Madge stood in the middle of us, not sure if she should stay or go. She wasn’t used to her daddies fighting. “Come on, girl.” We set out on a slow jog until we caught up to him. “Noah, I’m sorry I laughed at you, but can I at least show you Lola and tell you why I laughed?”
“I don’t think so, Maverick. I may not remember who Lola is, but I know the name hurts me. You hurt me, Mav. You! Every time I ask you questions and you refuse to answer them, you hurt me. I know you think you’re doing the right thing by trying not to force my memories, but it still hurts. Do you know how fucking hard this is for me?”
“Yes!” I raised my voice to match his. “I fucking do! I’m right here with you, Noah. I’ve been here every second of every day sitting, waiting, and hoping that you come back to me – not just in body. I need you, Noah. You want me to make love to you, but it doesn’t feel right when you don’t even remember me – us. I don’t want to be just a guy to scratch your itch. I want to be your everything again. So yes, I know just how fucking hard this is!”
I turned away from him and walked a few feet away. I ran my hands angrily through my hair. I was fucking furious, so furious I wanted to hit something to alleviate some of the tension that had been building up inside me until it felt like I was going to explode. Everything I feared was happening and my prepared speeches and plan on what to do if it occurred imploded.
“Well, I’m sorry that this has been an inconvenience to you, Maverick.”
He deliberately misunderstood what I said. He was itching for a fight and I wanted so badly to give it to him, but I had already said too much. I didn’t trust myself to say anything more. I wanted to retreat, to lick my wounds in private so he couldn’t see how badly his words he hurt me. It would only make things worse for him. He was scared and confused and what did I do? I laughed and then I got hurt when he got mad.
I was terrible at this relationship shit. I started to think that it might for best for both of us if I went back to Roxie’s garage apartment, but I just couldn’t leave him. It felt too much like giving up and that I refused to do. Instead, I did what I always did when I got stressed. I decided to paint.
Jennifer had left in that short time that we had been gone and I was grateful. I wasn’t in the mood for apologies and pleasantries. I went straight upstairs to the studio I made in the attic. I flipped on the radio to classic rock and let go. It wasn’t long before the heat got to me and I peeled off my t-shirt. Even though the house had been updated with central air conditioning, the rising heat from the rest of the house made the attic uncomfortable at times. I had meant to install ceiling fans in the rafters, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. I had brought up a few box fans and moved to turn them on. That was when I discovered I wasn’t alone.
I had turned the radio up loud enough so Noah would hear the music and know I hadn’t left him. I didn’t expect him to follow me and I wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there. His eyes roamed from painting to painting – all of them the ones I had displayed for him plus a few more. I stood silently and waited for his eyes to focus on me. When they did, I saw all the emotions I had been feeling staring back at me in his gaze. I turned off the radio and went to him.
“You love me so much,” he whispered. “It’s so fucking obvious and it kills me that I can’t remember how we got here.” He closed his eyes and his lips trembled while he fought to get his emotions under control. When he reopened his eyes, fat tears ran down his cheeks. “Mav, I wanted to find you for so long and now I can’t remember.”
I wiped away his tears and kissed the silvery trails they left behind. “Then we’ll make new memories.”
“I’m sorry I acted the way that I did and jumped to conclusions. Wow, I called my boss a whore.” He wore a heavy cloak of misery around him and I was desperate to remove it.
“She laughed about it, Doc. She isn’t mad at you; how could she be?” I cupped his face and made him look into my eyes. “Can I tell you about Lola now and why I laughed so hard?” He nodded slowly. “Lola is the name of my Mustang. I laughed because that was the first argument we had after we reconnected.” He looked so confused about why we would’ve argued over a car. I wasn’t thrilled to tell him about my trips to Charlotte, but it was necessary.
“So, I overheard someone mention you took Lola to Charlotte for a weekend of fucking and assumed Lola was a woman.” He repeated once I was done. “What did you do?”
I lowered my mouth until there was barely enough room for air to slip between us. “I dragged you outside and introduced you to Lola right before I kissed you with every ounce of frustration and longing I had inside me.”
“Show me.”
I held his head securely in my hands and took his mouth in a kiss hot enough to melt an iceberg. He was sweeter than any candy I’d ever tasted, quenched my thirst more than any drink, and completed me in ways that no other person on the planet ever could. He was made for me, my Noah. I had planned on keeping things at just a kiss for the moment. We still had things to discuss, but he ignited a spark inside me that I just couldn’t contain.
When his hands began to roam my torso, the spark instantly became a wildfire that burned my flesh and threatened to consume me. It had always been that way for us and I knew it would never change. My hands slid beneath his t-shirt and I broke our kiss long enough to remove it from him and toss it on top of mine.
“You got a little paint on you,” Noah said. He ran his finger over the smear of dark blue paint on my abdomen. “So damn, sexy. You’ve got the appearance of a pirate, the gentleness of a poet, and the beauty of an artist. Teach me how to paint, Mav.”
I wasn’t expecting that request, but I wasn’t going to deny him anything – then or ever. I removed my existing canvas and replaced it with a blank one. I handed Noah a clean brush then moved to stand behind him. I wrapped one arm around his waist to hold him close, loving the press of his back against my chest. I wrapped my hand around his that held the brush, moved it over to the easel, dipped it into the blue paint, and moved the brush to the canvas.
“Feel it Noah. Let your emotions guide your art.” I loosened my hold on his hand so that he could control the movement. I watched over his shoulder as he began to paint ocean waves. I remained silent, only offered a few suggestions here and there “Picture the way the sun would glisten off of the waves and add some white paint where you think it should go.”
Noah looked at his painting in contemplation with pursed lips. “I’m thinking this will be the ocean at night, so maybe I’ll be using a soft yellow as the moon’s reflection.”
I watched as he chose darker blues and added some black for shadows. He was actually pretty damn good for a beginner. I was enjoying his body pressed against mine as he lost himself in his painting. Every now and again he’d sway a little as if he heard a song in his soul.
“This reminds me of the night you took me out on the boat.” My breath got stuck in my throat as I realized what he just said. He spun around with his brush in his hand and splattered more paint on my chest. “Holy fuck! That was a recent memory! You took me on a boat. The moon was full and you made love to me under it. All those stars.” He kept splattering paint on me with his excitement.
I removed the brush from his hand and smacked it against his chest. I smiled wickedly at the paint smear on him. “Yes! That is a recent memory. Yes, I did make love to you under the moon and stars.” I kept smacking the brush against him just like he’d done to me until he was as splattered as I was. “What else do you remember?”
“I don’t remember why we were there, but I remember the look in your eyes while I laid beneath you.” Noah yanked the brush out of my hand and dropped it on the drop cloth I kept to cover the floor. He slid his hands in my hair then fisted them in my long strands. He pressed his chest to mine, smearing our paint together.
“We’re going to be a sticky mess,” I warned him.
“Oh, that’s not the half of it,” he replied wickedly. “I need to relive that night. Right now. I want to bask in my first memory of the way you love me, Mav.”
I wouldn’t make him ask me again. There would be no need to plead with me that night to forget about his head injury and memory loss. I laid him down on the drop cloth as carefully as he let me, without a single thought in my mind except reliving the memory that he longed for.
“We need supplies,” I said between nibbles on his neck.
