I crouched down beside him, which was probably a big mistake. I noticed every fine detail of his face from his long, dark eyelashes, to the tiny freckles on his nose that begged to be kissed, and the lush way his lips looked while pursed together in sleep. I told myself to leave him alone.Don’t touch him. Go to your room and go to sleep and let him rest.That isn’t what I did. His skin looked so soft and I just had to know if he was a soft as he appeared.
I slowly raised my arm and ran the back of my hand over his cheek. His skin was softer and smoother than it appeared and I found myself ghosting my fingertips across his forehead, down his nose, and across his pouty lips. I was so busy staring at the lips I wanted so badly to kiss that I didn’t realize that Liam had opened his eyes until his lips moved and I heard my name whispered breathily.
My gaze flew to his and I saw sleepiness mixed with arousal in his steady stare and it tempted me, oh, he tempted me beyond reason to take a quick taste of those lips. His eyes dropped to my lips as if he wanted the same thing. Slowly, as if in slow motion mode, Liam untucked his hands from beneath his face and sat up. He swung his body around and placed one leg on either side of my outer thighs. The rightness of being between his spread legs spurred me to do something I swore I wouldn’t; at least until I sorted out my feelings.
I raised my arms up and gently cupped his face, noticing how big my hands looked cradling his head. I knew what I was about to do was wrong - unfair even - but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from lowering my head and taking what I had wanted for so long. My eyelids closed at the first touch of his lips against mine.
Liam sighed through his parted lips and I breathed it in. I expected the kiss to feel different physically, as if men and women’s lips were somehow constructed of different flesh. Liam’s lips were slightly firmer than any woman’s lips I had kissed, but that seemed to be the onlyphysicaldifference. The real difference was in the way it made me feel inside.
It was just a small kiss, the slightest pressure of his lips pressed against mine, but I knew I was irrevocably changed. I felt that kiss down to the molecular level and it shook me to the core. Liam’s fresh scent penetrated my nostrils and tickled my senses, urging me to get closer and take more. It was Liam who boldly took the next step by licking the seam of my lips with his inquisitive tongue. I couldn’t deny him what he sought and opened my mouth to receive his gift.
He was restrained at first, as if he instinctively knew that this was a big moment for us - for me - but I doubt he knew just how big. My hands trembled against his face. His tongue slid seductively against mine, curled, and then he sucked my tongue into his mouth. My heart started to speed up and my dick throbbed to life, hungry and seeking relief. It had been a very long dry spell and my dick wasn’t feeling all that conscientious about hurting someone’s feelings. I was in control and there wouldn’t be anything more than a kiss, no matter how badly I wanted to lay sweet Liam down on my couch and ravish every inch of his slender body.
I heard moaning, but I couldn’t say for sure if the sounds were coming from one of us or both. I could smell and feel our need in the air that crackled around us with awareness and want. I kept my hands around his face, knowing that I would break the promise I had made to keep this at just a kiss if I moved them. Liam must not have made such a promise, because the hands that had been wrapped around my forearms now roamed up and down my chest, touching each muscle and sinew.
I needed to stop. I was fast approaching the part where I would give in to what both of us so plainly wanted with no regard to the next morning, but Liam deserved better. Still, I found myself pressing against him until he laid back on the plush cushions. My hands slid from his face down to his legs where I cupped the back of his thighs and lifted until he wrapped his legs around me, bringing our erections into contact. I was acting on pure instinct and adrenaline as I ground my hips against his. Liam broke our kiss and arched his head back in the cushions.
“Jack.” My name was a whispered plea for me to make it better, to make him feel right. He was so damn beautiful and everything I ever wanted, but never believed I could have. “Oh god,” he cried then bit his lip as I thrust my hips into the inviting V of his parted thighs. Liam released his lip and I leaned over him and licked at the indention his teeth had left behind.
I was so worked up after such an innocent act that I was afraid I was going to spill inside my briefs. We still had all of our clothes on and had kept our hands above the belt. Well, we did until Liam slid his hands down my back and squeezed my ass through my jeans. I was about to give in and give us both what we had been itching for, deciding we could work the rest out later, but a ringing phone stopped me in my tracks. It wasn’t my ringtone, so it had to be Liam’s. Who the hell would be calling him so late? A surge of jealously spiked my blood and sent it boiling.
“It’s Chase’s ringtone,” he answered my unspoken question. The lust vanished from his hazel eyes and was replaced by fear and insecurity. I hated that he felt that way and wished that I could help, but he and Chase had to work through it together.
“You better answer it.” I pulled myself off of him and rose to my feet. I turned my back and walked over to my wall of windows just as he was reaching for his phone in his pocket. I willed my body to get under control, but it didn’t listen, my dick was hard enough to drill for oil and it was pissed at the delay in the action.
“Hello.” Liam’s timid voice pulled on my heartstrings – strings I didn’t know I still had. War changed me and made me look at the world differently. I didn’t find joy in the simple things like I had before, and I felt like it killed off a lot of the sensitivity I felt toward others. Liam made me feel those things again – simple pleasures and compassion. “Hi Chase.” It got so quiet for a few minutes that I could’ve heard a pin drop, but then Liam’s soft sniffles penetrated my brain. I turned to find him smiling slightly in relief, with happy tears slipping down his face. “Okay, that sounds good. I’ll meet you there tomorrow at noon. You, too. Goodnight.”
Liam slid his phone back into his pocket and rose to his feet. “That was Chase.” He smiled in relief and it was so nice to see the stress lines removed from his face.
“So you said,” I said in an attempt to keep the moment light and get us away from the mistake we almost made. “Are things good now?”
“Better.” Liam smiled with a modicum of optimism. “He didn’t want me to go to bed thinking that he hated me or that he was angry. He told me he was shocked and disappointed that I hadn’t said something sooner, but he understood that it was probably harder for me to do than he realized. He invited me to lunch tomorrow and I accepted.”
“I’m really glad, Liam. I was sure he would come around, but I’m glad it didn’t take him too long.” I wasn’t sure what to say or do next. The air had turned thick with an uncomfortable tension between us and we stared at each other with apprehension in our eyes.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you, Jack. I would like to say that I was feeling vulnerable or blame it on me being half awake, but that would be a lie. I’ve wanted to do that from the first moment I saw you and although I shouldn’t have done it, I’m not sorry.”
“I’m not sorry either.” If he could be brutally honest then so could I. “I’m not sure I can be what you need from me, Liam. I’m not sure I’m ready to face things that I had shoved aside for so long. I don’t want you to be an innocent casualty of me giving in to a moment of weakness only to find out later that I can’t handle it. I won’t hurt you that way.”
Liam studied me closely, his confusion was plain on his face. He was probably thinking I was referring to being in a relationship and had no idea I was referring to having sex, or anything other than friendship, with a man for the first time. That was something I wasn’t ready to share with him. I suddenly found myself wanting to be alone to think.
“Do you want me to walk you out to your car?” Fuck! That sounded harsh and dismissive even to my insensitive ears.
Liam stiffened briefly and then seemed to relax a bit. If his smile was meant to appease me then he failed. It looked more like a grimace than a smile. “Not necessary. I can find my way.” He wiped his hands on his jeans several times as if he was nervous again. “I’ll see you tomorrow night when I’m behind the bar. Yes?”
“Yes. Tomorrow.” My one word replies didn’t do anything to lessen the awkwardness.
“Night, Jack.” He took a few steps backward and gave a little wave.
“Night.”
I watched him leave without another word. I didn’t want him to go, but Liam staying was not an option at that moment. I meant what I said about him being a casualty. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone, which was why I had such a hard time being the person I was born to be. There was no way I could live in the open without someone getting hurt. The question was, could I live with that? Only time would tell, but one thing I knew for sure was that my loft suddenly felt like a lonely place after having Liam there for even a short time.
CHASE WAS WAITINGfor me outside the Italian restaurant when I pulled up. He looked calm and relaxed which was the exact opposite of the emotions running through me. I didn’t sleep much the night before for very obvious reasons and it was taking its toll on me. I looked like an extra on the set of The Walking Dead as I shuffled up to the restaurant. Chase put me at ease with our brief phone call, but nothing and no one could put me at ease over the abrupt way my night ended with Jack.
What did he mean when he said he might not be ready to face things he had shoved aside? Was he referring to past hurts from relationships or his PTSD? Jack was so fucking hard to read that it was impossible to know what he was thinking. The one exception was the look in his eyes when he touched my lips when he thought I was still asleep. I saw the same raw need in his eyes that had been lashing at my guts for a long time. It’s what prompted me to make an ass of myself and kiss him. I’d like to think I would’ve come to my senses before things had gone too far, but I doubted it. I wanted him more than anything and I would’ve given into him; consequences be damned.
“That’s not an ‘I’m happy to have lunch with my brother’ look,” Chase teased as I approached. “We’ve connected as brothers for less than twenty-four hours and you already dread hanging out with me.” I smiled a little and he laughed. “Just wait until I you drag you to all of Gram’s shindigs,” he added with mirth. Chase held open his arms and I walked into them for my first brotherly hug. “I’ve always wanted a brother.” Hot tears of relief burned behind my eyes and stung my nose.
