“Hedoeslove you.”
She flapped a hand, making the universal sign forenough already. “I don’t usually fall for people. And whenever I do, it’s a huge disaster.”
“We have that in common, then.” I moved closer to her on the bench. “Come here, would you?”
She hesitated. Then she leaned in, letting me wrap my arms around her. “Idefinitelyhate you right now,” she said in a small voice.
“I know.”
“I hate Graham more.”
“He’s kind of an idiot,” I said. She giggled, her face in my neck. But a few tears came along for the ride, too. “Bella, for what it’s worth, I don’t think he ever knew how you felt about him.” This was weird, really. Comforting my friend because she couldn’t have my lover. But whatever.
“I never told him. Because I knew it wouldn’t help. He didn’t love me. I just didn’t knowwhy. But everything makes so much more sense now. Graham likesguys. That’s why he would only have sex drunk. And that’s why I always had to work so hard to…”
“…That’s T.M.I.” Thankfully, she didn’t finish that thought. I didn’t want to hear anything about the sex they had. Partly I was jealous. But also, I felt protective of poor Graham. For a few minutes I just held her. And then, at the risk of setting her off, I said what I had to say. “Bella, please don’t tell anyone.”
She jerked away from me, her expression fierce. “Is that why you’re being nice to me? So I’ll keep his little secret?”
I pulled her to me again. “No. And you know it. You’re my friend. Pretty much my only one.”
She made an irritated sound, but didn’t pull away. “Why does it have to be such a big secret, anyway?”
“Seriously? Do you think I make this look fun?”
She put her chin on my shoulder. “If everybody came out at once, it wouldn’t be a thing anymore.”
“Dream on. I’ve been comfy in the closet before. Christian school, and all.”
She looked up at me. “Jesus saves. Unless you’re gay?”
I gave her a squeeze. “That’s exactly right.”
“Graham went there for four years?” she asked.
“Six, because we did the middle school first. Fire and brimstone, and reading, writing and arithmetic.”
“God, what a mess.” She sighed, her head dropping onto my shoulder again. “I just can’t even…” Her sentences kept stopping and starting. But shock will do that to a person. After a while, though, she seemed to calm down. “What happened between you two, before?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. It’s not my story to tell.”
“Sure it is.” When I shook my head again, her brow furrowed. “It must have been something bad. And that’s why you didn’t want me to put you in that other hotel room together.” She clapped a hand onto her forehead.
“That turned out okay,” I said quickly.
“For you.” Her laugh was dark. “The night we met, Itoldyou that I was afraid you’d cut in on my action.”
“When I said that it would never happen, I really believed it.”
Bella let out a big groan. “Fuck. I loved Graham in spite of his dark corners. I thought someday he’d realize he felt the same way about me.” She was quiet for a moment, her hands over her eyes. “Saying it out loud sounds so pathetic.”
I took a big slug of my rapidly cooling coffee, and then offered her a hand. “You aren’t pathetic.”
“I am, though,” she insisted. “It’s just that usually I can get through the day without being reminded of it. Fucking Graham. Why didn’t he just tell me?”
Because he couldn’t even tell himself. “You’ll have to ask him.”
We sat there in silence a little longer. “You and Graham,” Bella said under her breath. “Damn. I don’t suppose you’d let me watch? That would be pretty hot.”
