“We’re going to need a bigger vehicle,” Miller stated as we made our way to the hospital to meet the newest member of our ever-expanding family. Chloe came over to spend time with the kids so we could celebrate with our friends. I loved how Miller refused to entertain the notion that Lucas and Lily would live with anyone except us, making the need for a bigger vehicle a necessity.
“I’m not driving a minivan,” I replied, leveling him with a serious look. “I’ve accepted and embraced every single challenge that has come our way, but I’m drawing the line there. I can see us with a sleek crossover SUV but not a van.”
“I don’t think you’re embracing the beauty a van could bring into our lives,” Miller said. He sounded serious, but it was hard to tell with him sometimes. Miller could say the most ridiculous thing in a humorless voice while wearing a deadpan expression, so it was hard to tell if he was being serious or joking. “Some of those vans are very luxurious,” he said defensively. “They have comfy leather seats that probably recline back really far and television screens that fold down so you can watch movies.”
“Hell no.” I shook my head playfully. “I’m rolling up to Lucas’s and Lily’s games, concerts, art shows, or plays in something badass. I think you should leave family transportation to me. I’ll make sure the kids aren’t mortified. I’m thinking a Range Rover.”
“White?”
“Shows too much dirt,” I rebutted. “Dark gray or black,” I countered.
Miller pursed his lips and tipped his head slightly while he pondered my suggestion. “I could see us driving a Range Rover.” He nodded as the idea took root. “Tell you what, let’s take the kids to look at them this weekend so they can help us pick.”
“Deal.” Like Miller, I refused to play it safe. There were no guarantees a judge would side with us, but I loved our chances. My gut told me everything was going to be okay while my heart continued to expand with more love than I’d ever thought possible.
The waiting room was packed with familiar faces as we waited to meet little Miss Wright. Abigail had gone into labor in the middle of the night. They didn’t call any of us because they were focused on Abigail, who was scared out of her mind. I’ll never forget the happy tears in Gray’s voice when he called to tell us their daughter had arrived.
“It won’t be much longer,” Gram said excitedly when she greeted us. “I can’t wait to meet her. I wish those brats would have at least told me her name.”
“You don’t know either?”
“They wanted it to be a surprise.” Gram rolled her eyes in exasperation. “I get that she’s their little princess, but they’re not William and Kate who need to make some royal announcement.”
“Okay, guys, they’re ready for us.” Chase’s voice pulled us away from our conversations, and we all turned to look at him. His eyes were red and swollen from crying, but the smile on his face told us they were happy tears. “They gave us a private room so we could stay with her tonight since she can’t come home until tomorrow.” We all converged on Chase at once. He made sure to hug each one of us to thank us for coming as if we’d miss out on the happiest day of their lives.
Gray was sitting in a recliner rocking his little angel when we entered the room. There were so many of us that we could hardly fit, and I half expected the nursing staff to tell us we’d have to visit in shifts.
“Me first,” Gram said as she threw elbows to get to her great-granddaughter. “What’s my girl’s name?”
Gray rose from his chair with the sleeping infant. He placed his daughter in Gram’s waiting arms. “Everyone, meet Grace Abigail Wright.” Gram started to cry as she kissed Grace’s little forehead. Chase wrapped his arm around Gram’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head.
“We named her Grace after my mom and Abigail to honor her birth mother, who is a remarkable young lady,” Chase told us.
“It’s a beautiful name,” Gram told him. She sat in the vacated recliner and gently pulled off Grace’s knitted hat. “Look at all that hair,” she cooed. The kid was sporting a head full of curly, black hair. “I can’t wait to see what color eyes she has.” Gram ran her finger softly against Grace’s cheek and kissed her forehead several times.
“You’re going to share her, right, Agnes?” Ava asked.
Grace spent her very first day getting passed from one joyful person to the next. That little gal had no idea how much she was already loved, but it was a beautiful thing to witness. If I had learned anything the last several months, it was that families came in many different forms. There’s the family that you were born into, the family you chose, and the family that chose you. Each was beautifully unique in their own way. For those of us who hadn’t had a great start in life, the families we chose and those that chose us were the ones that meant the most.
Not only had I redefined the way I thought of families, I’d learned to forgive my mother. Xavier helped me to see past the addiction to the person she was beneath. By doing so, I allowed myself to remember the happy times and all the ways she tried to make up for my early childhood once she got sober. I forgave her for the crappy choices she made and no longer blamed her or myself for Will’s death.
The sad reality was that tragic events touched us all at some point. We could give up and quit living, or we could live for those we’d lost. We could put up a Christmas stocking to remember them or eat a piece of cake in honor of their birthday. We could donate to a charity they believed in and make them proud of the person we had become. We could choose to focus on living and loving, or we could choose to focus on the loss.
As much as Miller was missing his brother and Destiny, he put one foot in front of the other and focused on living. He made Lucas, Lily, and me his primary focus and his source of comfort on tough days. Grace’s birthday was a great day. I probably wouldn’t admit to anyone just how precious I thought Miller looked holding a tiny little girl in his arms or the sudden urge I felt to see him hold a child of our own someday. I loved the way he cooed to her and how comfortable he was holding a newborn, where I was terrified I’d break her.
I was quiet on the way home because so many thoughts were cycling through my brain. I kept wondering when I should ask Miller to marry me and how. It clearly wasn’t the right time when we were heading into a custody battle, but as soon as it was over, I wanted to show him how committed I was to our future and our family.
Lucas and Lily had their typical reaction when we got home, but we did as Lauren had instructed. We greeted them exuberantly, then quickly changed the focus to take their minds off their worry. It seemed to be working so far, and I had hope that in a few weeks they wouldn’t panic when we left the house.
The kids went back to coloring the pictures they’d been working on when we came in, and I pulled Miller into the kitchen. We could keep an eye on them, but we had a bit of privacy so I could talk to him about the custody issue.
“I think it would be best if I let Paul represent you at the hearing,” I told Miller. I could tell he was going to object, and I quickly continued so I could finish what I needed to say. “I’m too personally involved in your case. I worry I can’t be objective when it comes to you and the kids. Paul is brilliant, and he’s agreed to meet with you in the morning.”
“I don’t want Paul, Jag. I want you.” I loved hearing how much he wanted and needed me in all aspects of his life, but he needed someone who would maintain their professionalism. “I don’t want someone who is cold and detached. I want someone who passionately defends my right to these kids.” He tilted his head toward Lucas and Lily. “You’re the one who’s helping me take care of them and sees firsthand how much I love them and how devoted to them I am.” Miller moved closer and wrapped his arms loosely around my waist.
“I don’t want someone who’s going to recite family law by rote,” he added. “I want someone who will go to the mat for me and the kids. You’re that someone, not Paul. I’m sure he’s a good guy, but he’s not you.” Miller shook his head vigorously. “He doesn’t love me, and he doesn’t love Lucas and Lily, but you do. I need this to be personal because it’s the most personal thing to ever happen to me. These areourkids now, Jag. They trust us, and they need us. I trust you to protect them better than anyone else.”
I knew he was right, but that didn’t erase the fear I had of letting him and the kids down. If the unthinkable happened and the Candlesses were awarded custody, I selfishly wanted someone else to blame. Miller had seen right through my objection to the fear I didn’t want to admit.
