Minutes pass like hours, and my exhaustion fades slightly until I glance at my watch. It tells me I still have a full day of waiting ahead. I close my eyes and breathe deeply.
Nash may be out of sight while I’m here, but I’m dreading how complicated things will be when I’m back at the office. When he flashes me his signature grin or grazes his fingers across mine.
How can I know something is so wrong and still want it so badly? My stomach lurches, and I’m unsure if it’s the lack of sleep, the anticipation, or the fact I haven’t had lunch.
Maybe all of it.
My case is finally called, second to last on the afternoon calendar. I shoot to my feet and adjust my skirt. A tired but genuine smile spreads across my face as I walk to the podium situated before the judge.
There’s a nervousness, a lightheaded adrenaline, that I know will fade the more I do this.
I speak with as much confidence as I can muster after a day of over-caffeinated anticipation, a night of restless sleep, and weeks of temptation and distractions I didn’t count on having when I took this job.
The words are careful, deliberate, well-rehearsed.
And fast. Too fast.
It’s over before I know it.
The judge’s decision is short and direct. “Motion denied.”
The words cut. They wound my pride, but I keep my face neutral and my thoughts focused. I tell myself it’s one minor loss in a sea of inevitable wins and other defeats, that it’s a learning experience.
I gather my files, brushing a stray lock of hair behind my ear as I bend over to zip my bag. The emptying courtroom matches my head as I let my mind clear of people and thoughts. Cleared of everything but how glad I am to have been anywhere but in the office today.
As I leave the courthouse, I catch myself smiling slightly, proud to have at least survived my first hearing and already planning new arguments for when I have the opportunity to bring more issues before that judge again.
***
The elevator doors glide open, and I step out into the office. It’s almost five, and the office is quiet, almost empty.
I got my wish. A day of peace and a mostly Nash-free Valentine’s Day, with the exception of the numerous times he occupied my thoughts.
I see Maddie in my periphery, hustling to pack her things and head out.
“Attorney Anders!” she chirps, enthusiasm unfazed by a full day at work. “You got a delivery today. I put it on your desk.” She winks. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“Thanks, Maddie,” I say, trying not to sound too deflated as she brushes past and leaves for the evening.
I round the corner to my office and spot them right away.
Two dozen red roses.
My heart does a small, traitorous flutter when I see them. A twitch that suggests things I don’t want to let myself entertain. But I can’t deny the way it betrays my resolve. Or the giddy smile I can’t keep from my lips.
I place my files on the desk and lift the card nestled between the roses.
“Have dinner with me,” it reads.
No name on the card, but no doubt who they’re from.
I feel dizzy, conflicted. I wonder how far I can let this go and still keep things from unraveling. I know I shouldn’t want this, but everything about this feels impossible to resist. The way he’s already inside my head and getting harder to ignore.
I look through the glass walls of my office and see James. He’s the only one still here, working. The click of his keyboard echoes through the empty office.
He glances up, and I offer a smile and wave goodbye, juggling the roses and my purse as I make my way to the elevator intent on getting home and leaving this day behind me.
My bones ache with defeat as I sink into the driver’s seat of my car.
