ICOULDN’T STOP MYSELFfrom glancing at Gabe across the table in the fancy restaurant where we went on a double date with Adrian and Sally Ann to celebrate the upcoming birth of their baby girl. They’d just discovered they were having a daughter the day before and invited us to dinner with them. As happy as I was for them, and I was over the moon and back at least three times, I was even happier that I got to go home with Detective Delicious sitting across the dinner table from me—the one engaged in a hushed conversation with his partner.
I knew what the leaned-in heads and lowered voices meant. They were discussing their cases, most likely Billy Sampson, and Gabe didn’t want me to overhear and become upset. He was protective and cute like that, but I was certain he would learn that I was made of much sterner stuff than he ever imagined. I had survived Billy’s heinous treatment of me in high school and his childish attempts at harassing me as an adult wasn’t even a blip on my radar. Billy Sampson was a man who hated himself and turned to drugs in his attempt to escape the truth. He would have to live with his actions for the rest of his life, but I didn’t.
“What do you think about this crib mobile I found on Pinterest?” Sally Ann asked from beside me. She held up her phone and showed me a picture of a mobile with miniature stuffed animals that looked like zoo babies. “I think I want to keep the theme neutral,” she told me. “At first I thought it would be pink or blue everywhere depending on the gender, but I’ve changed my mind. Maybe my daughter will hate pink stuff. Maybe she’ll want to wear baseball jerseys instead of dresses. Yeah, I think I need to let her decide what her personality is rather than cramming it down her throat from day one.”
“If I weren’t gay as fuck, I’d steal you away from Adrian,” I told her.
“Shucks,” she replied, blushing. “You say the most charming things.” Sally Ann batted her eyelashes playfully at me.
I looked over at Gabe for the hundredth time in twenty minutes and thought about the lovely burgundy color of his tie. It was one that I found scrunched in the back of his dresser drawer when we moved him out of his house and into mine.Wow! It was still so shocking to me that we had made such a bold step and that I was the one who suggested it.I remembered how cool the silk felt against my fingers when I handed it to him to wear that evening—after I got the shameful wrinkles out, of course. I silently observed how lovely the color looked against my fair skin and was shocked that I’d even consider letting Gabe tie my hands up during sex.
I had never given that kind of trust to anyone because they had never deserved it, but Gabe did. I had found a man—or maybe, like with trouble, he found me—who was steeped in goodness. I admired his dedication to his family, friends, and justice. I loved that he was patient with me when I struggled at times to fight my demons and that he accepted me for how I was, not who he thought I should be. Of all the gifts that Gabe brought to my life, those were my two favorites. And somehow, someway, that beautiful soul was in love with me.
“He’s crazy about you too,” Sally Ann said, nudging me with her shoulder. “I’ve never seen Gabriel so happy as he is with you.” Her words meant a lot to me because Sally Ann had gotten to know Gabe when he first moved to town with his ex-boyfriend, Kyle. She would’ve seen them together as a couple and saw their connection. Even though Kyle himself told me that Gabe and I had something they never did, it was great to hear it from someone outside of the relationship. Sally Ann had no reason to blow smoke up my ass; if she didn’t believe it, then she wouldn’t have said it.
“I know,” I said softly, but not arrogantly. I never took Gabe’s affection for me for granted, but I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t know it existed either. I was never one to fish for compliments. My days of begging for crumbs of attention were over.
“How’s cohabitating going?” she asked.
“It’s been surprisingly easy so far,” I replied honestly. “I expected it to be more challenging in the beginning as we got used to one another’s personalities and habits, but it’s great. There’s a big difference between sleeping over a few nights a week and living with someone.”
“There sure is,” Sally Ann agreed. “I’m glad it’s going so smoothly for you both. It wasn’t the case for Adrian and me.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise. They seemed so in tune with each other, and it was obvious how much they loved and respected one another. I leaned closer, lowered my voice, and asked, “How so?”
“We were both thirty years old and had lived on our own pretty much since college, which meant we were fairly set in our ways. Like with you and Gabe, our personalities are so different, but Adrian and I are both stubborn and don’t compromise as well as you guys do.”
I laughed then because I was quite stubborn and Gabe did most of the compromising when we first met. I guess you could say that he was equally as stubborn because he refused to give up on us when all I did was pull him close then push him away. Luckily for me, Gabe knew it wasn’t done in a manipulative way and was astute enough to realize I was afraid and fighting my growing feelings for him.
“Give me an example,” I told Sally Ann.
“Toilet paper.”
“As in you liked different brands?” I asked curiously.
“No! He,” Sally Ann pointed across the table at her husband, “puts the roll on wrong.”
“I do not,” Adrian fired back instantly, letting us know that we weren’t as quiet as we had thought. “There’s no such thing.”
Sally Ann shook her head vehemently. “There’s scientific evidence that you use less toilet paper if you pull the paper over the roller versus under.”Wow! Sally Ann was serious about her toilet paper.
“You’re so fucking cute with your science talk,” Adrian said to his middle school science teacher for a wife. “According to the Debunkers,” he said referring to a new show that debunked common myths, “that’s not true at all.”
Sally Ann threw her head back and laughed. “Those guys aren’trealscientists,” she shot back.
Adrian looked at me and asked, “Do you know how Gabe and I yell at the referees for getting the calls wrong in football?”
“And basketball,” I reminded Adrian.
“Wait until baseball season starts,” Sally Ann said to me beneath her breath.
“I heard that,” Adrian said, good-naturedly.
“You were supposed to,” Sally Ann replied in a sing-song voice.
“Well, anyway,” Adrian said, trying to get back to his question to me, “she is so much worse when I watch Debunkers.” Adrian laughed hard when his wife flipped him the bird across the table. “She yells, ‘that’s not scientific’ or ‘that isn’t how you measure it,’ every five minutes.”
“Or less,” Sally Ann added. “I’d rather watch sports any day of the week.”
