“Thank you, Ace.” His sexy voice whispered into the night. “Will you come with me?”
“Of course.” I’d go anywhere any time he asked.
Jack turned onto his side facing me, holding me tight against him. I nuzzled his chest hair with my nose before I tucked my head beneath his chin. I couldn’t get any closer to him unless I crawled inside him. I should’ve felt too trapped to sleep, but it felt perfect to be wrapped up in Jack’s strong arms. The sound of his heart lulled me to sleep and I found myself in the exact same position when I woke the next morning.
I MADE ANappointment with Bevan St. Claire for later on that week. I was excited to begin the search for Jeremiah, but it was overshadowed by my need for Liam. He had chosen to go to his own apartment instead of staying with me the last few nights. He said he didn’t want to wear out his welcome and wouldn’t change his mind no matter how many times I assured him it would never happen.
The quiet solitude of my loft was no longer welcoming and relaxing. I missed the vibrancy that Liam brought into my life and home. Even when he was quietly reading, he gave out comforting vibes that hummed along my skin. I definitely missed him in my bed, but mostly I missed him tinkering in the kitchen while he experimented with food or curled up beside me on the couch while I watched baseball or reruns of football games on the NFL Network. I simply missed breathing the same air as him.
So, I was grouchy - yet determined - as I drove to his apartment to pick him up. I hadn’t gotten my physical or emotional Liam fix in a few days and I was putting my foot down later that night. He would be coming home with me that night or I’d follow him home; Iwouldhave him in my arms all night long.
My crappy mood evaporated as soon as I saw him step out of his apartment building as I was pulling up. My eyes took in the stylish picture he made wearing his dark jeans that made his legs look really long, a dark red Henley shirt covered by a stylish brown leather jacket and a scarf. I hadn’t really noticed a lot about guy fashion until Liam. He had an effortless way about him that made him look fashionable without being fussy.
The early October sun shone down on him and brought out the streaks of gold in his hair. Those natural golden kisses from the sun would fade soon as fall turned into winter. It was probably pathetic that I had harbored these little details in my heart instead of stepping up and admitting how bad I wanted him sooner. I couldn’t change the past, but I sure as hell could live out my heart’s desires instead of secretly hoarding them.
“Hi,” Liam said with a huge smile when he got inside my Jeep.
I grabbed his scarf in my fist and tugged him over the console and kissed him with every ounce of miserable longing I had felt the last few nights. Our kiss was so fierce it was almost brutal and neither one of us could get enough. My body burned with need and want. My balls felt swollen from the need to release, because using my hand just wasn’t going to be enough – not after having Liam.
Our kiss was getting out of hand in a hurry so I reluctantly pulled back from his tempting lips. “I would’ve come up to get you,” I told him once I caught my breath.
“Then we would’ve been late,” he replied, running his hand along my scruffy jaw. It made me want to peel off his scarf and rub my rough jaw along his neck until I marked him as mine. “I’ve missed you too.” I loved how he could read me when I couldn’t verbalize my thoughts as well as I wanted. He made me want to be more than I thought capable.
“So much, Liam.” Our eyes stayed connected for several long moments and I was certain that my smile was as sappy as the one he wore. “Charlie and I have been two lonely bastards without you.” God, it was the fucking truth too. Charlie had been giving me pitiful looks as if he was begging me to go find Liam and bring him back. I wouldn’t be letting my dog down that night. “I have to warn you, Ace. I’ve got you now and I’m not turning you loose. I’ll throw you over my shoulder and drag you off to my cave so fast you won’t know what hit you.”
“Sounds like I’ll be getting hit with a club by a man who has confused himself with a caveman.” I started to worry that I had somehow offended him, but then a sexy smile lit up his face and he said, “You make me so damn hot.” He reached between his legs and adjusted himself to get more comfortable; I wasn’t sure how he was going to get comfortable in those tight-as-fuck jeans. I couldn’t wait to pull them off, although I doubted we would get much further than the entrance table. I only needed to work them down to his knees to access what I craved. “We better get going or it won’t matter to me that we’re in your Jeep in broad daylight. The things you could do to me while I held on to the roll bar. Mmmm, I don’t think I’d even notice the nip in the air.”
I nearly swallowed my tongue. We had twenty minutes to get to Bevan’s office, but it was suddenly the furthest thing on my mind. Instead, I was trying to think of a private place – I wasn’t willing to share his beauty with anyone – where I could pull off, remove the top, and give Liam the fucking his eyes were begging me for right then.
“Later baby,” he promised me in a soothing tone. “I’ve missed you just as much. I haven’t slept worth a crap and I’ve learned my lesson. You’ll have to throw me out if you want me to leave from now on.”
“Never going to happen.” I put my sunglasses on; my day suddenly looked so bright that it hurt my eyes. I put my Jeep in gear and headed to Bevan’s office. “I’m not going to tell him that there was a sexual relationship between my granddad and Jeremiah,” I told Liam after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “I don’t think it’s necessary for Bevan to know that in order to find Jeremiah and I feel like it would betray Big Jack’s confidence in me.” I reached over for Liam’s hand before continuing, “It feels right telling you, but I don’t plan on telling anyone else. The only exception might be Noah.”
“Noah?” I felt Liam tense beneath my hand.Was he jealous?
“He’s my PTSD specialist,” I explained to Liam. “He has a very unorthodox practice; he’s casual in his attire and his office setting. Most of his patients are alpha type soldiers who probably aren’t comfortable talking about their feelings with a psychiatrist.” I looked over at Liam and gave him my innocent face. “Not me, of course. I’m the height of enlightenment.”
“Uh huh, except the part where you grunt and carry me over your shoulder to your loft where you unleash your inner caveman on me.” His words were followed by a high brow and a smirk. “I’d hate to see how you were before Noah got ahold of you.” It was my turn to stiffen, because I wouldn’t have wanted him to see how I was before Noah and Charlie worked their magic on me. “Jack, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. Fuck,” he growled in frustration, “I would’ve wanted you then just as much as I do now. You never would have been broken or damaged to me. I would have seen beneath the trauma and still found you.” He had so much regret in his expression and his posture; it looked like he was about to cry from the hurt he thought he inflicted on me.
“Liam,” I squeezed his hand, “I know you didn’t mean anything hurtful by your remark. Honestly, I’m glad you didn’t have to see me how I was before I got help. I don’t ever… Iwon’tever go back there again. It was the darkest, deepest pit in hell and I refuse to go back and drag my loved ones there with me again. Big Jack found Noah for me and practically dragged me to his office and I thank God that he did every single day.” I glanced over and found Liam still watching me. “Noah helped me through the darkest times of my life and he’s become a friend. After I read Big Jack’s letter, I needed someone to talk to and it seemed right that he was the first person I told that I was gay. His encouragement helped me face up to my feelings for you. Once I held you in my arms, I knew I had to be the man you deserved and tell my family the truth.”Maybe I did have a little Irish poet in me after all.
Liam brought our joined hands to his mouth and dropped a kiss on the back of my hand. “I’m grateful that he gave you the push you needed to be honest with yourself and the rest of us.”
“I haven’t shared any of the journal entries with anyone else,” my voice was raspy with emotion, “that’s just for us. Noah only knows about the letter Big Jack wrote to me before he died.”
“Thank you for including me in something so special.” Liam cleared his throat before continuing, “I agree that Bevan doesn’t need to know that they were in love. It isn’t our story to tell.” Liam got me like not many did.
I pulled up in front of Bevan’s building and parked the car. I shut the Jeep off, but didn’t make a move to get out of the car right away and neither did Liam. Once again, the way Liam usedweandourwhen talking about granddad’s revelation and the search for Jeremiah moved me deeply. The words weren’t forced or contrived, they just naturally rolled right off his tongue because they were spoken from the heart. That’s why they meant so much to me.
I almost blew the special moment when we stepped out of the Jeep and Liam reached for my hand to hold - I tensed up and he pulled his hand back, his body stiffened at his perceived rejection.Get your shit together, Jack.I stopped on the sidewalk and reached for his hand, tugging him around to face me. I pulled him into a kiss right there on the crowded sidewalk, not giving a fuck who was around or who it might upset. Liam was upset because I hurt him and making it right was all I cared about right then. I kept the kiss light, no tongue or roaming hands, but it still got my message across.
“I’m not ashamed of who I am or how I feel about you.” I whispered those words hotly in his ear just in case my kiss didn’t work. I almost told him that I loved him right then and there, but caught myself. That wasn’t the time for the romantic declaration I wanted. “I’m a work in progress, Ace. Twenty years in the closet,” I reminded him with an expression I hoped mirrored the one Charlie gave me when he was in trouble and wanted forgiveness.
“You’re forgiven, Jack.” Liam stepped up on his tiptoes and kissed me quickly before linking our fingers and tugging us towards the building. Once inside, he smiled politely at the receptionist. “Hello, we have an appointment with Mr. St. Claire.”
“Are you the Murphys?”
“Um… he is.” Liam blushed cutely and I couldn’t help but chuckle.Liam Murphy. It had a really nice ring to it.
