“Same sex couples still struggle to adopt kids and become foster parents, even in states that are considered same-sex friendly. Having biological kids is really expensive and you have to find a surrogate. So, it’s a struggle to make that dream come true and I erroneously wondered why a bisexual man would choose me over a woman who could give him what he wanted naturally without depleting his life savings or having to hear heinous things said about him if he happened to get a homophobic social worker or judge during fostering or adoption processes. You want to believe that educated people wouldn’t think or say such horrible things, but they do.”
“Wow,” I said, unsure what else to say. “That is really low self-esteem. I hate that you felt that way.”
“Thanks,” he said quietly. “I know better now. When someone really, truly loves you then other people’s opinions and the bullshit that life throws at you won’t change how they feel about you. They’ll be in it for the long haul.” Chase paused to smile at me. “It took Gray’s patient love before I realized it. They say you can’t love someone until you love yourself, but sometimes you can’t see what there is to love about yourself until you see it through your lover’s eyes. Gray helped me learn to love myself by making me see that I was worthy of his love. He’s made me re-evaluate so many things in life.”
“Well, I’m glad you learned to love yourself, because you are so very lovable. I’m not just saying that because you’re my brother,” I added when he looked at me skeptically. “You’re a very kind and loving person, Chase. You are so devoted to your family and I meant what I said about you being a good father. Some kid is going to be so lucky to have you and Gray for parents.”
“You’re my new favorite brother, but don’t tell Xavier. He’s the middle child now and he might develop Middle Child Syndrome.” Chase placed his arm on my forearm. “Liam, I don’t want you to let Jack’s past make you feel insecure. First, Jack is a very honest man and he wouldn’t lead you on. I think he was being completely honest with you when he said it would take time for him to get over hiding how he felt for twenty years. Second, you said yourself that he didn’t look at Kristen the way that he looks at you. Hold onto that and let it flow naturally. I’m not saying to hold back your feelings though. If he says or does something that hurts your feelings then you should tell him. Communication is key to a solid relationship. Don’t have a meltdown like I almost did.”
“Meltdown?” Chase proceeded to tell the story of the time that he and Gray had a falling out early on in their relationship. He said that he had let his insecurities and fear of abandonment nearly ruin the most beautiful thing in his life. Gray wooed him back with an over-the-top treasure hunt, which sounded romantic and sweet. I had heard bits and pieces of this story, but not all of it.
“I overreacted out of fear, which is the worst thing we can do. Talk to Jack, Liam.”
“Thank you, Chase. I do feel a lot better after talking to you.”
“That’s what brothers are for, right?” A Grinch-like grin spread across his face. “Did I tell you that we’re being joined at lunch today?”
“No.” What was with the mystery?
“Yep. I asked my Gram to come and formerly meet you.” He broke into an evil laugh that had more than a few heads turning to look in our direction. “Sorry to throw you under the bus, but I figured I can give her a new pet project so that Xavier and I can get a break.”
“I’ma pet project now?” I tried to sound offended, but my laughter ruined it. “Thanks a helluva lot.”
“I’m making Xavier come too, so she’ll probably go easy on you today.”
We paid for our purchases and then headed over to a Mexican restaurant where Xavier and Gram were already waiting. Gram stood and gave us all hugs, but I knew right away that something was wrong. She wasn’t her usual vibrant self; the worry lines and pinched lips told me that she had something heavy weighing on her mind.
“Chase and Liam, I need to tell you something.” Gram picked up her glass of ice water and took a drink. I started to worry that something was really wrong with her. “Matthew Rivers stopped by my villa at the retirement village well over a year ago, I can’t be sure exactly when.”
“Gram, you never told me.” Chase sounded shocked and hurt. I reached across the table and grabbed his hand; Xavier grabbed the other. “Why?”
“Honestly, a rage came over me like I’d never experienced before and I didn’t give him the opportunity to speak. I told him I blamed him for my daughter’s death and slammed the door in his face. He didn’t tell me he was dying. He didn’t tell me that you had a brother,” she said in a pleading voice. “I would never have kept a brother from you.”
“Gram, I don’t know what to think. I know you were just trying to protect me. I know you’d never hurt me deliberately, but he was my father and he wanted to atone for his mistakes.”
“It just shows how fucking selfish he was,” she nearly spat. “What kind of man shows up after twenty plus years and tells a kid he’s sorry for the way he behaved and by the way I’m dying. Who does that? A selfish man, that’s who.”
Silence fell upon our table. “She’s right,” I said, finally breaking the silence. “It was a horrible feeling to meet your dad for the first time and knowing that he’s dying. I mean, he had a cab waiting. A cab, Chase. Gram is right, who the fuck does that? ‘Hey, I’m your dad. We never met and I can’t stay around because I’m heading over to hospice to die. Find your brother.’Poof!He disappears into the night in his cab.”
“Sounds like a horrible cable movie. I hope they don’t buy my music. I don’t want to be associated with that kind of movie,” Xavier said, making us laugh.
“Please forgive me, Chase.”
Chase dropped our hands and went to his grandmother. She rose to her feet and he pulled her into his arms and held her snuggly. “I know that you’d never do anything to hurt me. I have Liam, and for him I will be thankful, but nothing else of Matthew Rivers.”
All of the tension and worry faded from Gram, allowing her sparkle to shine through. We placed our orders and were probably two minutes into eating fresh chips and salsa when Gram turned her shrewd eyes on me. “So, sweetie, have you let that hot stud, Jack Murphy, catch you yet?”
“Um…” I looked at Xavier and Chase, but there would be no help coming from those two jackasses. Instead, they fist bumped each other and sat back in their chairs with matching grins.
“He looks like a pirate. Have you given up your bounty to that plundering pirate, sweet boy? And if not, then what the hell are you waiting for? Have you seen the way he looks at you? My lord,” she began to fan herself, “he eats you alive with just his eyes.”
“He’s my… um… we’re dating. Yes, dating.” My statement was met by a scowl from Gram and unmanly giggles from my two older brothers.
“Dating? Honey, there needs to be screwing. Lots and lots of screwing.”
“Yes, Gram.”
I wasn’t sure if I should crawl beneath the table and hide or run for the exit. I had to admit, I suddenly had images of Jack plundering me. My grandmothers would have been horrified to know that I even had sex, let alone encourage me to screw - and screw often. They’d never ask for details. I wasn’t quite sure what to think about having Gram’s bawdy attention aimed at me.
