On the other hand, I guess I’m not the best person to decide what feels fine or not after how I was raised.
Maybe that’s Carter’s point.
Maybe this will be fine and tomorrow we’ll resume our usual routine, and Carter will point to this as an example that change, the unexpected, doesn’t automatically equate with somethingbadhappening.
I have two options—safeword, or go with this.
I try one more time, just to make sure.
Carter, please tell me we’re okay?
I hold my phone in my hand until he responds a minute or so later.
Owen, I promise you, we’re fine. :)
I know that I have to take Carter at his word. None of this works if I don’t trust him.
Despite swearing I’ll leave this alone, I’m compelled to ask.
What about tonight, Sir? Your nightmares?
The thought of him going through them alone rips at me. It takes him another minute to reply.
I’ll be fine, boy. I want you to be my good boy, obey Ma’am, and have fun tonight. Understand? :)
Carter is not a huge user of emojis. When he does use them, I know he means it.
I respond the only way I can.
Yes, Sir. Thank you.
I sit back, take a deep breath, and try to process this so I can focus on my class.
It’s also the moment I realize that I will do anything tonotfuck up things with Carter. Even if it means I don’t have a girlfriend, or date, or that I spend the rest of my life like this. Because, emotionally, my relationship with Carter has been more satisfying than any relationship I’ve ever had before, and Susa comes a close second to that.
* * * *
As ordered, I return to our room and quickly pack, then text Susa that I’m ready. Carter isn’t there, either, and I struggle with confused emotions over that. I’m also torn between wanting to put on the tether while I wait, or rush downstairs to wait for her.
Turns out she gives me an ETA of five minutes, so I grab my stuff and head downstairs. I emerge from the building just as her car turns in to the dorm parking lot.
I drop my stuff in the backseat and she leans in for a hello kiss after I buckle my seat belt.
“How’s my boy?” she asks.
I don’t know if the heat filling my cheeks is excitement or fear. “Good, Ma’am.”
“Let’s go home. We’re going to study, eat leftovers, and then play after dinner. Okay?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She’s driving, because she’s made no attempt to swap places with me. I’ve driven her car a couple of times, and it terrifies me every time. Her car is only a few months old and worth way more than mine.
It feels weird to pull into her driveway and not see the Snot Box sitting there. I was almost hoping this was a mindfuck and Carter would be waiting for us here.
A few weeks ago, I would have killed to have this alone time with her.
What the actualfuckis wrong with me that I’m struggling because I’m alone with her and Carter is absent?
