Best.
Birthday.
Ever.
I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. These two people have put together the most amazing evening I could have ever asked for.
“Thank you for this,” I tell them as the end credits roll. “Tonight was amazing.”
Susa sits in my lap to hug me, lingering with her head against my shoulder. “You’re worth it, Owen. You’re family.” She smiles at me and I know I’m lost to her. Whatever she wants from me, I’ll always give it to her.
Even if it means I’m settling for doing her dishes and helping her with IKEA runs and watching while she’s probably imagining if she should hyphenate her last name to Carter’s or not. Not that Carter’s showing that kind of interest in or attention to her, but I know it’s not me she really wants.
I don’t care. Susa’s emotional scraps are a hell of a lot more than my mother ever gives me. I’ll accept them gracefully and without hesitation, and give thanks for them.
Carter had carried my plate and his to the kitchen. He returns, leaning over the back of the couch and throwing his arms around both of us from behind.
“Group hug!” He kisses me on the cheek, then Susa, and makes both of us laugh in the process.
“You guysaremy family,” I softly admit, hoping they don’t think I’m dopey.
“Of course we are,” Susa says. “Wearea family. We take care of each other and look out for each other.”
“And we love each other,” Carter says. He’s still holding both of us, and I’m in no hurry for the hug to end because it’s keeping Susa right there, snuggled tightly against me. “Because I do love you guys.”
“I love you guys, too,” I say.
“Me, three,” Susa adds.
This feels like perfection. I wonder what’s going to slam into us in the future to destroy this fragile bubble. It can’t last forever, can it? I’ll treasure it for as long as it endures and worry what to do about my shattered heart in the aftermath when that dreaded day eventually arrives.
Now, on Friday night, I’m putting myself in Carter’s capable hands and letting him show me a good time. I’ve never done anything like this before. I never tried to sneak alcohol when I was in my teens, because there was no way I could do something like that without my mother figuring it out.
Ahead of her wrath, I always feel like the terrified ten-year-old. Anything I did that she didn’t approve of always ended the same way, with her comparing me to my father and asking me if I want to be “useless” like him.
Friday afternoon after our classes, we pack bags for the weekend—and since we need to do laundry anyway, we grab that—and head over to Susa’s in the Snot Box. She’d packed a bag so she could leave from campus as soon as classes ended, meaning, unfortunately, we won’t run into her.
Susa still hasn’t invested in a guest bed. I’m happy giving Carter the bedroom and taking the couch for myself. Susa told us to feel free to use her bed, and Carter’s said he doesn’t mind sharing her king-sized bed with me if I don’t.
Then again, if he gets me drunk enough, I might not even care. Besides, how would it be any different than me sitting up with him in his bed when he’s had nightmares, or the three times I’ve actually fallen asleep there next to him?
Actually, maybe it would be better if we shared the bed, because I won’t hear him if he has a nightmare and I’m in another room.
Honestly, I’m looking forward to this experience. I trust Carter and know he won’t let anything bad happen to me. This is a rite of passage I desperately want. I spent so many years under Mom’s thumb and never doing anything that I can’t wait to see what happens.
I never got to be normal.
Once we moved, I never had “close” friends. Even the guy I could call my best friend in high school, the one I helped win the student council election, we really didn’t do anything together like kids usually do.
I wasn’t allowed to.
I learned not to ask. If someone asked my mom for me, especially in front of witnesses, of course she’d usually agree to it.
I’d also pay like hell for it later.
But ifIasked her?
Even in front of people the answer was nearly always a no. Unless it had something to do with academics that would help me earn a scholarship so she didn’t have to pay for my college tuition.
