Graham squeezed my hand, which he was still holding. Weird.
On the fourth floor, we looked around for the right set of room numbers. And I was so eagerly scanning the signs that I didn’t notice the woman standing outside a room at the end of the hall until we were almost upon her.
My mother.
As we moved toward her, I watched her mouth fall open.
Nice to see you, too, Mom. “How is she?” I asked without preamble.
“What ishedoing here?” she asked.
Beside me, Graham’s body went completely still. But he did not remove his hand from mine.
There was a nasty silence, and then I felt Skippy push past my other side, as if to get a better look. “That’s her?” he asked. For obvious reasons, he’d never met my mother. “That’s the crazy bitch who calls herself your mom?”
“Skip,” Ross warned. “Simmer down.”
“You think I should bepolite?” My ex-boyfriend spat. “Fine. Thank you, Mrs. Rikker, for kicking your son out when he was sixteen. Because if you hadn’t, someone else would have had to take my virginity.”
My mother gasped, and clenched her fists. And it seemed entirely possible that I was about to witness a physical altercation between my mother and my ex-boyfriend, who was currently wearing a pink t-shirt readingPower Bottoms for Jesus. The dog, sensing trouble, chose that moment to let out a high-pitched yip. And Graham squeezed my hand as if he meant to solder himself to me.
At that moment, I felt as if I was looking down at my whole life from above. And what I saw washysterical. A gurgle of inappropriate laughter contracted my stomach.
“Don’tlaugh, Rikky,” Skippy said, his voice tight.
But why not, right? Because the only thing really wrong was the fact that my grandmother had just had a stroke. All the rest was, as Coach liked to say,noise.
Ross put two meaty hands on Skippy’s shoulders and eased him back. “You’re upsetting Bella,” he said. “And if that happens, we’ll get thrown out of here.”
“It would be worth it,” Skippy snapped.
My mother spoke again. “You are not welcome here,” she said. And something in her tone made me pay attention. To my horror, she was pointing at Graham.
I didn’t even know that it was physically possible to go so quickly from zen to absolutely enraged. My chest squeezed like a vice, and I actually gagged for a second on my own haste to shut my mother up. I was finished being wounded by her. But you do not get tosaythat shit to Graham.
But it wasn’t me who told her off. And it wasn’t Skippy, either.
“Oh,hellno,” Graham spat. His hand finally let go of mine, but only because he wrapped it around my shoulder instead. “That is noteventrue.” His voice was shaking, the same way mine would be if I even tried to speak right now. “It took me sixyearsto realize that I am welcome here, andyouare not going to change that.”
My mother’s face was bright red. “You’re not helping,” she whispered. “Except to condemn him to hell.”
And there it was. No appeal to my mother could ever breech the seawall. Her Bible was her rulebook. And it wouldn’t even help if Skippy started in on his list of all the contradictory shit in the Bible: thou shalt not eat bacon, or wear clothing of mixed threads. That wouldn’t matter to my mother. Because she had been taught to fear rather than to think. And she was good at fear. A real pro.
“BOYSSS!” came a warble from inside the hospital room.
My grandmother’s voice woke me from my stupor. I gave Graham a little nudge toward the open doorway. We went inside, where my father and my uncle Alan stood, their asses parked side-by-side against the windowsill. “Gran,” I said, coming over to kiss her. She looked bright-eyed today, although her face was pale and puffy.
Skippy and Ross followed, and it was now quite crowded.
“I need to talk to John,” Gran said, her words not quite clear. With her left hand, she shooed my father and uncle toward the door.
Skippy took the hint, too. “Good to see you, Mrs. Rikker,” he said. “My mom will be by later.” He gave her a wave and tugged Ross out the door with him.
My father followed them. But on his way past me he stopped. Then he put a hand on my shoulder. “John,” he said simply. And I could feel his eyes heavy on my face. But I couldn’t go there right now. I wasn’t ready to have a Moment with this man who had not stood up for me when I needed him. After a few seconds, he reluctantly let go of me and walked out.
Graham also detached his arm from my back, but I caught him by the hand. “Stay,” I said. I didn’t want him in the hallway with my parents. I shut Gran’s door and faced her.
“I haven’t done the right thing,” Gran said.
