“Do you have these often?” I asked him, while holding his shaking body close.
“I don’t have them as frequently as I did after it happened.” He looked up at me and clarified what he was talking about because my mind was spinning all kinds of terrible things that could’ve happened to him. “I was dreaming about Bianca’s killer and the night he tried to kill me too.”
“It’s completely normal to have nightmares after a traumatic event like that,” I told him. I rubbed my cheek against the top of his head and breathed him in and tried not to think about how close I had come to losing him that night. “Have you talked to someone about them?”
“No,” he said softly. “They are getting better though. I’m not sure what triggered it, maybe it was the thriller we watched tonight or maybe I can’t get closure until I know all of the facts that led to him killing Bianca. Hell, I refused to learn his name thinking that I could shut out what he did to me by not giving it any attention.”
“It didn’t work like you’d hoped, huh?”
“No.” Josh got really quiet and I thought he’d drifted back to sleep, but then he said, “Tell me about him.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. I didn’t want to do anything to make things worse for him. I knew that everyone processed and healed from trauma differently.
“I am.” He sounded certain and I had to trust that he knew what was best for him.
“His name was Oscar Davidson.” I ran my hand up and down Josh’s back and let my fingers bounce along the bones of his spine in an attempt to soothe him. “According to his wife, he confessed to her that he’d purchased a love potion from Bianca that was supposed to make her fall in love with him again. She said they’d drifted apart the last few years of their marriage and it was his attempt to put things back together again.” I dropped a kiss on Josh’s head while hoping that we never drifted apart. I’d been down that road before and it was a helpless feeling. “He apparently slipped the potion in her drink and instead of falling all over him, she confessed to being in love with his friend. That’s when he lost his shit and told her about the love potion.”
“Ouch,” Josh said. “Do you believe in that love potion stuff?”
“I’m not sure I believe it, but Oscar was convinced,” I replied. “His wife said that he came back and raged at Bianca for selling him the wrong kind of potion. That was when he practically ran you over on the sidewalk.” I pulled him tighter to me. “She knew he was upset, but she had no idea he was planning to murder Bianca.”
“Then he saw the media release that contained his police sketch and description of his car and knew it had been me who reported him.” He turned his face up to mine and asked, “How did he know where I lived?”
“He remembered you from the incident and probably came to town looking for you. As small as this town is, it probably was easy for him to do. He probably staked out Bianca’s house and saw you running then followed to see where you lived.” A hard tremor shook Josh’s body. “He’s dead now and can’t hurt you. I’ll do my best to make sure no one ever hurts you.”
After several seconds of silence, Josh said sleepily, “You have the power to hurt me more than anyone.” It was a heartfelt confession that his feelings for me ran deeper thanlikeand it warmed my heart.
“That’s not going to happen,” I told Josh confidently. “I’m going to fuck up and you’re going to set me straight. We’re going to figure this out because the alternative is unacceptable to me.”
“To me too,” he confessed, his voice fading as he was on the verge of falling back to sleep.
Sleep didn’t come to me as quickly. I held him tight and continued to run my hand up and down his back, but it was more for my peace of mind at that point. I thought about the words we exchanged and realized just how much I meant what I said. Josh was quickly coming to mean so much to me in a frighteningly short amount of time. I expected to be alarmed by the swift changes in my life, but instead I embraced them wholeheartedly.
As I lay there, another pressing thought occurred to me. Christmas was around the corner and I had no idea what the hell to get Josh. I wanted his gift to be poignant and meaningful on our first Christmas together, not something frivolous. I smiled in the darkness of Josh’s bedroom when the idea of his perfect gift came to me. It was going to be a Christmas he’d never forget.
JUST LIKE THE SONGsaid, it was the most wonderful time of the year. It was Christmas Eve and I was surrounded by people that I loved, great food, and a festive feel in the air. I sat quietly sipping a glass of wine and watched Gabe interact with Meredith and Chaz, who honestly adored that man. It was almost gross how they hero-worshipped him. Okay, so the man saved my life and probably my heart, but I thought it was best to keep him grounded rather than inflate his ego too much.
Gabe and Buddy had been moved back to his house for a few weeks and I missed them more than I was ready to verbalize. I still saw them nearly every day and we slept over at one another’s homes a few nights a week. I missed them when they weren’t with me, but I knew it was important to do things right and not rush into a situation that neither one of us were ready for.
I learned new things about him every day that were mostly adorable, such as his love for all things Christmas. I thought I was Christmas crazy, but Gabe took the cake and ate the whole damn thing without sharing. He sang along with the music, made a list of the shows he wanted to watch then searched to see when they were airing, and woofed down cookies faster than I baked them. He even bought us matching Henley pajama shirts and flannel bottoms with snowmen on them. Then there was the date to Cincinnati to ice skate, which was the sweetest thing since he hated being cold. I kept him as warm as I could with hot chocolate, and later, my body when we returned home.
As was our tradition, Meredith and Chaz came over for dinner and a gift exchange on Christmas Eve. I loved every minute of having them there, but I was ready for them to go home so I could be alone with Gabe. I had already decided that we would exchange our gifts that night rather than wait for Christmas morning. I knew I would be too excited to sleep. Still, I didn’t rudely push my friends out the door after we ate. I cherished every second we had together; near-death experiences made a person appreciate things more. Even so, I got a little anxious as the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight.
Gabe decided that Chaz and Meredith had too much to drink to drive so he drove them home while I tidied up things. He was back before I finished and immediately jumped in to help me. After we finished, Gabe tugged me close and cupped my face in his hands.
“I thought they’d never leave,” he confessed. “You know how much I adore them, but I really needed to do this.” He started to lower his head for a kiss that I knew would put the jolly in “Holly Jolly Christmas,” so I stopped him. “What?” he asked in confusion.
“I want you to open your gifts first,” I told him. “If you kiss me now then we won’t get to them for hours.”
“It’s not Christmas yet,” he said.
I pointed to the digital clock on the microwave that read 12:01. “It is now.”
I could tell that Gabe was trying to play off that he wasn’t excited to exchange gifts, but I knew better. He hurried to the tree and began pulling out wrapped gifts and sorting them into two piles, one for him and one for me. “Let’s do this,” he said.
I walked to the tree at a more leisurely pace, even though I felt like a five-year-old again on the inside. Gabe reached for my hand and tugged me down to sit beside him. “You open your gifts first,” I told him.
“No way.” Gabe shook his head. “We take turns.”
