“Olivia?” Victor’s voice makes me jump. I almost tip over one of the cups of tea, but grab it, causing some of the hot liquid to land on my hand. With a hiss, I pull my hand to my chest. Victor is beside me immediately and takes my hand in his gently. He grabs a paper towel from the holder and dabs it gently on my hand. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I try to pull my hand out of his grasp, but he holds on to it. “It’s alright. I was deep in thought and didn’t hear you come in.”
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the burn slightly. I suck in a breath unable to look away from his eyes. My heart starts beating rapidly and chills break out along my arm up to my neck.
“Are you okay?” He lifts his head, but doesn’t let go of my hand. I look away from the intensity of his eyes and nod. “Don’t lie to me.”
My head snaps back up to meet his eyes again. My heart twists painfully because I did lie to him. I’m not okay and he knows. Up until this point in my life I’ve been able to hide, but with him it’s not possible.
I motion to my phone with the hand he’s not holding. “I was just texting with Ansley and it made me a little sad. She’s moved to Atlanta and Caroline is pregnant. It feels like we’re all drifting apart a little and I don’t like it.” Looking away from him again, a lump forms in my throat. “Ansley saved my life, and she doesn’t even know it,” I whisper.
“What do you mean?” His voice is a gruff whisper.
“The number of times I considered…” I’ve never said this out loud. “I wanted the constant looking over my shoulder to end, the constant tightness in my chest and stomach to go away. Even in a crowded room, I’d still feel completely alone. The cutting helped, but only in the moment.” Pulling my hand out of Victor’s grasp, this time he lets me. Grabbing the paper towel from his other hand, I use it to wipe up the few drops that landed on the counter.
“Do you want sugar or milk?” I ask him.
“Just sugar,” he replies. I put a teaspoon in each of our cups and hand him his. He tilts his head at me as I take a sip and hum. It’s the perfect temperature. “Let’s go upstairs to my office.” He turns and leads the way. Keeping my eyes on my cup, I follow him, making sure it doesn’t spill.
I’m not sure why we’re going to his office; usually we have deep conversations in the sitting room. Well, the few times I’ve been over. One side of my mouth tips up slightly. I enjoy talking to him. It’s hard telling my secrets, but he doesn’t push me. I justchanged the subject and he let me. Looking up from my cup, my eyes zero in on his ass as he climbs the last few steps.
He is really the whole package. Handsome, understanding, and an amazing kisser. I love that he was my first kiss. It’s the one thing Donovan never took. It was the one thing I was able to give freely, and I’m glad I chose Victor. At the top of the stairs, the hallway goes to the left and right. On the right side there’s a banister that looks over the foyer and further down are the bedrooms. To the left is Victor’s office, a library, and several other guest bedrooms.
I think this house has five bedrooms. He didn’t show me all of them the other day because some of them aren’t furnished yet. Guiding me into his office and closing the door, he takes a seat behind his desk and motions for me to sit in a chair across from him. As he takes a sip from his tea, he nods in approval.
“That is very good.”
My chest expands with satisfaction at his praise. “I have an infuser at my house. I’ll have to make you some with that one day.” Taking a few more sips of my tea, I wait for him to say something else.
“Would you like to continue what you were talking about downstairs?”
He’s giving me a choice on if I want to keep talking about it. This is one of those forks in the road, depending on what I choose will depend on what happens after the conversation. I take another sip from my cup to give myself some time. Maybe I’m being dramatic and over-analyzing. I glance at Victor and take a deep breath. Whatever my decision is, he'll accept it. He’s not one to force or take. Victor wants me to trust him.
I set my cup and saucer down on his desk because my hands have started shaking from nerves and I don’t want to drop them or spill the rest of the tea. “One day at work, Ansley found me in the bathroom having a panic attack. I had never really talkedto her before. She had been with the company for a little while, but I kept to myself, terrified of getting to know anyone. What if they knew Donovan? What if they had been planted in my life by him?”
Pausing for a moment, I rub my hands down my jeans. “I thought I had seen Donovan’s car that day on my way to work. I tried so hard to act normal, but kept thinking about it. So, I went to the bathroom and was trying to talk myself down, but nothing was working. I kept thinking if I had brought my box with me to work, but…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “The night before, I cut where my big toe and foot meet. No matter how much I pressed on it, it wouldn’t release the pressure. So, my thoughts turned to climbing the stairs to the top of the building and jumping.”
Opening my eyes to see Victor’s reaction, his face is completely calm. He’s leaning back in his chair, one hand resting on the arm of the chair. The only sign this is upsetting him is the slight tick in his jaw.
“I had thought about it before. But I wanted to be a survivor. In that bathroom on that day, I didn’t think I could continue like that. My mind was almost made up when Ansley walked in and talked to me like I wasn’t losing my mind. Then she invited me to go to lunch with her.”
After a small shrug, I continue. “She saved my life that day and she has no idea. I haven’t told anyone that. Not even my therapist.”
He pushes his chair away from the desk, his knuckles white from gripping the arms of the chair so tightly. He crooks a finger at me.
“Come here.”
Chapter thirty
Victor
She stares at me for a few seconds before standing, walking around my desk, and stopping next to me, facing me. I lace my fingers with hers and guide her so she turns around, then pull her onto my lap. Taking a deep breath as she gets comfortable, she brings her knees up and tucks her head under my chin. I wrap both of my arms around her and hold her tight, breathing in her lavender scent, hoping when we begin talking about our relationship that she agrees with everything because I never want to let her go.
Resting my cheek on her head. “I’m so sorry you had to face all of that by yourself. I should have been there and protected you.”
“Victor—”
“Shhh. It’s my turn to talk,” I interrupt her. “We went to lunch once a month, and I was so absorbed with my shit I didn’t notice what was right in front of my face.” Tightening my jaw, I guessnow I understand why her friends haven’t noticed. It seems like they’re dealing with their own shit too. “The only thing I’m glad I did was not miss a single lunch. The thing with Josie happened the week before one of our lunches and I almost called to cancel because I was in so much pain and still recovering, but I had this feeling that if I didn’t go, I’d never see you again.”
