It shocks me to realize that’s not been happening anymore.
Sure, there are still thoughts in my head, but they’re calmer, more rational.
Wondering what’s up Carter’s sleeve.
Wondering what Susa and I will do today. Well, nottoday, but in general, you get the idea.
Thinking about my upcoming tests.
Reminding myself to do laundry.
It wasn’t uncommon, before, for the top three or five thoughts out of ten to include something about my mom.
“You’re thinking too loudly, boy,” Carter rasps as he nuzzles his mouth against the nape of my neck and kisses me there.
I’m surprised he’s awake. “What do you mean, Sir?”
“You tense up. Your whole body. Your breathing gets fast and shallow.” He feathers his lips across the nape of my neck and a delicious shiver races through me. “When you’re relaxed, your body is relaxed, and you breathe more deeply.”
I turn so I can look him in the eyes. This man truly knows me better than I know myself. I don’t know why that surprises me after all these months, but it does.
“How do youdothat?” I ask.
He smiles, but it’s sleepy. “If I tell you, will you promise to relax so we can keep cuddling, and let me go back to sleep for a little while?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He closes his eyes and snuggles against me again, his face now pressed against my shoulder. “I pay attention to you, boy. That’s how. You were raised by a narcissist you always had to pay attention to, which taught you to pay attention to everyone else. You never learned how to pay attention to yourself.”
I lie there, wide awake now as I ponder that, while Carter, the bastard, drifts back to sleep.
Sonofabitch.
He’s absolutely right.
* * * *
The next weekend, we’re all together again. While I’m expecting Carter’s really going to put me through my paces when we’re not moving stuff from the dorm, he does something Friday afternoon after we’re all home that catches me off-guard—he orders the two of us to get dressed in shorts and be ready to go in five minutes.
Susa and I don’t have time to argue or question the order. She looks as confused as I feel, so I know asking her for info won’t prove fruitful. We get into Susa’s car, with me driving and Carter riding shotgun. He gives me directions as I drive. Twenty minutes later, we’re pulling into the parking lot of an upscale shopping center in New Tampa.
One of the businesses is a tattoo studio, and it’s that storefront he directs me to park in front of.
“Don’t shut it off yet,” he says, so I shift into park and leave it running.
He removes his sunglasses, unfastens his seat belt, and turns so he can talk to both of us. “What we have, for me, is for life,” he says. “Boy?”
I nod. “Yes, Sir.”
He looks at Susa. “Pet?”
She nods. “Yes, Sir.”
It’s like he needs a moment to gather his thoughts. “These are our easy years,” he says. “I know law school won’t be a cakewalk, but once we’ve graduated and pass the bar and start working, especially once we get involved in politics, things will get intense. All three of us are pretty driven, right?”
Susa and I both nod. I mean, Carter and Susa drive me, so I guess that counts, doesn’t it?
“Once the two of you start running for office,” he continues, “we might find there are days at a time we aren’t even together.” He meets my gaze, then Susa’s. “I want all three of us to have a subtle, matching reminder of what we have, so that even when we’re apart, you know that we’re always together in heart and spirit.”
