“Shh, Xavier.” She pulled back and placed a loving hand on the side of my face. “You’ve always been such a good boy. Everyone falls down and needs a hand up. Don’t think you’re taking this journey through life on your own. Okay, sweet boy?”
“Yes, Gram.” She wouldn’t be so proud of me if she learned the things I’d done. I couldn’t change any of it, but I could make sure history didn’t repeat itself. She patted my cheeks and stepped away.
“Let’s get this party started,” she whooped.
“Good to see you, son,” Lennie said. Lennie was Gram’s hotter-than-hell boyfriend. Even Gram referred to him as a DILF. He shook my hand and then wrapped his arm around Gram.
“Thanks, Lennie. It’s great to be home.” Truer words were never spoken.
“So, here’s what we’re going to do.” Chase thankfully pulled everyone’s attention away from me. I’d have to thank him for it later. “We’re going to play groom vs groom. My people versus Gray’s people.”
“They’ll beourpeople in a few weeks,” Gray reminded him. He blew air kisses at Chase that made me smile. The newness clearly had not worn off for these two. If anything, they’d only grown closer this past year.
“Well, until then we’re pitting them against one another,” Chase said. His competitive streak hadn’t lessened over the years. “The only exception being Ava. She isn’t allowed to bowl.”
“Said who? Not my doctor.” Ava pouted as she joined the group. I turned and saw the bump of her belly, a very pregnant belly. She turned to me and smiled brightly. “I go to the bathroom and miss all the excitement.” Ava threw her arms around my neck.
“You look beautiful,” I said into her blonde curls. “Congratulations on the baby.”
“Thank you.” She stepped back and looked into my eyes, searching just like Gram had. “I want Uncle Cruz to be a big part of the tadpole’s life.”
“Uncle Xavier won’t be missing a thing.” Her shrewd eyes narrowed when I corrected my name. I started going solely by my last name the moment I landed in California almost seven years ago. Ava knew there was more to me going by my first name again, but she chose not to call me on it.
I was grateful that everyone welcomed my re-emergence into their lives without question. I was relieved that I didn’t see any of the resentment and disappointment in their expressions that I had feared. My stomach had been a tangled knot these last few weeks as I made my final leg of my journey home. A sense of calm and peacefulness descended on me as I was surrounded by the people I loved most in the world. I was well and truly home where I belonged.
“Welcome home, Uncle Xavier.”
“Can we get teamed up and get started?” Chase asked impatiently.
“God, someone should have hired strippers for us for putting up with his tyrannical shit,” someone called out. I looked over at the source and found a handsome guy standing next to Gray with his arm around his shoulder. I’d met him once, but couldn’t remember his name. It started with M, or something.
“Shut up, Miller,” Chase tossed back at him.
That’s it. Miller. He was a handsome devil with twinkling blue eyes that were currently all over me. It would be no hardship getting to know Miller better. I glanced over in Ben’s direction and saw him talking to Ellie. The two of them looked to be in their own little world and I wondered again what was really going on between them. Ben pulled Ellie into a hug and held her head gently against his chest. The tenderness of his touch caused my chest to ache out of pure longing. The realization that I might never find someone to care about me like that sucked all of the happiness out of my return home. The jealousy that burned through me as I watched them share an intimate moment shamed me. So, Ben wasn’t for me, but couldn’t I at least drum up a little happiness for my sister that she could find someone like him?
Ben looked up at me and caught me staring. I quickly averted my gaze, but not before I missed the softness in his expression as he revealed the feelings he had for my sister. I also didn’t miss that his gray eyes had transformed to a lighter shade. He was one of those unlucky souls whose eye color gave away their moods; too bad I wouldn’t be learning what those colors meant.
We were quickly divided into two teams and lanes according to our relationships with the grooms. Some of the guests were co-workers of both Gray and Chase so they argued good-naturedly over them. As luck would have it, attainable Miller with the twinkling eyes was on Gray’s team and Ben, whom I wanted but would never have, was on my team.
We introduced ourselves to our opponents and I didn’t miss the way Miller’s hand lingered in mine when we shook hands. The spark I felt for him wasn’t as intense as with Ben, but I could probably make it work. I turned away to enter my name into the computer when Miller moved on to speak to Ben.
“It’s good to see you again,” Ben said to Miller. There was a tone in his voice that I couldn’t quite place.
“Ben, it’s always a pleasure.” Miller’s voice was friendly, but not gooey warm like it was when he spoke to me.
There was something between them, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. They weren’t awkward around each other or unfriendly, but there was something odd about the way they spoke to one another. It was stiff and very formal like you’d expect at a dinner meeting with a client. I wondered what the story was between them.
“Are you happy to be home?”
Once again, Ben’s voice spoken so close behind me gave me a start, but I didn’t let it show outwardly. It made me think of him pressing his chest to my back as he entered my body, saying my name once he was buried to the hilt. Would his voice be even deeper during sex? Would he fuck me hard or tender? Both? Would he like the way I reached back and fisted my hands in his silky, black hair while he made me his? I loved that he was half a foot taller than me and must’ve been pushing two hundred and ten pounds to my one hundred and fifty. I’d love to feel his weight pressing down on me.
“Yep,” I said casually, pretending I didn’t just think about having sex with my sister’s straight, almost-boyfriend. I took a deep, relaxing breath. I entered my name into the computer and stepped aside so the other guys on my team could do the same.
“I’m happy too.”
I’d been in the man’s presence less than thirty minutes and I had already been jealous over the fact that he wasn’t gay and had feelings for my sister, fantasized about having sex with him, and got all fuzzy inside when he said he was happy that I was home. It was more than a little scary all the things he made me feel, none of which was good for my recovery. Ben would never be mine. Even if he was gay, he’d never want someone with my baggage, so the sooner I accepted these facts the better. I had no room in my life for relationships at that moment anyway.
“Thank you.” I offered him a small smile and then picked up my bowling ball to take my first turn. I wished I had paid attention and not entered my name to go first. I took a deep breath, lined up the ball with the arrows on the lane, and let it fly. I’m not sure who was more surprised when I knocked all the pins down - Chase, Ben, or myself.
