JJ
Miller’s suggestion for us to hook up on a more regular basis shocked and delighted me. To say I was sexually attracted to him was putting it mildly. Bones turned me on and drove me wild like no other man had before, but his intelligence, humor, and personality made him even more appealing. I found myself in the uncomfortable position of fearing I would be the one to fall in love and get hurt.
Our hookups started out once or twice a week, but gradually, over a few months, became three or four times a week. I didn’t know how else to describe the way he made me feel except to say he was like an addiction. I got twitchy and became withdrawn until I got my Miller fix. He brought so much more into my life than just sex.
He became the person I talked to about my work, and I was his sounding board too when he wanted to talk about the idiot who ran his department. I loved how passionate Miller was about his work and his students. He told me he admired the way I fought for our community, even though the things I battled for were things I didn’t want for myself. Miller called me selfless when most would describe me as selfish. It seemed he saw more in me than others did, including myself.
Miller was so much more than just the affable playboy I had first thought. One of the things I admired most about him was his dedication to his family. I didn’t know too many single men who gave up their weekends to babysit their niece and nephew so their parents could take a weekend getaway here and there, but he did. I loved how he had a spare bedroom just for them at his house and how he hung up the pictures they colored for him on his refrigerator. I loved to listen to him talk about his family, and I wondered what it must have been like to grow up surrounded by so much love. The beautiful man he’d become was a testament to the kind of parents he had. Every child deserved to be loved the way Miller was, regardless of the number of parents a child had or their sexual orientation. Love and acceptance could eclipse a lot of shitty circumstances.
He was wonderful to my purr babies, Ursula and Maleficent, when he came to my house. There was a lot of teasing on his part when he recognized I’d named my cats after two Disney villains. He often brought them treats or toys and spent time playing with them. It seemed the way to my heart was to be good to my kitties, and I definitely showed him my appreciation each and every time.
I did the same for his adorable dog, Indy, who was probably the smartest dog I had ever met. I’d never pictured Miller with a dog, but if I had, I would have guessed a Labrador or some other large breed. Once I’d met Indy, I couldn’t imagine him with any other dog. They were cute as hell together, especially when Miller talked to him and Indy cocked his head to the side as if he was listening very closely. I’d had to pay Miller back by giving him a hard time for naming his dog after Indiana Jones.
Casual lunches and dinners got added into the mix about four months after our arrangement began in January. I didn’t refer to them as dates because they were impromptu meetups that were totally random and didn’t involve sex afterward. I thought we kept it that way on purpose so we didn’t veer into territory that we’d promised to stay away from.
Yet for Miller’s birthday, I planned anIndiana Jonesmovie marathon and takeout from his favorite Chinese restaurant. It was my turn to go to his house and spunk up his sheets, so I took the DVDs and food over to his place around five. I was nervous he would reject my birthday gesture because it was too much like a date, but he seemed genuinely pleased at my thoughtfulness.
We dug into the food and settled on the couch to begin our movie marathon. I found myself eagerly anticipating the time in his company and the birthday sex I’d planned for later that night. The doorbell rang about halfway through the first movie, jolting me out of my sensual thoughts. Miller paused the movie and left the room to answer the door. I started to worry it might be Gray stopping by to wish him a happy birthday. Miller was still adamant Chase and Gray not find out about our arrangement because he didn’t think either would understand or approve.
Two rowdy kids ran into the room looking for Indy followed by two adults. A silly part of me wondered if I should hide in Miller’s bedroom until his company left. But he didn’t act like he wanted me to make myself scarce, so I stayed on the couch and waited to follow Miller’s lead.
The kids came to a screeching halt when they spotted me. They stood there looking at me with blue eyes that were identical to Miller’s. The adults were so busy apologizing for missing Miller’s birthday brunch that it took them a few minutes to realize the room had gone completely silent. They turned and saw me sitting on the couch and smiled politely.
“Oh, I didn’t know you had company. We’re so sorry for intruding,” the woman said as she looked back and forth between Miller and me. “I’m Destiny Brexler.” She crossed the room and held out her hand. I rose to my feet and shook her hand in greeting. “I’m married to Miller’s brother, Darryl, and I’m mother to Lucas and Lily.” She gestured at her blond-haired, blue-eyed children who were still sizing me up. “You must be Jag.”
I was stunned she knew my name because the only way she could possibly know it was if Miller had talked about me to her. Why would he do that, though? I looked over at him, but he didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he looked down at his feet. I decided to play it cool so I wouldn’t make the moment more awkward.
“Yes, I’m Jag. It’s very nice to meet you, Destiny, and you too, Darryl.” I turned and offered my hand to Miller’s brother, who shook it with a wry smile on his face.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jag.” He turned back to Miller. “Sorry we burst in on your date, bro. Lucas and Lily wanted to give their favorite uncle a birthday hug and kiss.” Darryl knelt down beside his children. “Why don’t you say hello to Uncle Miller’s friend Jag, then give Uncle Miller his birthday kisses and hugs so we can let them get on with their evening.”
“Hello, Jag,” Lily said in the sweetest little voice. She gave me a tentative smile. “I’m Lily, and I’m four years old.”
“Hi, Lily. It’s nice to meet you.” I was completely out of my league with this impromptu meet and greet and was flying by the seat of my pants. Lucas walked up to me and offered his hand like a little man. I smiled down into his twinkling blue eyes and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Lucas. Your uncle Miller talks about you guys all the time.”
“He does?” Lily asked.
“What does he say?” Lucas looked suspiciously at his uncle.
“He just tells me funny stories,” I told him. “Like how you dress Indy in Lily’s dress-up costumes or how you sometimes hide Lily’s favorite book because you’re sick of hearing the same book over and over.”
“Uncle Miller,” Lucas whined as if Miller had somehow given away his biggest secrets. He looked back at me with an earnest expression as if he was pleading for me to understand him. “Do you know how many times I’ve heardGreen Eggs and Ham? A trillion!”
Hearing the title of that book shifted me back in time to when I’d sat with another little boy with big blue eyes who’d pleaded with me to read it to him just one more time. That book drove me crazy, but it was his favorite. If only I had the chance to read the book to him one more time.
“I understand, buddy.” I dug deep for composure and tried not to let my devastation show in front of everyone. “You’ll look back someday, and that book will be a fond memory instead of an annoyance. I promise.”
“If you say so.” Lucas added a dramatic eye roll to his droll reply, which made the adults in the room laugh.
“Munchkins, give Uncle Miller his hugs and kisses so we can get going,” their mother said.
They ran to Miller, and he acted like they knocked him down. They pounced on him with delighted squeals and kissed his face repeatedly while they clung to his neck. It was a beautiful moment that helped pull me away from the ghosts of my past. Darryl and Destiny laughingly pulled their children off Miller and bid him farewell before leaving.
Miller returned to the living room and plopped down on the couch beside me after he walked them out to their car. He picked up the remote and turned the movie back on without another word. I recognized the move as one of avoidance, and I let it go. He didn’t want to discuss that he’d talked about me to his family, and that was fine with me because I was suddenly plagued with memories I had suppressed for nine long years.
I kept my eyes on the movie and recognized that Indiana Jones had found himself in a bit of a jam, but I wasn’t giving him any thought. Instead, my brain chose that moment to display every minute of my little brother’s short life that I could remember. Damn, I had forgotten how much he’d looked like Tweety Bird, which had earned him the nickname Tweety. So many memories flooded through me, one right after the next, like a home movie that was cut way too short by my selfishness. I hadn’t realized I had started crying until Miller spoke from beside me.
“It’s okay, Jag. Indy always finds a way to survive, get the girl, and his treasure.” Miller was going for flippant, but he couldn’t hide the concern in his voice. I was unable to do anything but shake my head. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Miller’s soft voice and the feel of his hand gently wiping tears from my cheeks broke through the dam I had built to keep the misery away. It was the final blockade left, and I found myself wrapped tightly in his arms once it came down. “I got you, Jag. I got you.”
