“Don’t tell me what to do, Lainey. You’re not my keeper.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what you need. A keeper.”
He snorted and took the bottle anyway, but I noticed he didn’t resort to sucking down more of it. He was just sitting still with every muscle in his body tense. “Maybe so.”
I allowed him the space.
Seconds ticked by.
Minutes.
When I heard his voice again, I realized I was holding my breath.
“I would never intentionally hurt you, Lainey. However, it’s not safe for you being with me. That’s obvious.”
“Yet you told me it’s not safe being away from you. You can’t have it both ways, Sasha. You were having a nightmare. That’s all. It might never happen again.” I certainly didn’t know that, but dwelling on what had happened versus why wasn’t going to help him.
“Yes, it will, and I can’t take the chance I won’t awaken in time.” His words were deliberately said to force me into believing him.
“Have more faith in yourself,” I said quietly. “But you need to talk to someone. It doesn’t need to be me. We don’t know each other. You’ve made that painfully obvious.”
I could feel the turmoil from being so close. Whatever had happened with his wife was eating him alive, feasting on every aspect of his life. His mind. His heart. His soul.
“You don’t understand.” His voice was faltering. There was so much strength in the man and he wielded so much power, yet his apprehension to live again was a mountain he couldn’t climb.
“No, I don’t. I’ve never lost anyone very close to me. I can only imagine the terrible pain and grief. But you’re blaming yourself for whatever happened. That’s easy to see and completely unfair. And don’t you dare tell me that it’s about time I embraced that nothing about life is fair. I will argue with you until the cows come home.”
His lips twitched in amusement.
“The cows, huh? They better watch out cause a wild woman is on the loose.”
The joke meant he was coming in from the fog, but pushing him would only drive him away again. “Damn straight. Maybe you should keep that in mind.”
“The bullet was meant for me.”
I’d heard this tone before, words said without any emotion. His attempt at detachment from the situation had kept him going for several years, but he was running out of gas.
“Which one?”
“The one that murdered my wife.”
This I hadn’t expected, my breath hitching. Maybe I was naïve. “What?”
He nodded. “It was a beautiful afternoon just like yesterday. Selena and I had just come back from seeing the work being done on our new house. For some reason, I let my guard down. I was careless. I allowed her to exit the vehicle before I did. Shewas teasing me about something and came over to my side of the vehicle, making faces and blocking me in. Seconds later, Selena was shot in the back.”
Gasping, I immediately slapped my hand over my mouth.
“Unfortunately, there was nothing the doctors could do. She lost a lot of blood before I could get her to the hospital. Her blood pressure was high because of her pregnancy and the numbers bottomed out. She was without oxygen for too long and she…”
“She was pregnant?” Oh, my God. What the man must have gone through.
“Not quite six months. She was placed on life support. The doctors were able to save Nina, but she was tiny. So frail. There were complications and she almost lost her battle to live more than once. She spent almost eight months in NICU before they released her. Just so precious.”
Without hesitation, I grabbed his hand, doing nothing more than squeezing his fingers in mine. “I’m so sorry.” Hearing stories about families being crushed was horrible. They always brought my emotions to a breaking point. The sound of his voice was haunted, yet he was so cold. Lifeless. “What happened, Sasha? Why do you say the bullet was meant for you?”
His emotions turning even darker, he pulled the bottle to his lips, his breathing even more labored. “Because no one would ever want to hurt her. I was the bad guy, the monster. I’d done several terrible things in my life. She was innocent. So sweet. Just like you. That’s why I’ve gotten so angry. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Anyone who would ever want to hurt you under any circumstances deserves to face me on judgment day.”
His entire body was shaking from rage and memories. I had to try to defuse the situation. Somehow. Some way.
