Maybe she’s right, and I’m just making it a bigger deal than it is. Maybe I should just enjoy it. It feels like a bad idea, but everything in me wants to do it anyway. A small, reckless part of me is even excited by it all, by the rush and the risk, by the way I feel when I’m with either of them.
This is so confusing to me. I’ve always been a rule follower, and this feels like breaking all the rules. The last thing I want isto be the girl who screws up her career for a fling (or two). But I do want it. I want them.
“Speaking of keeping things casual—are you still seeing Adam?” I ask, trying to steer the topic of conversation away from my bad workplace habits.
Adam went to law school with us, and he and Mina have been casually hooking up for about a year.
“I know you’re just trying to change the subject so you don’t have to tell me all the filthy details you know I’m dying to hear.” She side-eyes me. “But yeah, we saw each other this past weekend. He bootycalled me after he got home from the bar. Pierce managed to pass the bar exam this time, so all the boys went out to celebrate,” she says with an eye roll.
“It truly warms my heart that you hate him so much,” I chuckle.
“What are best friends for, if not praying on the downfall of each other’s enemies?” she jests, although I know she’s being completely serious.
We talk and drink until the bottle is gone, and my anxiety feels distant, tucked away behind Mina’s reassurance and the fog of alcohol. She leaves with a hug and a promise to be back with more wine and more wisdom whenever I need it.
As soon as she’s gone, the quiet settles back in, heavy and uncomfortable. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about continuing to see both of them, but the thrill of it lingers, dangerous and enticing.
I find myself thinking about Nash, how badly I wanted to see him tonight. How much I want to see him again.
I pull my phone from the couch cushions and open Nash’s messages, typing out a quick text.
I owe you a date. Are you free Saturday?
I’m about to put my phone down when it dings with a new message.
James
Get home okay?
Getting a text from James that’s not work-related is surprising, almost jarring. Truthfully, I wasn’t expecting to hear from him at all.
Yes. About to go to bed.
James
Sweet dreams, Avery.
Making my way to my bedroom, my phone pings again. I change into pajamas and climb under my covers, Salem snuggling my side, and check my messages.
Trouble
Aren’t you supposed to be dreaming of me right now?
Maybe, but I’m awake and thinking about you.
Trouble
Keep boosting my ego like that and I’ll come over there to thank you in person right now.
James left me too sore to even consider having Nash over tonight, but I can still feel the heat rush between my legs at the thought.
I think I can juggle them both, but not in the same night.
Down, boy. Saturday?
Trouble
You know I’m free whenever you want me, doll.
