“When? When the fuck did he do this?” she screamed, tears falling from her eyes.
“New Years Eve. I was eleven,” she told me.
She grew quiet for a moment, and I’m sure she was trying to have her mind go back to all those years ago. She probably didn’t remember much of that night because she had gotten drunk. I’m sure she remembered the events that led to that night though. We had something at the house that night. Family and friends had come over. Torrence was over. I remember she woke up the next morning, and she was sick, but now that I’m old enough, I know that it was a hangover that she had, and she wasn’t sick.
It’s like all that clicked to her, and she broke down even harder.
“Why… why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell meeeee Dionne? Why?” she cried. Through tears of my own, I shrugged my shoulders, not sure of why I didn’t tell her. There were so many reasons. It wasn’t just one.
“Look what… look what it did to you. I was scared,” I cried to her.
“What it did to me? Damn me, Dionne! Look what it did to you! This nigga touched you… violated you, and your worrying about me? You could have told me. Dionne… you could have told me this. You know I would have fuckin killed him. Why? Did you think I wasn’t going to believe you? Why did you do thisssss?” she was irate, not being able to calm herself down.
I didn’t answer her questions because it was too heavy for me right now.
The seatbelt that she had on, she removed it. Once it was off, she leaned her body into me, pulled me to her by the back of my head, and I broke down against her. She broke down too, and during that, she kept telling me over, and over that she was sorry, and that I should have told her, so that she could have handled it. She was living with so much guilt right now.
When she eventually let go of me, and she went back to her side, dropping her head in shame, and she broke down again, I knew that the guilt was attacking her, and that’s never the way I wanted her to feel.
“I’m thinking that… that I’m so close with my kids, and I know everything about them, when I don’t,” she cried, her head down. I never said anything.
Five minutes later, she spoke again.
“Ima kill him. I swear to God I am,” her words were cold, and I believed her too.
“He’s in jail, ma. They’re holding him without a bond. He was drunk driving, and he hit someone. The person is in the hospital, fighting for their life. You can’t get to him,” I let her know.
She didn’t say anything else after that. She just leaned backed in her seat, and I could feel that I was sitting next to a broken woman. I managed to break her with this, and that’s truly what had been my fear all along.
Chapter 22
Tavion ‘Tank’ Briggs
Everything is Falling Apart
Iwas over my uncle Roy’s crib. I pulled up about an hour ago because this is where Rico was, and I just wanted to sit in, and chill with him, while he was going through this difficult time. I tried to pull up on him a few days ago when I got back from Gatlinburg, but Rico made it clear that he didn’t want to be around anyone right now. I wanted to respect his wishes because I know I have moments where I get in that mode, and didn’t want to be around anyone, and all I wanted was for people to respect that, so that’s what I was giving Rico.
After a while, the shit wasn’t sitting well in my spirit, knowing that I hadn’t pulled up on him, so today, I got up, and I came to my uncle’s house. I left Dionne at my crib. The past couple of days have been hard for her. She came home Sunday after church, finding me in the living room, crying to me about what happened between her and her mom after church. I saw the brokenness in her eyes behind having to finally get that monkey off her back, by telling her mom what happened to her as a kid, but I could also feel the weight that had been removed.
She was still a little sad behind it today. When I left the house, she was lounging around in the bed, but I told her that when I got back, I would take her out because I just wanted to dosomething with her that would put a smile on her face, even if it was just temporary. I just felt like she was taking on a lot these days. Also, it was crunch time with her dad’s parole hearing coming up, so I knew within the next couple of weeks she was going to be even more stressed about that.
I checked on her a couple of times since I’ve been here, and she was in bed, still lying down, telling me that she was going to fall asleep, and for me to be safe while I was out. Knowing that she was pregnant now, I could feel myself being overprotective over her, just making sure that she was straight. That’s why I hated that she had been sad and in her feelings like this because I only wanted to see her happy these days, especially since she was pregnant.
I was proud that I was getting ready to become a daddy. Dionne didn’t tell me that I had to keep it a secret, so on the way to my uncle’s crib, I hit my mama up, letting her know that she had a grandbaby on the way. Man, my ear was still ringing from the way she screamed, excited about the news. My mama had been on my ass for years now about a grandbaby, and the moment had finally come for her.
I knew when my mama got excited, she liked to tell the entire world, so I had to tell her not to go posting shit on Facebook, and how she didn’t have to call up every home girl in her phone to tell them that I was having a baby.
“How was your trip? You was in Gatlinburg, right?” my uncle Roy asked me, as he walked back into the living room, where I was sitting.
It was just the two of us out here. Rico was upstairs in one of the guest rooms. Since I’ve been here, he hasn’t come down. I had to go upstairs to the room and talk with him. He was sitting in the corner of the room, with the lights off. I had to flash my flashlight on my phone just to be able to see something in that pitched dark room.
I was watching my little cousin in real time go through depression. This shit was eating him alive. It didn’t matter what channel you put the TV on; someone was going to be advertising the shit that Rico was in right now. He was trending all over social media, as well. People around the world were posting his highlights from this season, showing a lot of the inconsistencies in his plays. It really wasn’t looking too good for my cousin. He knew that too, which is why he was upstairs, sitting in the dark.
I was used to coming around, and Rico would be proud to see me pull up. He treated me as if I was a big brother to him, so his smile would be big whenever I would pull up on him. He would always have some new story to tell me, but I got none of those things this afternoon. He didn’t offer two words to me, and I wasn’t upset with that because I knew what he was dealing with was heavy.
I pulled up today, just so he could know that I was here, and whatever I had to do to help him fight this shit, I was going to do that.
“Gatlinburg was good. I love that shit. I still can’t get over the scenery out there. My girl keep saying that she wants a vacation cabin out there. Unc, I’m so fucked up about her, that I’m thinking about getting it for her for Christmas,” I replied, and when I said it, my uncle looked at me, and he laughed.
