“I know a guy.”
“An attorney?” Xavier asked then followed with, “Who?”
“Van is a lawyer who specializes in contracts. I guarantee he could help you wade through the quagmire of legal jargon to help you make decisions. Do you want me to call him?”
“Ben, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. I don’t get the impression that Bevan holds the Cruz siblings in very high regard.” Ahhh! That was the reason behind the atmospheric shift the night of the stakeout.
“Van is a good guy, Xavier, but he’s really jaded because of our parents and the private investigator business he established. He sees the shittiest of the shits this world has to offer, so he tends to be cynical and suspicious.”
“I can appreciate that, but I don’t want it aimed at me. I have enough stress on my shoulders from trying to stay clean and rebuilding my life. That extra scrutiny just makes me itchy and jumpy, which causes him to jump to conclusions about why he makes me nervous.” Xavier took a deep breath and blew it out. “I really wanted to hire him to find my friend, but I haven’t found the nerve to call him.”
“The only thing that will relieve his mind is if he spends more time around you, Xavier. If he gets to know you better then he will like you as much as everyone else does.” I stroked a finger across his high cheekbone. “What’s not to like, huh?”
“I’ll give it some thought, but ...” Xavier never finished his sentence, because Chase rudely pushed between us.
“I just signed you up for karaoke.” Chase’s broad smile was in direct contrast to Xavier’s look of horror.
“No, Chase.” Xavier shook his head to emphasize his answer. “I’m not interested in performing in front of people anymore.”
“Just one song for me, please? It will be randomly selected by the machine so I promise I’m not trying to set you up.”
“One song,” Gray said as he joined our group. “You’re up next by the way.”
“Fuck me!” Xavier practically growled in response. “Come on, guys. Go up there and remove my name so I can sit here and talk to Ben in peace.” Xavier’s protests were too late, because the karaoke DJ said his name through the microphone. A look of pure misery settled over Xavier’s features when the bar began to clap and call out his name.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips lightly before I pressed my mouth to his ear. “You’ll be amazing and maybe it will help you face down some demons. Get up there and knock us dead. Own the song, the stage, and the night.” I wanted to add that he could own me, but I thought it might be a little much.
Reluctantly, Xavier rose from his barstool and slowly made his way to the stage. The DJ handed him the microphone and pointed to the song that was randomly chosen by the computer. I watched as Xavier’s entire demeanor shifted from uncertain man to seasoned stage performer.
The crowd went wild when the intro to “Buttons” by the Pussycat Dolls began to play. Xavier’s sexy-as-fuck hips began to sway and dip to the beat that was an eclectic mix of hip-hop and Egyptian music. His body became one with the rhythm and my dick pulsated in time with the music and his mesmerizing dance moves.
Then he began to sing, doing both the rapping and the singing in different voices. The crowd easily fell in love with his performance, but I was dangerously close to falling in love with the man. The air whooshed out of my lungs and panic nearly consumed me as soon as the thought formed. I couldn’t be falling for this guy; I hardly knew him. Sure, he trusted me enough to bare his soul to me and I was the first person he wanted to call when something positive happened to him, but that didn’t mean he was developing feelings for me, did it?
Suddenly, I was the one feeling the need for some distance. All the reasons that I didn’t believe in love and happily ever after flooded my brain and overwhelmed me. I had thought about taking a chance and asking him to be my date to Chase and Gray’s wedding, but revised my plan on the fly. No, I wasn’t willing to put my heart out there and watch it get stomped on. My tumultuous thoughts kept spinning around inside my skull like a destructive cyclone, threatening to ruin all the good that Xavier and I started to build between us. I shook my head to rid myself of the negative thoughts, but a whisper of despair remained.
I forced myself to focus on Xavier and watched as he worked the crowd with both his body and talent. Our eyes met through the crowd and he smiled hesitantly at me, as if he were privy to my inner turmoil. I smiled in return in hopes of easing his mind, because none of it was his doing. Xavier had been honest with me from the start and I was the one who falsely hoped for more that he could or would give. And, who the fuck could blame the guy? He’d been through hell and back and didn’t need me putting pressure on him. I needed to walk away and give him time and space to make up his own mind.
“Well, what did you think?” Xavier asked when he arrived back at the bar. He started to take a drink of his glass of Coke, but Liam pulled it out of his hands.
“You left your drink unattended so let me replace it for you, honey.”
“Thanks, Liam. Just Coke on the rocks,” Xavier reminded him before turning his attention on me. “What did you think?”
I think you looked beautiful. I think I could fall in love with you. I think I want to hold you in my arms all night while we sleep.Those thoughts all ran through my mind, but were left unsaid. Instead, I said to him, “You were really awesome, Xavier.” Maybe the sentiment in my words didn’t show in my eyes, because he looked confused. Fuck! I didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing to cause him any grief or make him feel bad. I looked down at my watch like I was checking the lateness of the hour. “Listen, I need to head on home. Do you want me to give you a lift or did you want to hook a ride with Chase and Gray?” I didn’t trust myself alone with him in my car so I sent up a silent plea for mercy.
Xavier looked down the bar at his friends who were in their own little world. He flicked his eyes back on mine and I saw the hurt and confusion I tried to avoid causing him. “I’ll hitch a ride with the lovebirds.” He answered in a voice devoid of all emotion.
“Congratulations on your song being chosen for the cable series, Xavier. That is a great accomplishment and I’m truly honored that you chose to share it with me.” He looked as if he was waiting for me to saybut, however, there wouldn’t be one. This was hopefully aso longand not agoodbye. “I’ll be heading out of town for a few days, but I’ll be back the day before the wedding. I’ll see you then, okay?”
“Sure,” Xavier answered flatly. “Goodbye, Ben.”
“It’s not goodbye, Xavier. It’s so long for now,” I amended before I turned and left him at the bar. Good lord, but the painful vise-like grip on my heart sure felt like we were saying goodbye.
BEN WAS RIGHTand I knew I needed to have a lawyer look over my contract to make sure I was getting a good deal from Ryan Productions. I hadn’t talked to my old agent for nearly two years, because that was the first relationship Damien severed by planting the seeds of doubt in my mind. Calling Estelle after all this time just didn’t feel right to me.
That really left me with one option, because I needed to either submit an amended contract as a counteroffer for review, or a signed contract stating that I accepted their terms. I was in a hurry and Ben said I could trust his brother, and even though things were strained between us, I trusted him completely.
I wouldn’t allow myself to consider the ramifications of Ben walking away from me at the bar. I hadn’t heard from him since then, but that wasn’t anything new. Ben let me be in control of our friendship and he followed my lead.Could that really be called a friendship though?I asked myself. Friendship was a two-way street not this “Simon Says” thing that Ben and I had going on. It seemed like it had finally taken a toll on Ben and he was tired of walking on pins and needles around me.
