I understand where she’s coming from. I feel that way about Victor. After we get Donovan and I’m safe, what will happen to us? I wish I knew. I wish he’d tell me.
“I know how you feel. I have loved Lincoln for years, since I was fourteen or fifteen. It still doesn’t seem real some days. Connor loves you. As Liv said, we’ve all seen it. He’s never not going to want you,” Ansley encourages her and I nod in agreement.
“Have you two broken in the new gym yet?” Caroline asks. My heart drops. When they talk about the shenanigans they’ve been up to, I would love to share, but no one knows about Victor and me. I’m also unsure if they’d understand our relationship.
“No, but we broke in what we now call our booth at Sombreros yesterday,” Bec says. I gasp along with everyone else.
“Please tell me which booth that is, so I never sit in it,” I say, scrunching my nose. Everyone chuckles.
“Restaurant sex is the best, isn’t it?” Ansley asks with a sigh. Bec and Bailey gape at her, but Caroline and I already know about this. Ansley smirks. “Our guys seem to have a thing for public extracurricular activities,” she says unapologetically.
I rub my neck and look away. The most public thing Victor and I have done was in his garage.
“You know, this seems surreal, too. The only friends I ever had were Connor and Bass. I had to watch my back on the streets, and I couldn’t trust anyone. I love you girls so much,” Bec says. I’m glad she’s changed the subject.
“I think all of us have struggled somehow with making friends. That’s why we clicked,” I say with a smile.
“Exactly,” Caroline agrees. “I love Sebastian, but you girls saved me just as much as he did.”
Bailey hugs Caroline. “Life is good,” Bailey exclaims, lifting her glass in a toast. We all click our glasses again and share a smile.
“Have you received any more flowers?” Bec asks me.
I run my fingers through my hair. “Yes.” I take a sip of my drink, not wanting to talk about it.
“Is Victor still staying at your place?” Bailey asks. I’m not sure what to say, so I nod.
“Is something going on between you and Victor?” Ansley asks.
My eyes widen, and I shake my head. “No.” The word tastes bitter on my tongue, but what’s going on between us is so complicated I don’t want to explain it. “Do you all think that?” I ask, glancing around.
“Well, when I told you about Julian a few weeks ago, you said age doesn’t matter. As long as he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want,” Bailey says.Was that only a few weeks ago?
“Oh, that.” Running my hands down my thighs, I ignore the need to reveal my secret. “I have a crush on him, but nothing has happened. He’s perfectly proper.” Pinching my lips together, wanting to tell them. “I’ve never been attracted to another man like I am to him. I’ve known him my entire life, and he’s old enough to be my dad. But things are different now. He’s different,” I whisper. It’s the closest I can come to an admission.
“Different how?” Bec asks.
I swallow and look at Caroline. “You know how you said Bass could read you without you having to say anything?” I ask her. She nods, understanding lighting her eyes. “That’s how Victor is. He’s learned my quirks and how to hear what I’m not saying when we talk. It’s almost scary, but I love it. He doesn’t get mad or judge me. He accepts me.” I think of everything I’ve told Victor that I’ve never told anyone else.
“Yeah, that is the best,” everyone says and begins laughing. I look at each person.
“So, you’ve all experienced this, then?” I ask. Maybe if I told them they would understand.
“Yeah. I speak my mind, and I don’t apologize for it, but Julian loves it. He’s very blunt and doesn’t beat around the bush,” Bailey says.
Ansley nods with a small smile. “Lincoln acts frustrated with my brattiness, but he loves it. It’s our thing, and it always leads to amazing sex.” She sighs with a dreamy look in her eyes.
“I still struggle to say what I want. Being in an abusive relationship for so long, those survival mode techniques don’t just magically disappear. Sebastian understands that and will talk me through them when it happens,” Caroline says. I get that because Victor does that for me too. I glance at Bec and she shrugs.
“I’ve always felt like I was too much for people. I’m silly and take things to the extreme, but Connor loves it. Even when we were just friends. One year, I wanted to dress up like a penis for Halloween, so he dressed up like a condom. He jumps on board with all my crazy ideas and supports them 110%.” Everyone begins laughing as I think about all of their revelations about their relationships. I have all of that with Victor.
Bec smiles at me. “We all know exactly how that feels. It explains why you would have a crush on him.” I return Bec’s smile, my cheeks heating up.
“Have you thought about saying something to him?” Bailey asks.
I shake my head, thinking about the number of times I’ve wanted to ask Victor if I was more to him than his submissive. “I couldn’t deal with the rejection. Then if he doesn’t feel the same way, it would make things awkward. He probably views me as his goddaughter.” That last part isn’t even a little true. If he viewed me that way, he wouldn’t do the things with me he’s done. I grimace. “That’s sick. Isn’t it?” I watch everyone closely.
Bailey places her hand on my arm. “No. You haven’t seen him in years. You’ve grown up. It’s not sick.” Everyone nods inagreement. Victor has been in my life for almost a year, but I don’t think anyone knows that.
