SAYING GOODBYE TONOAHagain was torture, but I drove away from him knowing our connection went beyond skin deep. The attraction I had felt for him as a kid had grown tenfold as an adult, but that wasn’t the reason behind the smile on my face during my drive home. My happiness stemmed from the fact that Noah and I could be honest with one another about everything – from traumatic experiences to sexual kinks.
My happiness slipped a bit when I recalled how nervous Noah had been when he told me what he wanted in the bedroom. Not because I thought it was wrong, but because Justin made him feel humiliated over his desires. I hated the thought that Noah believed that his needs were wrong or deviant for even a second. What Noah gave to me was more beautiful than words could describe. I meant what I said when I told him I’d give myself completely over to him. The problem with that was that I wouldn’t get the opportunity for a few weeks.
The first few days after I returned were really hard, even though we talked on the phone or Skyped for a few hours each evening. Hell, one night I fell asleep with my laptop on the pillow next to mine. Luckily for me, Noah had done the same so I got to see his beautiful, sleeping face when I woke the next morning. He was worth the wait, no matter how long it took him to figure out what to do with his practice.
Midweek after my return, I had a surprise visit from Dante at one of my job sites. He had ridden his bike over and was waiting for me beside my truck. I hadn’t seen him since he served his penance at Elijah’s Landing. I was proud of how hard both boys worked to repair the damage they had caused. I also noticed that the talks Noah snuck in with the boys while they worked had seemed to help them. I was sure they still missed their dad and struggled from day to day, but there was a lightness to them by the end of the project that hadn’t been there on the first day. However, it seemed by Dante’s appearance that day that he might be struggling with something.
“What’s up, Sprout?” He rolled his eyes at my nickname for him, but it was ruined by the crooked grin he wore. “Bored and want me to put you to work?” He looked down at his foot, which he moved from side to side, digging a slight rut in the gravel. “You need to talk about something, Dante?”
He shrugged his shoulders and I thought maybe he wasn’t going to talk, even though it was obvious that he wanted to pretty badly. Suddenly he spoke in a quiet voice. “I think Hunter is gay and is afraid to tell anyone.”
I recalled the interested way that Hunter had listened to the story of Elijah and Octavius plus the curious glances he threw mine and Noah’s way when it was obvious we were more than friends or simply contractor and client. It wasn’t that we made out in front of the crew and kids, but you’d have to be blind to miss the way we felt about each other.
Dante looked up at me then and I saw so much worry on his young face. “I’m not sure if I should say something to him or wait. What if I’m wrong and he gets mad that I thought he was gay? But if I’m right, I think he should be able to trust me and talk to me.”
“That’s a hard call to make for anyone, Dante.” I patted his shoulder in comfort. “Sometimes people haven’t come to terms with how they’re feeling and they’re not comfortable talking about it. Other times, they’re afraid of rejection and losing their family.”
“Hunter could never lose us,” he said emphatically. “My mom would never love him any less. I don’t know what to do, Maverick. It wouldn’t be right for me to talk to my mom about what I think.” He cringed momentarily and added, “I probably shouldn’t be talking to you either, but I know you’d never do or say anything to upset Hunter and you’d understand what he’s going through.”
“I do understand what he’s going through and let me tell you something, young man.” My voice sounded as raw as the emotions I felt. “Hunter is a very lucky guy to have you for a brother. I wish like hell I’d had a brother like you growing up. I didn’t have any support from my family and it was a scary, lonely time.” I paused to choose the right words, because I didn’t want to tell Dante the wrong thing. “It’s possible to tell him you support him without coming out and asking if he’s gay or telling him you think he is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, recently a young actor from a popular television show came out and you could probably bring it up casually. Make a comment about how you think it’s cool he’s being honest about how he feels, or something similar, to let Hunter know that you’ll be there for him whenever he’s ready.”
A smile split Dante’s face and he lost the worried look on his face. “That’s a great idea, Mav. I can’t believe I didn’t think that up on my own.”
“Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our worries that it’s not easy for us to see a simple solution when one exists. I’m glad I could help you, Sprout. I’ll be here anytime you or your brother need me, but don’t forget about your mom. She loves you boys more than anything.”
“Thanks, Maverick.” He shocked me by giving me a hug.
I thought about the conversation for a long time after he rode off. It made me think of Noah and how much he wanted to be a father. While I wasn’t adamantly opposed to being a father like Justin, I had to admit to Noah that I hadn’t given it much thought until recently. My own experience with my parents didn’t leave me with warm and fuzzy feelings, but that didn’t mean I would be like them. I wasn’t sure how I felt about changing diapers, but I could definitely see myself with an older child. There were many kids in the foster system who needed love and permanent homes. I told Noah about the conversation and my thoughts later that night when I spoke to him on the phone.
“You’d be a great dad, Maverick. You’d use experiences with your own parents as what not to do.” His words mirrored my exact thoughts from earlier that day. “You’re not your father.” I guess I needed to hear someone else say the words for them to really sink in.
“I’ll probably need to be reminded of that if I ever become a father,” I replied, curious about his response.
“I’ll be right there.” I closed my eyes in gratitude that Noah felt as strongly as I did that we had a future. I was certain he wasn’t referencing being my neighbor or favorite uncle to my kid. It might’ve been presumptuous of me, but I was certain that he planned on being the other half of the parental unit to any kid I – we – might have. It was crazy to have those thoughts after only having Noah back in my life for a few weeks, but when it is real, you know.
Feeling that way made the distance between us harder to handle that night, so I changed the subject. “I got a call about your floors a little bit ago.”
“Yeah, good news I hope.”
“Your material will be shipped in two weeks so it won’t take as long to finish as I originally projected. Elijah’s Landing will be restored to his former glory sooner than projected.” I wanted him to say he’d be down to supervise the installation, but I knew it was probably asking too much.
“That gives me time to sort my schedule and be there to keep Elijah in line.” We both had laughed at the randomly slammed doors early on in the repairs. My guys either chalked it up to the wind, another member of the crew playing games, or just didn’t care. They’d shrug their shoulders and keep working. Apparently, Elijah approved because his antics ceased after only a few days of repairs.
“God, that’s even better news. I didn’t want to put any pressure on you, but damn I can’t wait to be sharing the same air with you again.”Air. Bed. Zip code.
“I’ll need to work part of the time,” he told me, his voice pleading with me to understand.
“Noah, I know how important your work is to you and I don’t have a problem with sharing you with your patients.” I’d have his mornings and his evenings just like I would if we lived in the same town.
“Actually, I’m working towardourfuture, Mav.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “I’ve been talking with VA hospitals and medical centers near Beaufort and there’s a strong need for my services. I’ve sent them my resume and references and I’d like to set up some in-person interviews.”
Was I dreaming? “Noah, that makes me so damn happy.”
“It might not happen quickly, but it’s progress. I might have to go back and forth between the two practices until I have all of my patients transitioned to Justin or another doctor we bring into the practice.” I recalled that hiring another doctor was part of his plan. He wanted to make sure his patients were set with their new doctor before he left permanently.Permanently.Noah wanted to be a permanent part of my life in Beaufort. “It will happen for us, Mav.”
