Placing my hands on my hips, I leaned toward him. “You never told them I wasn’t coming because you hoped somehow I did, right?”
His nostrils flared. “No. I didn’t know how to tell them because they wanted to meet you, especially Elle.”
“Then you can’t be mad about me meeting them when you made my mother fall in love with you already. So, is she justsupposed to forget she met you because you’re trying to end us as soon as the picture isn’t perfect?”
He winced like he’d been physically hurt. “I guess I haven’t learned. Hurting people because of my actions. I moved too fast with us. You said you weren’t ready, and I insisted that you were. We should’ve been stronger before introducing the fam.”
“If we didn’t connect instantly as we did, I would agree. I didn’t expect to fall in love this quickly, but here we are. We’re at the age where we know exactly what we want. There’s no need to figure us out. You said it yourself, either we work, or we don’t. I would’ve never introduced you to my mother if I didn’t believe we had a future.”
Carter dropped his gaze to his balled-up hands.
I pointed at his portrait. “Over there is the Carter that the rest of the world knows. Brave. Strong. Gifted. Handsome. Magnificent. Not the man I met. Quiet, strong, caring, loving, vulnerable. Real. You have been intentional, transparent, and honestly a little aggressive. Exactly what I needed to understand that I didn’t need just any man, I needed you.”
“You told me that you hoped that I was the kind of woman who would make you do something that you didn’t want to do, and I knew it was right for you. I’m here because I’m right for you.” I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at me. “I didn’t make you feel safe, though you made it clear that you’d been hurt and love was a risk for you, too. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you that Bishop had reached out. I was humiliated in front of two hundred people who knew I failed at love, that somehow, I couldn’t keep a man. I became a shell of a person because I hated myself for not seeing the signs that we weren’t right, not because I lost this great love. I took pride that I wasn’t the woman to fall for a man simply because he seemed like a catch. I thought I was a pretty good picker until him.”
Carter’s expression softened.
“I didn’t suddenly become content with being alone, or being alone became my default because I’d been hurt. I’d been content way before I met him. I’m an introverted only child who learned early on not to rely on a man. I was never boy crazy or prayed for a man. I’d seen too much heartbreak to ever fully believe in the happily ever. But I took a chance on love with Bishop. Call me petty, but it felt damn good that he reached out to me for the last four months, and I ignored the fuck out of him because I no longer cared about his reason. I blocked him for good the same night we walked in the park. Never thought he was bold enough to show up in person.”
I released his chin and slid into his lap. His hands remained on the arms of his chair, though his gaze was focused on mine. “You make me believe true, real love is possible, that I can rely on you. That I don’t have to do this alone. You’re not just a provider, you’re a caretaker. It’s in the way you treat your children, the way you are to your exes, our mothers...you treat sick animals, Carter. How many black men do you know who said they wanted to become a veterinarian because they wanted to help sick birds when they were a boy? Youarea unicorn and a dream, at least for me. And let’s not get it twisted, you’re far from perfect. You have the most confusing, messiest past I’ve ever heard of. Ethyn and Elle are twins born at the same time, and you’re only Ethyn’s father? You were a sperm donor to a bisexual couple and cheated not with the woman you used to mess around with, but withherwoman? Talk about a reality show in the making.” His mouth twitched as I continued, “You’re arrogant and spoiled. You’re way too loud...like your voice carries through these thick walls like they're thin, especially when you watch a game, which is pretty much every day. You cook because you’re picky about food, and not cause you’re such a great cook. You hog the covers and go to bed and expect me to go to bed with you like we’re five years old or eighty.”
“And none of that matters because you remind me why God created woman for man. We need each other like we need to breathe. I fell in love with you, way before I knew you. Yes, I can learn to be content alone again. And I will learn to forgive myself and truly live again, whether you can get your head out of your ass or not, and be with me.”
“Head out ofmyass?” He asked incredulously. His broad forehead wrinkled again.
“Out of all the things I said, this is when you question me?” I waved my arms wildly. “You made it plain your intentions with me as if I need to accept your past mistakes with women and accept the man you are right now. Well, you need to do the same with me, which is actually a lot easier.”
He inhaled and exhaled deeply, still wearing the same cross look.
“Your ex still wants you, like mine allegedly wants me. The difference is that Christmas was the last day I would ever see him again. You have a child with Joi. And guess what, you have children with another woman, who you loved enough to give her your name. I don’t have any lingering connections with any man. You won’t ever have to feel like you did again, and I don’t know if there will be a time when you’ll remember that you were crazy about Joi or Darren at one point and want them back.”
“I don’t want either one.” He firmly stated.
“Then believe me when I say I don’t want Bishop anymore.” I shrugged. “Maybe if he looked like Tupac inJuice, you might have to worry a little.”
His lips fought against the smile.
I pointed at his mouth before kissing him. “I’m done trying to convince you. I’m going back in there with your children and your Mama, who already seem to like me, and I like them. If you decide you want to join us, then join us. We’ll be in the backyardpopping fireworks. A tradition my mama and I used to do back home.”
Carter warned, “We’re not allowed to do fireworks in this community.”
“Pay the fine, you know you can afford it. We’re not in a drought. Everything will be fine. Besides, everyone is excited. Wouldn’t want to disappoint them the same night I meet them.” I sighed in frustration at his unyielding stance and pushed off his lap. “I’m here tonight because I’m not bringing in the New Year alone. If you decide you don’t want to continue what has been an amazing start of us, I’ll go home in the morning. Because I can’t and don’t want a lecture about driving around at night by you, though I’ve been doing it just fine for years.”
I turned and walked out of his mancave. Proud of myself for giving him my heart.
Even if he didn’t receive it.
“Is Dad coming?” Ethyn asked when I returned to the kitchen, where they were all cleaning together.
“Yeah. He told us to get started without him, if that’s okay?”
“If he’s in his mancave, he can be there for hours,” Sekani added. “I don’t want to wait for him. It’s almost ten.”
I tossed my keys to him. “Feel like getting the rest of the stuff out of my car?”
He grinned and rushed out of the room. His sprain fully healed.
Ethyn headed out the back door. “I’ll put the dogs in their kennels. The fireworks might scare them.”
