around others, which would make me take it out on him later in return when we could sneak away in private.
At the time, a game I didn’t mind, and downright reveled in.
