Maybe he’s blamed it on him and our studying, I don’t know.
If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.
Right now, his pattern is that, during our morning shower, he jerks me off.
I’ve even gotten better about speaking up and asking for it. He’s warned me that he will be transitioning us to a different schedule, but he outright admitted when I asked that, yes, it is positive reinforcement.
He wants to reprogram my emotions.
Yeah, likehelldo I want him to stop.
He only jerked off in front of me one time, on Wednesday morning, with me pinned against the wall by the neck like he did that morning at Susa’s. He took care of me first, then himself. If he’s getting relief at other times, when I’m not in our room, he hasn’t said.
I haven’t asked.
Yet.
I’m not ready to take that step at this time. I’m too busy trying to learn who I really am, figuring out this new phase of my life. No, he hasn’t pressed me about it, hasn’t asked me if I want to. He’s kept his word, even though he has to be aware that, at this point, if he did ask me, of course I’d most likely say yes.
There’s not much I wouldn’t say yes to now, if he asked it of me.
By Friday, I crave our morning ritual. I’m eager for us to work out, either a run or the exercise room, and get to the shower.
I’m eager to get out of bed.
I’m…eager.
Which is the thought that shocks me so much as it hits me during our post-run shower Friday morning that Carter notices and frowns.
“What’s wrong, Owen?”
I blink, shocked he used my real name. He calls mebuddyaround people in public, if anyone can hear, andboywhen we’re alone or with Susa. “Huh?”
“You just had a look. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Sir.”
“Owen, that wasn’t a nothing look.Tellme.” He crosses his arms over his chest and stands there, waiting.
I’m not even sure how to say it. “I guess I had a revelation, Sir.”
He gives me “the look.” It doesn’t have a label, but everyone has one of their own.
The quit-screwing-around-and-tell-me look.
“I realized that, this week, I’ve beeneagerto get out of bed. Genuinely eager. Not just looking forward to something, like I used to look forward to spending time with Susa.”
One corner of his mouth quirks up in a smile. “You’re enjoying this, then?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Even the tether?”
My face heats, but I nod. “Yes, Sir.” I don’t know how to explain that, in a way, the tether is quickly becoming a comfort.
I’m allowed to take it off if I need a shower, or to go out into the quad pod, but once I’m locked inside our room and naked, I immediately put it on, along with my leather cuffs and collar. If I’ll only be in our room for a short time, such as a few minutes between classes, I’m even allowed to put on only the right ankle cuff, with the tether hooked to it, and stay dressed.
It reminds me of what I’m doing with Carter. That even when he’s not physically with me, he’s still in control and taking care of me.
