“Stop,” he grinned and wiped his eyes. “You’re making me leak.”
“Ha-ha. Bunny you are adorable.”
“More like adorkable. At least that’s what Jobe calls it, then he laughs and hugs me.”
“He adores you, Bunny. We all do.”
“I found my family,” Beck said as he snuggled into me. “I’m finally home.”
Ask me when the last time I cried was and I couldn’t tell you. But there we stood, holding each other in the hallway ofourhouse crying. I cried for those who never loved my boy, I cried for the blood related family he lost, I cried for all the years he spent alone.
I cried because my world was finally complete now that Beck was in it.
“Happy tears make all the bad ones go away, Daddy. I love you.”
“Beck, I love you more than words can say, and I can promise that I’ll love you forever.” I wasn’t one to make promises for fear of breaking them, but this one was easy to keep.
“I can’t ask for more than that.” He hopped up and kissed me, nearly knocking me out in the process. “Oopsy, sorry, Daddy.”
“One thing neither of us should ever have to apologize for is loving each other. How about when Daddy gets back, we take a road trip out to Cali so you can meet my family?”
You could hear the brakes in his head skid to a halt.
“Daddy?” the quizzical look he gave me was hilarious. “Isn’t that like a big-time step?”
“It is. Are you not ready for that?” Had I misread his feelings? Maybe ordering his engagement ring was a bit premature.
“Ooohhh, I’ve never been on a road trip. Do we get lots of munchies and sing songs and stuff?”
I loved his enthusiasm. “We absolutely can but it’s only about a four drive.” Though I knew I’d make the most out of his first trip, he was far too excited for me to pass up the opportunity.
“Yay! But what if they don’t like me?” That quivering lip would be the death of me.
“Sweetheart, you’ve already spoken with them and they adore you.”
Beck shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s the in-person meetings when people reject you.”
Fuck. Me.
“Come, let’s sit and talk.”
I took his hand and led him over to the sofa, tugging him onto my lap. Beck tucked his against my shoulder and nuzzled my neck.
“My love, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to about your past. But some of your comments lead me to believe you need an ear to bend. Had someone come to adopt you only to turn around and leave?” My heart raced as he took his time finding the right words. Either that or he sought the courage to admit it aloud.
“Yes, more than once. They wanted babies and toddlers. I don’t understand how no one adopted me when I was one. I went straight from being born into the system to staying there until I aged out.” His tears dampened my shirt collar and I squeezed him tighter. “Maybe I had too much energy for them? I know I’m cute enough. I’m adorable, dang it!”
His proclamation nearly had me giggling, but I reined it in. This was a very serious moment. “You, my sweet Bunny, are beyond adorable. I’m sorry they made you feel like you weren’tworth keeping, because to me you’re worth all the gold in the world. Your smiles brighten my days. Your giggles fill me with happiness like I’ve never known before. When you walk into the room my universe is immediately righted.”
There was no way to fix his past or I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Sob.“I’m just afraid you’re gonna leave me too.”
Now we got to the root of the issue and the glimpse of the abandonment issues I’d seen. Should I take the big-time step, as Beck called it, by asking for his hand now, or at my parents’ house? My mother would be over the moon to witness it firsthand.
“Beck,” I tilted his chin up. “You are Daddy’s forever and I’ll never let you go.”
My normally energetic, happy bunny who hopped around the house non-stop slowly dozed off in my arms as his crying subsided. Had he needed to open up to someone? I’d failed as a daddy if so. I’d purposely avoided these conversations, waiting for him to broach the subject first. Apparently, that was a big daddy fail on my end. Whether exhausted from the relief of letting this out, or the emotional aspect, possibly both, my sweet Bunny lazily napped in my arms.
