Carter rolls his eyes. “Susa’spaying for dinner tonight.”
A laugh chuffs free from me at the interplay between them. She can get away with bratty behavior like that with Carter, stuff I would never try. I’ve even heard her call him Sir a few times in a non-sarcastic way, like what I’m doing is rubbing off on her, but I’ve never seen Carter take her in hand like he does me.
I’m not privy to what goes on between them alone, however. Part of me suspects maybe she’s trying things first-hand to make her a better Top.
I’ve been told I can ask Carter any questions I want, but he might decline to answer if it’s going to violate anything she’s asked him not to talk about.
That means I haven’t and won’t ask. I’d rather not know.
They’ve both volunteered a few things to me over the past couple of weeks, stuff they’ve discussed. That’s good enough.
I trust.
That’s what’s most important, something Carter’s emphasized to me over and over again, that I need to learn to trust. If I can’t, I’m going to have a miserable damn life.
We head inside. While I’ve seen pictures of my dad on Facebook, when he walks in with his wife, Katie, and my brother and sister, it still jars me a little. My last memory of hugging him before saying good-bye and not realizing it’d be the last time I ever saw him is still etched in my head. He had a full head of brown hair and my green eyes.
The green eyes are the same, but his hair is shorter now and mostly silver. He’s sixty-two, a couple of years older than Mom.
Katie is thirty-two. Which is something I knew, because it’s always been one of Mom’s prime points to blast him over.
Danny is going to turn five tomorrow and he looks nearly identical to me as I did at that age. Susie—who primly insists on being called Susan—is six going on sixty, apparently, and has my dad’s green eyes but her mom’s black hair.
It’s ironic that I have two “Sues” in my life who both act way older than their calendar age, I suppose.
Katie warmly hugs me and quickly shows she’s the anti-Mom, thank goodness. My dad and I awkwardly hug for a long moment.
I’m shocked that I find myself struggling to hold back tears when they prickle in my eyes. Susa takes over talking and asking questions while Carter rests a hand between my shoulder blades for a moment, hanging back with me while the hostess seats everyone else.
“Deep breaths, boy,” he whispers. “You’ve got this.”
Now that I’m here…
Fuck you, Mom.
Iwantto be here, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let my fear spoil this precious gift I’ve been given.
Chapter Thirty-One
In our dinner conversation, we stay away from the past, mostly. Dad asks me about school, about what the three of us are studying, and I ask the two kids about stuff.
They are cool kids.
I have a little brother and sister.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. Before now, they weren’treal, as stupid as that sounds.
Katie and Dad don’t live far from the steakhouse, and we follow them home. It’s a modest home in what feels like a middle-income neighborhood. It’s not even as nice as the house I remember us living in before the divorce, but inside is clean and feels homey.
Like there’s real love being nurtured within its walls.
Danny and Susan show me around while Dad, Katie, Carter, and Susa sit in the living room to chat. I join them a short time later after stopping by the bathroom to pull myself together again.
Once Katie’s put the children to bed, I guess that’s when Dad feels he can finally open up.
He removes his glasses and sets them aside. “I owe you an apology, son. I’m sorry I left you behind.”
I don’t even realize I’m crying until Susa’s up and reaching for a box of tissues Katie hands her, and Carter switches places to put me between him and Susa on the couch.
