“Soon.”
Before he left, Gabe pulled me to him and pressed his forehead to mine. “You can trust me too, Josh.” At first I wasn’t sure what he was talking about then I realized that he probably caught part of what Meredith said to me. I figured he probably caught onto the shock I felt when I heard Billy’s name in the shower. Hadn’t he told me that my face gave away my thoughts?
“Soon,” I repeated. I owed him the truth of my past, especially since it was still a minefield he tiptoed through. I worried that he would think less of me for allowing myself to be treated the way I had.
“Fair enough,” he whispered before he dropped a sweet kiss on my lips. “Just so you know, nothing you say will make melikeyou any less.”
“Thank you for lunch. It was very sweet of you,” I told him when I walked with him back out to the salon.
“It’s your late night and I don’t want you hangry.” Gabe stopped when he reached the door. “I thought Buddy and I might stop over around eight with pizza. I might even throw in a foot rub afterward.”
I nearly moaned out loud because his foot rubs were fucking amazing. I sprung wood every time he dug his thumbs into my arches. Just thinking about it was enough to make me uncomfortable in a room full of clients. “Go, go now.” There wasn’t any venom in my words, only laughter.
I gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before I shooed him out the door. When I turned around to go to my station, I saw that every eye in the salon was focused on me. “Y’all go about your business before I add extra onto your bill today for the free show we just gave you.”
Gabe and Buddy showed up promptly at eight like he said they would. He picked up two pizzas because our choices of pizza on some nights were on the opposite ends of the spectrum. I wanted the Hawaiian pizza with ham and pineapple and he wanted everything except mushrooms on his, including anchovies. Yeah, I totally made him brush his teeth afterwards; no way I was kissing his fishy lips.
I learned right away thatsomethingsrequired a lot of work. There was more manscaping to consider when I was showing off my dangly guy bits on a regular basis. Gabe liked my smooth balls, plus I didn’t want him to get sac rash on his face from my scruffy nuts when he went down on me. We had schedules to juggle so that we got to see one another, and the debate about whose turn it was to sleep over at the other’s house. I had to make sure that Gabe’s favorite snacks were in my cabinets and he made sure to keep my shampoo and styling products on hand for me. Most importantly, and the only source for any serious debate, was the television shows we watched.
I was convinced there was a football game of some sort on every single night and, of course, that was what he picked to watch on his nights. I wanted to watch reality television where they fought and bitch-slapped one another. Neither of us like the other’s choices, but we compromised. We were mature and shit. On that particular Thursday night, I lay on the couch with my feet in Gabe’s lap and pouted a tiny amount because it was his night for television and of course there was a football game on, which meant I missed the new bitch-slapping premiere that was also on. At least I recorded the show and could watch it later.
Ugh, I would’ve been miserable if it hadn’t been for the way those guys looked in their tight pants. I tried to find the positive in every situation, and those pants were it. After an hour or more of staring at asses, I finally noticed the shirt thingies they wore. “Oh, those shirts are hideous. Who picked out that shitty brown color?”
“They’re called jerseys, babe,” Gabe replied patiently. “The team owner picked them in honor of the team’s name. They’re called the Browns.”
“Ugh, where is this team from? That color is just… I can’t even.”
Gabe rolled his eyes as if I was just too much for him sometimes. “Um, Cleveland.”
“Oh.”Oops. I had no idea about sports teams beyond Cincinnati or Dayton and my knowledge of those teams were sketchy at best. I pulled my foot out of his hand and held up the other for him to work his magic on.
The game lasted way longer than I had energy for so I crashed hard somewhere around the third period, quarter, or whatever it was called. Gabe shook me lightly when the game was over and told me that he and Buddy were heading home.
“Stay,” I said sleepily.
“Are you sure?” Two consecutive overnights in a row was something we hadn’t done yet.
“Yep.”
We stripped down and climbed beneath the sheets of my bed. Oddly, I couldn’t go back to sleep once I cuddled up next to him. I blamed the brief chill I felt while stripping down, but I knew it was because I wanted to unburden my heart to him. There was something about the dark that made confessions easier.
“Billy Sampson was the first guy I gave my heart… and other parts to,” I said softly. I felt Gabe tense beside me. I figured it had more to do with hearing that I had entrusted myself to someone so hateful than learning I hadn’t been a virgin. “He was a bullying prick even back then, but I learned one day after school that the hatred he felt was more towards himself than me–or so I had convinced myself.”
“I can’t imagine it went well,” Gabe said softly. He pulled me tighter against him as if he could protect me from the hateful memories of my misguided youth.
“He was like Jekyll and Hyde.” I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “When we were alone he was almost kind and caring, but when we were at school he still picked on me. In fact, he was worse after we had sex. I think it was easier for him to blame me than to accept that he liked boys. He made me promise not to tell anyone about us and I didn’t. I think a part of me was actually afraid of him and what he’d do to me if I talked about us. I didn’t even tell Chaz and Meredith about him until after he moved away.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Not with his hands,” I answered. “He was just cruel and I put up with it for almost a year. I foolishly thought he was the best I could do. He started dating a popular cheerleader our senior year. I didn’t know if it was to keep people off his back, or if he tried to convince himself he was straight, or was bisexual and didn’t want to admit that either; I just knew I hated seeing them together. Billy told me that she meant nothing to him and that they weren’t having sex. He promised that things would change for us once we graduated high school. I believed him right up until the girl got pregnant.”
“Ouch,” Gabe said.
“Yeah, and of course, in this town I’d heard it through the rumor mill before he had a chance to tell me himself. Hell,” I laughed harshly, “I doubt he would’ve told me had I not confronted him about it.”
“I’m almost afraid to find out.” Gabe slid his hand into my hair and rubbed my scalp.
“He told me that I had never been important to him and he never had any intention of being with me beyond the fucking.” The memory still hurt, but time and wisdom changed it from a sharp, stabbing pain to a dull one. “As bad as he sounds, he wasn’t the worst of the losers I trusted. If you’re a really good boy I’ll tell you about my first year of college.”
