Chapter 12
Pat
“I am not going back with you and that’s that,” I told Bill as we were back in the hotel room, with a body guard positioned outside.
“I’m not leaving without you,” Bill retorted. He’d somewhat sobered up, but he still looked like hell. It wasn’t the together person I used to know. “Do you know what the neighbors must be thinking about me since you left?”
“The neighbors, really Bill, that’s something coming from you. You brought a prostitute into our home in broad daylight. And you’re wondering what the neighbors will think? Maybe they spotted the prostitute. In that case, I’m pretty sure they’re thinking what I did: that you can’t care about me if you’re sleeping with a whore.”
“That’s not true,” Bill said, actually looking hurt. And I guess it wasn’t. He had cared for me. But he’d not respected my wishes, or our marriage. Caring for someone is one thing, putting your own desires to the side from time to time to show you truly value their well-being as much as your own is another. No, Bill definitely did not respect me, or my wellbeing. Relationships ask for sacrifices he wasn’t prepared to make. In short, he was selfish. He put in an effort with date nights and chocolates and roses, as well as a gazillion other things, but he couldn’t be bothered to stop sleeping around or letting me take a job I wanted, because it didn’t suit him.
“Fine, you care for me. But that’s not enough. Our marriage is over. I care for you too, and I hope it goes well for you, but our marriage is over. Totally over. I’m not interested in having a relationship with you. Maybe one day we can be friends. Care for each other. But I sure as hell am not going to be in a relationship with a man who disrespects me to the point of sleeping around for years and then bringing a prostitute into my home. My own home. Who the hell sinks that low? Now go. Leave. Or I will call security.”
Bill looked unsure. Clearly this was not what he had expected. What he expected was that I was still the easy pushover I’d been in our marriage. At first, I hadn’t noticed as we wanted the same things. But the past few years, I only did what he wanted, to keep the relationship going. And I was through with it. We wanted different lives and I for one wanted a respectful man in my life, if I could ever bear dealing with one again. Looking at Bill now, I couldn’t believe I ever thought I knew him. Here he was — practically stalking me. A man I so mistakenly thought was sensible. Kind. Loving. Not someone sleeping with prostitutes or barging into my workplace and throwing around dirt.
“Just leave, Bill. I mean it.”
Bill turned. I exhaled. I started to become scared of him.
Then he turned back again.
“Don’t think this is over. It’s not. You’re mine.”
I felt shivers down my spine. What the hell was up with him?
“Go, just go. Sober up.”
Then he left. Finally.
Shaking, I sat down on my bed and cried. How could I ever trust a man again?
A few minutes later, I heard a soft knock on my door.
“It’s me, Jeff.”
I stood on legs that felt like jelly and walked over to open up.
“Hi,” I said and just stood there. I didn’t even know how to relate to Jeff anymore, how could I? If I didn’t know Bill, how could I even begin to imagine I knew Jeff? Today on set, he behaved like a control freak. Maybe he was just like Bill? Wanted it his way and didn’t care what his partner wanted?
He enveloped me in a bear hug, but I couldn’t relax. I just didn’t know who this stranger was. Or I thought I knew, but tomorrow he could be someone else, just like Bill had turned out to be. He’d just humiliated me in front of all my colleagues. God!
“Hey, how are you?” Jeff mumbled against my hair.
“Not so good,” I said, truthfully.
“You’re probably in shock,” Jeff said. “Let’s grab something to eat. I’ll drive you to that seafood diner we went to the other night. It’s a calm spot. You need calm. And you need food before your body gives out. I heard you never had lunch. Come on.”
Robotically I followed Jeff out the door. I was thankful someone was telling me what to do, because I didn’t know anymore. My whole life had turned into an unknown place. Did I really even belong in this life? I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything.
Jeff gently led me to the convertible and then drove me in silence to the diner. The scenery that had been exciting the other night, now seemed like nothing. I couldn’t appreciate the beauty.
At the diner, we ordered and ate, mainly in silence. The food that had been divine previously, now tasted like paper. Chewing was hard. It was easier to just drink. I downed copious amounts of juice.
“I’m really sorry,” Jeff finally said. “I know you need to rest before you can even think again, but I’m here, OK? And after you’ve shot a scene tomorrow, you’ll feel better. You told me he left. Let’s take that as a good sign. One thing finished.”
“But soon it’s the end of our shoot, Jeff, soon we go separate ways, to our different lives. We don’t even know if this series will get made beyond the pilot. And I have no idea where my life is going.”
“No, but we can still exist together. No one in Hollywood knows where they’re going next. We all live from project to project. You’ll get used to it.”
