When you’re out hooking up with new people all the time, sex isn’t ever an issue. It just gets done. It’s the whole point. And I’m not saying I don’t have anything else to offer in terms of arelationship—I personally think I have a lot—maybe too much—but sex is hands down my favorite way to spend time with someone. I don’t like hikes or outdoorsy shit. I work out to stay fit because I’m kind of vain, and this is San Francisco. If you don’t look good, you’re in the minority, and I don’t want that. I want men to want me.
Like this.
Deacon might take his workouts more seriously than I do, but so far he’salwaysdown to fuck, and that makes him perfect for me. By midnight on Saturday, I’m so cum-drunk, he has to stay with me in the shower.
While I could probably manage it myself, I’m not projecting as much competence as usual. While we’re in there, I beg him to suck my dick. He doesn’t, but he does let me fuck him when we get back to bed, so…
By Sunday morning, I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve had sex.
We stumble into Sunday afternoon, and I know he’s getting ready to leave. It’s an unspoken thing between us that Evan will be back this evening, and I don’t think either of us wants to make him wonder where Deacon is.
Part of him leaving involves me pinning him to the bed and kissing him like I might never see him again. That’s not the plan at all, but I’m nervous, and he’s letting me take it out on him.
This time, however, I’m imagining what it would look like if Evan were the one on top of him. I think about what it would be like if I’d wanted this man for months and months and he was offering himself to me for the first time. It’s hard to imagine what it would take to live with a man like Deacon and not want him constantly. The fact that Evan has been doing just that since summer seems impossible to me, but maybe I’m biased. I find them both ridiculously sexy, but my affection for Evan means Iwant him to have what he wants. I thought it might be me, but I was wrong.
My heart will go on and all that, but fuck if I want his to get broken in the process.
“Did you ever think of giving him a chance?” I ask between the grinds and the effort I’m making not to leave marks all over Deacon’s neck.
“Who?”
I wrap my hand around his head and bury my mouth beneath his ear. “Evan.”
He sucks in a breath. “Do you want me to?”
“I’m not trying to give you away or anything, but if you need a recommendation for a great guy…Evan’s right up there with the best.”
He palms my ass and aligns our bare cocks a little better. “Why does everyone want me to fuck my roommate?”
“I didn’t say you have to fuck him, but—” An image of that hits me. More specifically, an image of me watching them together. Involving myself somehow—not directing, but…I don’t know…supporting? Managing any gaps. I’ve topped two men at once before—they were a couple if I’m remembering right, and they approached me having heard some things through mutuals. I remember taking turns on them, going from one to the other and back.
That’s not what I’m picturing now. Fuck, I’m picturing Evan’s mouth on my cock while Deacon’s riding his ass and kissing me.
I pull away and take a few deep breaths.
“But what?” Deacon asks.
“Nothing,” I mutter. No man wants to hear the guy on top of him is picturing a threesome.
But fuck, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I slide off Deacon and lie close to his side, my hand moving across his chest from pec to pec. “Who else is telling you to have sex with him?”
“My therapist. My friend. Apparently my whole friend group knew he liked me—said it was obvious.”
“You’re not interested?”
“I…” he trails off. “Am I allowed to be?”
“You know how I feel about him.”
“If there were someone I wanted to be closer to, it’d probably be him,” Deacon says. “Not including you.”
I pinch his nipple, and his abs tense with a short laugh. “Obviously me,” I say. “He’s pretty insecure if you haven’t noticed. There’s some reality where he just wants to be included, you know?”
“Oh—in this?”
I shrug. “Anything’s possible in alternate realities.”
“But in this one where we’re stuck…”
