THE NEXT FEW DAYSfollowed a very similar pattern – rest, rut around with Noah while trying not to rattle his brain, rest some more, and pray his memories returned soon. It felt like I was slowly dying every day that he didn’t remember the beautiful memories we made together. I meant what I said when I told him that I’d make him fall in love with me all over again. I would never give up.
The scariest thoughts were that his memories could trickle back in fragmented pieces until the complete puzzle formed. Well, what if the fragments came back in a light that made me look bad? It wasn’t like we fought a lot or were unhappy, but we had some dark days in the beginning when we were sorting things out and working through our fears. I had worried that his feelings weren’t as genuine as mine and he had feared I’d disappear at the drop of a hat.
What if doubt and fear were the first memories to return? Would they be magnified in his mind without the other memories to offset them? Dr. Pastori warned me that it could happen. If all Noah remembered were bad things, would he believe me when I told him differently? It turned out that I was right to worry, but at least I was somewhat prepared when things blew up in my face.
Madge and I had been sitting on the back porch enjoying the early evening while Noah rested upstairs. Art and Jamie decided to go to the diner and visit with Minnie to give us some time to ourselves. I blushed a little thinking what kind of “alone” time they meant. I heard the doorbell ringing through the house and decided to walk around front and greet our guest rather than take a chance on our voices waking Noah up.
I was surprised to find Noah’s boss, Jennifer, standing on the front porch with a vase of flowers. I had asked most people to hold off on their visits while Noah recuperated. I thought too many people he didn’t recognize might overwhelm him and make things harder. How fun could it be to have people look at you with expectations of a sudden memory that didn’t come? People meant well, but it still was hard on Noah.
I had met Jennifer on a few occasions prior to his accident and I could easily understand why Noah was so fond of her. She was obviously very intelligent and had a flirtatious - but harmless - way about her. “Hey,” I said startling her. She spun around and clutched her free hand over her heart. “Come on out back. Noah’s asleep right now, but you can hang out with me and Madge for a bit if you want.”
“A gorgeous man, a beautiful dog, and the setting sun. Hmmmm,” she tilted her head as she pretended to ponder it all. “I guess I could suffer through it.”
Jennifer followed me around back and took a seat on the swing while I went inside to put the flowers in the kitchen and grab us two glasses of sweet iced tea. When I returned to the porch, she had kicked off her sandals and tucked her legs beneath her. It appeared she had every intention of sticking around for a bit. I just shrugged my shoulders and told myself I was glad for the company to distract myself from my worries.
“How are you holding up, Maverick?”
Not many people asked how I was doing so it took me by surprise. I wasn’t much on sharing my thoughts and feelings with anyone except Noah and talking to him right then was out of the question. I wasn’t prepared for her question nor did I feel compelled to answer her. I hardly knew her so my response was a casual shrug.
“Come on, Mav,” she said, nudging me with her elbow. I didn’t care for her using the nickname that Noah gave, it felt wrong with her. I told myself I was being too sensitive and I was letting my frustrations cause me to see problems where there were none. “I know it has to be hard for you. It’s okay if you knock off that ‘everything’s okay’ grin and talk to me. I promise I won’t tell.”
“I appreciate your concern for me, but I’m really doing okay. I won’t lie and say it’s easy, but I’m getting by.”
Jennifer apparently didn’t have personal space issues like the majority of people on the planet. She leaned into me and patted my knee. “It’s going to be alright. He loves you so much and there’s no way that has changed because of a blow to the head.” She was downplaying it to make me feel better. We all knew he was lucky to be alive, me more than anyone because I had gone to see his car. I still saw that mangled hunk of metal in my dreams and each time I woke up in fear that Noah hadn’t survived.
He almost didn’t.
“Thanks,” I said quietly, still not convinced that all would be okay, regardless of the brave front I put on for everyone. The only thing that gave me hope was the way he still reached for me, regardless if he was awake or asleep. It was obvious he craved our connection just as much as I did.
I should’ve casually moved away from Jennifer, but not in a way that hurt her feelings. She was Noah’s boss and I was sure she had only kind intentions. It wasn’t like she put her hand on my crotch. She patted my knee and removed her hand right away. I just didn’t know her very well and her head leaning against my upper arm didn’t feel right to me. I didn’t have my arm around her, in fact my hands were together in my lap. At a quick glance, though, it might look like two lovers cuddling on the swing.
Which was exactly what Noah thought when he stepped onto the porch. My heart pinched painfully in my chest as soon as I heard the faint telltale creaking of the hinges.Shit!I stood up and turned to face him. Noah stood frozen, looking pale and betrayed. His eyes flickered back and forth between me and Jennifer, who had risen to her feet and stood silently beside me.
“Lola,” Noah said angrily, balling his hands into fists. “She’s Lola isn’t she.”
“Who?” Jennifer asked in confusion.
“You have a memory!” Hope bloomed in my heart at hearing that one word come from his mouth. I couldn’t contain my happiness and the irony of Noah’s confusion about Lola’s identity being the first memory he recovered. Unfortunately, Noah misunderstood my smile and got angrier.
“You think this is funny, Maverick?” He walked over until his chest was pressed against mine. “Is she the reason why you won’t fuck me?”
“I wish,” Jennifer said under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear her. I turned and gave her an annoyed look to which she simply shrugged.
“Is she your whore? The one you… I don’t remember exactly what you do with her, but I remember her name made me very angry. Then I find her out here laying all over you while I sleep.” He looked so angry I thought he was going to take a swing at me.
“Hey now!” Jennifer no longer found this situation funny. She lowered her voice and approached him slowly. “I’m not his whore and I wasn’t laying all over him, Noah. I was simply trying to show him some kindness, because I knew he must be hurting awfully bad.”
“Why would he hurt? It’s not like he had months of his memories wiped away.” Noah had lost his bite of anger and now looked confused. “Who the hell are you?”
I decided to intervene before things got out of control. “She’s Jennifer and she’s your boss at the VA center in Morehead City. She came by and brought you flowers; the ones on the kitchen table.” I reached for Noah and was glad he didn’t pull away from me, but I hated the stiffness in his body. I preferred it when he leaned into me, not held himself so stiff it was like holding an ironing board in my arms. “Let me take you to meet Lola.”
“No! I don’t want to meet this Lola person.” He looked and sounded petulant. I tried to keep the smile off of my face, but couldn’t. Luckily, he had turned to Jennifer and a contrite expression crossed his face. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you and that I called you a whore.”
That was it. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I threw my head back and laughed until my stomach hurt. Jennifer’s laughter rang out and it took us awhile to recover. When we did, it was just in time to see Noah take off down the steps and head down to the beach.
“Fuck! I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was so funny. It feels like I haven’t laughed in years.” I turned and looked at Jennifer and found her wiping tears off of her face while she still shook with laughter.
“Go!” She pointed after Noah’s retreating back.
