May 15, 1899
“IWISHICOULDgo with you to the harbor and give you a proper goodbye, Octavius.”
I watched as he pulled up his breeches and fastened them. I could’ve gone with him that morning to say goodbye, but there was no way I could’ve kept my true feelings for that man a secret. It killed me to pretend that he was a cousin, when in reality he was my lover; my whole world. He was the person I loved above all others and I couldn’t just stand there and wave him off like it was no big deal. We kept our goodbyes private, in our bedroom, where we blocked out the rest of the world and reveled in one another. It would have to be enough, because I didn’t ever see the world changing to accept that two men could love each other as a man loves a woman.
Octavius looked up and gave me his wicked smile. That smile and his long, wavy blond hair gave him the look of a pirate, even though he was really a merchant. “I believe you just gave me the only kind of goodbye that I want.” His blue eyes raked over my naked body where I laid with the sheets tangled around my legs. “I don’t mind keeping the crew waiting if you want to tell me goodbye some more.”
I wanted to pull him down onto the bed with me and never let him go. This voyage had made me uneasy from the very beginning. It was to be his last one. He had amassed enough wealth that he didn’t need to sail goods across the Atlantic anymore and I felt he kept placing himself in unnecessary danger every time he made the long trip.
“Are you still worried something bad will happen to me, love?” He knew me so well. He had owned my heart from the moment our eyes met and it wasn’t long after I started working for his family, that he owned my body too.
“I am, Tave. I just have a very bad feeling.” My voice broke as I was flooded with so much sadness at the thought of never seeing my love again. The voyage was something he felt he needed to do and I needed to support him and not make him feel bad. I reached for his hand and pulled him down to me for one last kiss. “Return to me, Octavius.”
“Always.”
I laid in our bed for hours after he left, memorizing the smell of him on my skin and in our bed. The dreadful feeling had turned into paralyzing fear as I realized that no matter what Octavius said, he would not return to me again.
