“Did you get the tattoos to cover the scars?” I ask. He had tattoos when I was little before he married Josie, but I don’t know how many.
“I always wanted a back tattoo, but that became my motivator for getting one that covered all of my back.”
He rolls over onto his back and motions for me to scoot closer. I lick my dry lips, take a deep breath, and move closer. When I lay my head on the crook of his arm, he begins to rub his fingers up and down my arm. My muscles are tense because the last man I was this close to in a bed was Donovan, but with every swipe of his fingers my muscles relax.
“Josie said she was new to BDSM. She was sure she was a sub, but thought she might be a switch,” Victor continues.
“A switch?” I ask, not remembering coming across that term during my research.
“A switch is someone who enjoys the Dominant and submissive role.” He pauses maybe to see if I have any more questions. “I’m not a switch and told her as much, so I left it at that. A few months later I went to another one of their singles nights and she was there again. She told me she had been in a relationship with a Dominant and realized she was a submissive. She found she enjoyed that a lot more.” He takes a deep breath. His abs shudder slightly like he’s remembering.
Reaching out my hand, I trace the line of his tattoo and offer a semblance of comfort. He sucks in a breath and goosebumps break out along his shoulders and neck. I tuck my bottom lipbetween my teeth to try to hide my smile at the effect I have on him. He only has one on his chest, but both of his arms and hands are covered. The one on his chest is Roman numerals over a motorcycle. Maybe it’s the date he joined The Outsiders.
“We entered a relationship and she was an excellent submissive.” My finger hovers in the air at his admission and I clench my jaw. He runs his fingers through my hair and turns his head slightly to kiss the top of my head. He reads me so well. “When you enter a Dominant/submissive relationship, you go through a list of things deciding what your hard limits are. My hard limit was being submissive. Josie had very few hard limits. She wanted to try everything then see if it became a hard limit. She rarely safe worded. I safe worded more than she did.”
He runs his other hand over his face and shakes his head. Squinting, I try to keep up with what he’s saying. Some of these terms are very new to me, it’s like learning a new language. I don’t interrupt him though because this is upsetting him and he probably wants to get it out, so he doesn’t have to talk about it again.
“We got married after six months. We even had a collaring ceremony for just our friends in the lifestyle. I started noticing a change in her close to our one-year anniversary. She was becoming controlling. Josie didn’t like how much I was gone. If I didn’t answer my phone when she called, she’d throw tantrums. I don’t like brats. I’m not into the daddy/little scenario, and she knew that. Being a brat sometimes is fun, but she was doing it almost every day.”
He lets out a heavy sigh, so I lean up to look at his face. I offer him a small smile before tracing his eyebrows, then the edge of his beard, over his cheekbones, to his chin and up the other side of his face. He relaxes and closes his eyes.
“I sat her down and told her she had to stop or we were going to take some time apart. Only a few weeks after that, yourmother passed away and the conversation got put on the back burner. She was so pissed I went to your house the day after the funeral to have breakfast with you. She wanted to come, but I told her no and left.”
Thinking back to the day of the funeral, she had been self absorbed as much that day as she was any other day she had ever been around. “Looking back now, there were signs that showed me she wasn’t a submissive, but I kept hoping I could help her or fix her.” He shrugs. “She finally admitted to me she was a switch, and she felt like being married to me was forcing her to give up that side of her. She asked if we could have an open marriage and I told her absolutely not. I don’t share.”
My stomach clenches more and more as he continues. It makes me want to find Josie and wring her neck. I lay my head back down on his chest and resume tracing his tattoo, but become a bit more bold in my explorations as I trace the lines of his abs too.
“So, I compromised. I told her I would switch with her once a month. The first few times we did it, it wasn’t that bad. I actually enjoyed it. She did become the Josie from when we first met. I thought it was helping. Then she tied me down on my stomach, which I didn’t care for but didn’t safe word because she had done that before and it was okay.”
He pauses for so long I sit up to look at him. He’s squeezing his eyes shut so tightly and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid. I lean up on my knees and grasp his face. “Open your eyes Victor,” I whisper. He slowly opens his eyes and stares into mine. “You’re in your bed with me. Josie isn’t here.” He brings his hand up and grips the back of my head.
“Mydolce ragazza,” he whispers.
His breath tickles my lips, and for the first time in my life, I want to kiss someone. The urge to lean down and press my lips against his consumes me. My stomach flips at the thought andan ache I’ve never had stirs in my core. Heat trails over my skin like needles pricking me, my throat is suddenly dry, and a bead of sweat slides down my spine.
I lean away from him, suddenly unsure of what to do next, but he doesn’t seem to notice my anxiousness because he continues. “She whipped me with a bamboo cane she made that I didn’t know about. Those are used by some couples, but it’s agreed upon beforehand like everything else. I safe worded after the fourth hit, but she didn’t listen. She kept hitting me and yelling at me that I ruined her and made her into what she had become and now I had to pay.”
He squeezes his eyes closed and I cover my mouth with my hands. I don’t want to hear anymore, but at the same time want him to finish telling me his story. “Crystal found me and called Malachi. He’s the president of the Outsiders, and they took me to the clubhouse.”
My eyes widen. “The clubhouse? You should have been taken to a hospital.”
Victor opens his eyes and shakes his head. “Malachi knew I wouldn’t want that kind of publicity. We had just moved to Mississippi. The plan was to get this place and property, renovate it, and move in. It was her dream, but after that day?” He huffs.
“I haven’t seen her again except when she took me to court trying to get half of everything. Thankfully, I listened to Malachi in that regard and got a prenup. There’s a doctor in the Outsiders and a nurse. They both took care of me until I healed. It really affected my businesses being out that long. It took me almost five years to recover.”
He sits up and pulls me into my lap. It’s so sudden it surprises me, but it doesn’t scare me or make me flinch. “It’s why I wasn’t there for you. I was an absolute mess and completely self absorbed, not seeing the signs when I should have.” He putshis face in the crook of my neck, holding me tight. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold him just as tightly. “I should have been there,” he murmurs against my neck and goosebumps break out along my skin.
“You’re here now and for the first time in a long time, I feel safe.”
Victor pulls back and stares at me so intently, seeing every secret, every scar, every fear. His eyes drop down to my lips and my heart races in my chest. He hardens under me and for the first time ever, that sensation doesn’t scare or disgust me.
“Can I kiss you?”
Chapter twenty-seven
Olivia
“I’ve never done that before,” I admit to him in a small voice. Donovan did a lot of things to me, but he never kissed me. Victor stares at me, surprise evident in his eyes. “But I’d like you to be my first.” His mouth tips up into a small smile before he leans in slowly, giving me enough time to change my mind.
