Believe it or not, I’m totally okay with that.
Chapter Ten
It’s difficult to believe I’ve known Carter less than four days. It feels like I’ve known him for years.
Then, in the space of less than one day, Susa quickly burrows under my skin.
Emotions swirl through me that I don’t understand and can’t label. Love? Infatuation? Desire? Eagerness?
Premonition?
I don’t know. I usually don’t likenotknowing, because, growing up in my mother’s home, I’ve needed to know things like this as a survival tactic.
Except, for the first time in my life, I make a conscious decision to be okay with not knowing and decide to just…let it all happen.
While I’d brought my class materials and my laptop with me, we end up gathered in Susa’s living room to talk, with her perched in a comfortable lounger chair and me and Carter on her sofa.
Other than the coffee table, a low table doing double duty as an entertainment center, and a bookcase, it’s the only furniture in the large area. The vast, gaping emptiness of the room emphasizes the cozy, close gathering of furniture in front of the TV.
She tucks her feet under her and leans forward a little as she talks, the intensity glowing around her.
I know comparing her to a furnace might get old, but it’s the most apt term I can think of. She radiates heat and lights the room.
I would willingly be consumed by her.
Carter has apparently already read through our textbooks and the course syllabus, because he’s talking with her about things I know are still a few weeks away, at least.
I finally grab my spiral notebook and a pen to jot stuff down as I listen to them.
Maybe, if nothing else, this’ll be one class I won’t struggle through.
They spend hours talking, digressing too many times to count into national politics that impact Florida.
I try to absorb as much as I can. Thankfully, they don’t mention me running for office again, because I’m not sure how long I can gracefully accept what has to be teasing on their parts.
I’m so lost trying to follow their conversation right now that I’m not even sure if a search and rescue team with GPS could ever find me. Intellectually, I know I’m not a stupid person. But I feel out of my league now.
Wayout.
Not-even-playing-the-same-sportout.
By the time Carter glances at the time and starts making what are obviously the motions to get us up and moving back to our dorm, I’m utterly in love with Susa.
Worse, I know she’ll likely never be able to love someone like me. She deserves someone with drive, ambition.
Someone who doesn’t feel lost and clueless.
Someone like Carter.
I’ve dated a couple of times between high school and now. Yes, I’ve already lost my virginity, thank you very much. I’m not a total noob when it comes to relationships, even though none of the three girls I slept with ever dug deeply into my heart in a way I could say was “love.” It was more a case of we went out, they wanted to do something…and I did.
I was actually relieved when they broke it off with me, because it meant I didn’t have to do that dirty work.
When I watch and listen to Carter and Susa, I can perfectly envision them together, a true political power couple if ever there was one.
Except as I pay attention to Carter, I can also see hints that Susa’s more into him than he is her.
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part, who knows?
