“What happened to Johnny back in Michigan?”
My eyes burned again just from thinking about it. “I can’t talk about that tonight.”
She looked so sad. “You blame yourself.”
“I have reasons.”
I watched her struggle with her desire to press me on it. “His parents weren’t good to him when it happened, were they?”
I shook my head.
She pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers. “Please tell me that you didn’t think we’d send you away like that? Like they did to him?”
“Aw, no Mom! His parents are assholes.”
She smiled at me, but she looked pained. “Sending you to that Christian school was a mistake, wasn’t it? I can only imagine what they preached about…” she swallowed.
Shit. Now Mom was sitting here, blaming herself for my troubles. And that made no sense at all. “This isn’t the school’s fault,” I told her.Though it didn’t help.
“We only sent you there because the public school was struggling.”
“Iknow, Mom. It’s okay.”
“If it was okay, you wouldn’t have waited years to say anything.”
“That’s on me,” I said. “Allon me.” But it was finally dawning on me that keeping secrets hurt people. I already knew that it hurt Rikker. I saw it in his eyes every day. But it hadn’t occurred to me that my parents deserved to know the important things in my heart. They were honest with me, and I hadn’t given them the benefit of the doubt.
Looking at my mom’s face right then, I saw a lot of hurt. And here’s the crazy thing — I knew without a doubt that her sadness had nothing to do with the fact that Rikker was my boyfriend. And it hadeverythingto do with my not telling her sooner. “I wish I’d said something before.” Not that I’d ever had the urge to. But I was beginning to understand why she deserved it.
“Me too,” she said, pulling me into another hug. “But I’m glad you told me now.”
My phone buzzed with a text, and after I untangled myself from Mom, I checked it. It was Rikker saying he’d left his Spanish book next to my bed, and asking if he could come over later. I told him yes, without giving any other details. Man, he wasn’t going tobelievewhat I’d done tonight.
For a little while, Mom read me some more Roman history. But both of us were too exhausted to take it in.
“I might go to the hotel,” my mother said on a yawn. “Unless you don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m good,” I said.And I won’t be alone. This was going to get weirder before it got easier.
She closed the book, grabbing my face in two hands. “Mikey, are you sure you’re okay right now? Would you tell me if you weren’t?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m tired, too. But I’m okay. Are you going to talk to Dad?”
She hesitated. “He’ll probably call. What am I allowed to say?”
I just shrugged. “I’m not going to call him myself right now. I’m too exhausted. You can say something or not. Whatever seems right.” I didn’t want her to have to do my work for me. But I couldn’t ask Mom to lie, either.
She squeezed my arm. “Try to get some rest.”
“I will.”
She hugged me one more time. Hard. And then she was gone.
—Rikker
I’d texted Graham earlier asking if I could come by later. He had replied immediately.Was hoping U would.
Well, shit. That made me feel like a million bucks.Awesome. I’ll txt b4 I come up.
