I expect a lot of responses, but not the one he gives me. “Does business casual mean a tie?”
I shrug. “I’m going to wear one, but you wouldn’t be expected to.”
A slow smile curves his lips. “This will be fun.”
Fear trills through my gut. That looks like a predator wanting to play. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
The smile disappears and he reaches out, his hand settling on my shoulder. “Buddy, I’m not letting you go alone.”
Sudden terror rolls through me. I try to make my next comment sound like a joke. “Don’t suppose you’d mind me hanging out with you during break, would you? Before we come back to the dorms?”
He squeezes my shoulder. “Absolutely, we can hang together.” The smile returns. “Maybe Susa will let us stay with her for a few weeks.”
I don’t even want to hope for something like that, because that would be utter perfection, and I’m too used to hoping for something and having it yanked away.
Like my mother’s love and approval.
Carter releases my shoulder and starts to head for his side of the room. “I suppose telling her you already have plans wouldn’t help?”
“You mean, help like…” I was going to use an analogy of tossing a hand grenade into a dynamite plant before my brain kicks in and realizes how utterly tactless that would be in light of what Carter’s survived.
I guess I’m quiet too long. Carter returns and stands in front of me. “Owen, I’m going with you.” His voice sounds quietly firm, but with a gentle touch that makes me long to beg his parents to adopt me. “End of discussion.”
My deep breath is too close to hitching from the tears I didn’t realize lay just below the surface. “How does she fucking rip me up like this?Whydo I care what she thinks about me?” I flash into anger—at myself, at her, at my father for leaving me with her and not taking me with him, I don’t know. “Why am I so weak I can’t break out of this cycle with her?”
“You’renotweak. She’s a narcissist. It’s what they excel at. At least you don’t have to worry about her paying for school, right?”
“No, but my auto insurance and registration. Plus she gives me a small allowance that’s enough to pay my cell bill and stuff. I really can’t afford to lose that.”
He slowly nods, his expression slightly guarded now. “But that’s all?”
“Yeah. I mean, if Iliterallyspent nothing else, the stipend from my scholarship would cover those. Barely. If Susa wants to keep letting me do laundry there, I could squeak by.”
He pats my shoulder. “Go ahead and get your shower. I’ll let Susa know about Saturday.”
I hate that I feel like a little boy all over again, being told what to do. Except this is Carter, and I don’t mind it when he does it. Because Carter has never tried to get anything out of me before. Carter is…Carter.
Carter has accepted me unconditionally, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have the words to tell him how much his friendship means to me, or how desperately I don’t want to lose him—or Susa—from my life.
Before I step into the shower, I text Mom my reply, the only one I can send.
Yes, ma’am.
Chapter Fourteen
Thus begins the countdown until our trip to Hell.
We don’t usually eat lunch together every day. Today, however, Carter makes a point of texting me before my first class of the morning ends to lock in a time and dining hall.
We grab salads and move outside, under the shade of an oak tree, to eat in private. It’s muggy and warm, but with the breeze it makes sitting in the shade comfortable. We’re both dressed in shorts and we can relax and not worry about people overhearing us. Sitting on the grass, close together and facing each other, it’s like the world fades away.
I need this Carter fix right now more than I care to admit. His calm, soothing influence. I could barely function during my morning classes, my mind constantly wandering to that text message I’d received.
I don’t know what it means, other than impending mental and emotional torture for me.
I also don’t know what it means that being around Carter calms me, grounds me, but right now, I’m not stupid enough to push him away.
“Why do you think she wants you there?” he eventually asks.
