“So we can do it again?”
The delight in her eyes makes me chuckle. “Maybe, but also so I can be better prepared next time. I had to force myself not to shake you out of it to make sure you were okay. It made me feel…” I don’t know how to describe how it made me feel.
“Vulnerable?” she asks and I nod.
“Exactly.” Talking through this is making me feel vulnerable too. I guess because this is the first time I’ve experienced a first with her.
“Well, it makes me feel good that this is something we both got to experience for the first time together,” she says.
I wasn’t expecting her to say that, but warmth spreads through my chest at that. It is something we experienced together for the first time. I grab her loofah and pour body wash on it. As I wash her body, she relaxes even more.
“Over the past couple of weeks, I began to regret giving you that tin box.” My hand pauses as I wash her back. I’m not sure what this has to do with her going into subspace, but I’m sure she’s making a point, so I wait. “Then today at Connor’s, I had the thought that pain would help me cope.” My breath catches in my throat. “I’m not afraid of pain. As you know, I used it as a coping mechanism. So, today when you spanked me, it hurt, but it felt good too. And when you added in the pleasure, it just…”
I nod in understanding. “It made it that much better?”
“Yes,” she murmurs. “Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?”
“No!” I wrap my arms around her and hold her close. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
We fall into a lull of quiet as she washes me like I washed her. When we get out of the shower and dry off, I grab her hand and lead her back to the bedroom. I put some more oil on her assbefore we climb underneath the duvet. Pulling her close, I run my fingers up and down her arm as she lays across my chest.
She’s so quiet I’m not sure if she’s fallen back to sleep or not. “Olivia?”
“Yes?” She lifts her head and looks at me. It’s dark, but I can make out her face.
“If there are days you need pain, I want you to tell me. I need you to write these things in your journal. I know I’ve been saying that a lot, but it’s important.”
She sighs. “I will. I’m sorry I haven’t. It’s just… I was scared. I’ve never shared any of these things with anyone. Even with my therapist, well… she knew some things. But with you, you don’t judge me, and you see me. But that didn’t make it any less scary.”
I cup the back of her head and run my fingers through her hair. “I understand that, but from now on, I need you to be completely honest with me. If you have a day where you contemplate even for a moment hurting yourself, tell me. We can have scenes like that in a controlled environment that will give you what you need and will end in pleasure.”
Olivia gives me a dreamy smile. “Oh, I realize that now.” I snort as she lays her head back on my chest. “What kind of scenes would we do in a controlled environment?” she asks. I use this opportunity to tell her about the club that taught me how to be a Dominant.
“We could use one of their rooms. Then, if that’s something you’d like, we could build our own room here.” Her hand rubs along my chest and she sighs.
“I like that idea. I definitely want to do that.”
Her voice is growing soft. It won’t be long before she drifts off to sleep. So, I’ll wait until tomorrow to broach the subject of having a collar ceremony.
Chapter seventy
Victor
Iopen the velvet square box and show it to Olivia. She gasps slightly and reaches out her fingers to touch it. The collar is simple. It looks like any other necklace, and something she can wear during the day. If she does agree to go to the club I told her about last night, we’ll have a different collar for that type of occasion, but I don’t want to overwhelm her, so I don’t bring that up yet.
“How do I put it on?” she asks.
It’s rose gold and matches the bracelet I bought her. I got them at the same time, but I’ve held on to this, unsure if I could bring myself to give it to her. After yesterday, I knew I couldn’t wait another day. I lift the box so I can show her.
“The heart is a lock and I have the key,” I tell her and she grins at me. “What?”
“You have the key to my heart,” she says. “See, we do have movie love.”
I chuckle and nod in agreement. “That we do, baby.” Her cheeks turn a shade of pink. She likes it when I use the simple endearments on her, so I’ll have to do more of that. Pulling the key out of the discreet pocket on my leather bracelet, I put it in the lock, and turn it. “See, the lock holds the chain together. I’ll be the only one with the key, so only I can put it on or take it off.”
“It’s so beautiful.” Olivia runs her finger along the diamonds on the heart, then runs her finger along the edge of her engagement ring. “You’ve bought me a lot of jewelry.” She rolls her lips between her teeth and swallows.
“And I’ll buy you a lot more.” She gives me a hesitant look. “Olivia, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
