“Chill out. I got you when we get back,” he said, and that was the first time ever in my life that I’d gotten turned down sexually, and I really didn’t know how to handle that.
My temper set in quick, forcing me to shove him, and I stood up from his lap. Mind you, his dick was pointing towards the damn ceiling, yet he was pushing me away when I was trying to have sex with him.
“Why do we have to wait until we get back? How come we can’t just do it right now? I don’t like this. Why should I have to beg you to have sex with me?” I asked, out of my seat, hands crossed, really wanting to know what the hell was going on.
My eyes kept going from the look on his face, and then down to his dick, and I watched his dick in real time slowly go down.
“You ain’t begging. It ain’t nothing, baby. I was just saying let’s wait until tonight, so that it can be more special. I got shit to handle at the store, and as soon as we finished eating, I was going to get ready. I don’t want anything to slow us down,” he couldn’t even look me in my eyes as he was saying this to me, so I knew that he was lying.
So many thoughts started flooding through my mind. I started thinking if this nigga might have went out last night, while he was already gone, and fucked another bitch. Right after he left here last night, I tried to stay up, but I ended up passing out not long after. I went into a deep sleep because these days, I haven’t been able to get that much sleep, so last night, my body was playing catch up. I didn’t hear him when he got back last night. Because of that, I really didn’t have a clue what all he did last night while he was out.
“What time did you get back over here last night?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Shit, I don’t know. Probably like two something. After I left my grandma crib, I swung by my house right quick, so that Icould bring some clothes, and shit over here. Why?” he wanted to know.
“And during that, you didn’t stop and fuck another bitch?” I just went ahead and asked what I was thinking.
When I asked him that, he looked at me like I was crazy, tilted his head to the side, as if he was trying to figure out how I’d come up with this shit, and then he stood up from the stool.
“Ay, I don’t know what kind of marks them other niggas left on you that you dealt with before me, but don’t do that. Don’t sit here and accuse me of some shit that I know I ain’t out here doing. I’m standing in front of million-dollar pussy. Why the fuck would I stray and fuck something of a lesser value? What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked, and you could hear it all in his voice that he was annoyed with me.
“So, if it’s million-dollar pussy standing in front of you, why won’t you fuck me then?” I asked.
“Because I’m mentally fucked up from that shit that you dropped on me last night, Dionne! Give me time to process that. I didn’t want to have to say that to you, but you standing here, accusing me of pulling up on another bitch, and fuckin her, so I had to tell you the truth. You been fuckin me for a few weeks now. You know how I get down by now when it comes to getting pussy. The second you reached in my briefs, I would have been had you on top of this counter, fuckin you senselessly, but that bomb that you dropped on me is weighing heavy on me. I can’t fuck you right now,” his words hurt me.
I fully understood what he was trying to say to me, and I knew that he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings, but he did. He made me feel like I was damaged goods. He made me feel like he was disgusted with me from some shit that was done to me, and that hurt me badly.
I felt like I’ve broken down too many times in front of him in the last 24 hours, and I didn’t want to continue doing it, so with aheavy heart, I quickly rushed out of the kitchen, and I barely got to the hallway before Tank came over me, grabbing me up from behind, putting me in a bearhug, as I fought for him to get off me.
“Tank, let me go. Just let me go. Break up with me, while you’re at it. That hurts what you just told me. That fuckin hurts,” I was screaming, crying, and fighting to get his arms from around me, but he wouldn’t let me.
Tank was much bigger than me, much stronger, and much faster, so everything that I tried to do to get out of his hold, he wasn’t allowing me to do it.
“A nigga could put a gun to my head, and tell me to break up with you, and I still wouldn’t do it. I hate that I even had to just say that shit to you, but baby, that’s just how I’m feeling right now. Bae, I feel fuckin bad that a nigga did that shit to you, man. It happened already, and it angers me that I can’t do shit to reverse it from happening. That motha fucka took something from you, and the very thing that he took from you, I just ain’t got it in me right now to fuck you. Shit going to make me feel guilty, you know? I ain’t saying that we won’t ever fuck again. I crave you too fuckin much to never want to have sex again. Bae, all I’m saying is give a nigga some time. Can you do that? Can you not make me feel like a fuckin monster because of this one time that I’m probably going to turn you down out of the million other times that we’ll have in the future? Don’t do this shit, baby. You making a nigga feel bad,” he was in my ear talking to me.
When he finished, he placed kisses all on the side of my neck, my face, just anywhere that he was able to land them. I’d calmed down by this point, but his words were still playing in my head.
“What if your never ready again though? What I told you was heavy. How do I know that you’ll get to a point where you’ll forget about it, and you’re able to be intimate again with me? And if you don’t, what are you going to do? Leave me? Tavion,I love you. I ran away from you for as long as I could, but I finally let my guard down, allowed you into my life, and now my feelings are way too deep for you. That’ll break my heart if you wake up one day and decide that you don’t want to continue doing this with me,” I was super vulnerable right now with him, telling him how I really felt.
“Even if I’m never ready again, which I’m sure it won’t come to that, I still wouldn’t leave you for some shit like that though. I wanted you before I even got the pussy. I been crushing on you since we first met, and I’m going to always crush on you. I don’t love you the way that I do because you got good pussy, Dionne. The good pussy is just a bonus. I love you because you’re beautiful. I love you because when you finally let that fuckin wall down, you became someone that I thoroughly enjoy being around. I love you because I know if my grandparents were still here, they would have loved you for me. It ain’t just pussy that you bringing to the table, so dead that,” he took a hand off me, so that he could slap me on my ass.
His words helped, and it gave me the assurance that I needed right now.
I turned around in his arms, and I looked up at him.
“I’m sorry for accusing you of being with another woman. I was just trying to make everything make sense. I’m sorry,” I was honest.
The fact that Tank got me to apologize to him, and he didn’t even have to ask me for it, that’s how I knew that I loved him for real, and that I really wanted this to work because it took a lot to get me to apologize. I liked to think that I was always right, and Tank showed me that that wasn’t always the case.
He let me know that he accepted my apology, and he even apologized for hurting my feelings with his words, even though he wasn’t trying to. From there, he ushered me to the back, sothat I could go ahead, and get ready, and run the streets with him.
These last few days had truly been kicking my ass, so I should be giving him another apology in advance for the way that I was going to disrespect his cards once we got to the mall. Anything that I even thought I would want, I was going to pick it up and make him get it for me. A bitch was in distress, and I could use the retail therapy.
Hours later
8:45 P.M.
“Let me take her home with me. I’ll bring her back tomorrow,” I said to Free, as I was sitting in the living room at her, and June’s house, holding my niece, Liberty.
