“It’s easier than coding,” he says before going back to humming, ending the song. I only realize I’ve been staring at his face when he lifts his eyes, and they meet mine. Suddenly we seem much too close. His gaze drops to my mouth, and all the ways I ever pined for him feel like they’ve concentrated themselves into a ball of deep, deep want, and it’s lodged in my throat.
He shifts subtly forward, and I hold my breath. His gaze drops to my mouth. Quickly, I pull my arm away and stand. “Want some water?”
“Um…I’m good.”
I’m already halfway to the kitchen. “I’m thirsty.”
“Did I make you uncomfortable?”
“I’m okay.”
“I’m sorry if I did,” he says.
My heart eyes are back in full force, but my mind is a fucking brothel. “Do you ever play video games? I know you don’t like TV, but?—”
“I haven’t in a while, but it sounds fun.”
Fun. I’m more fun. All of a sudden, the word has a whole new meaning.
“I got a new game I haven’t had a chance to play yet, so if you’re determined to hang around…”
“Sure,” he says. “And yeah, I’m pretty determined.”
I’m not even going to try to understand what’s happening. If my experience with Deacon and Isaac taught me anything it’s that life is much easier when I go with the flow. “Okay. So do you want anything to drink?”
“Water sounds good.”
I pour two glasses and set them on the coffee table before I connect the PlayStation and load the game. It’s a dystopian first person shooter with killer graphics. While I do have to sit on the couch to see the TV properly, I make sure I’m a few feet from Deacon. I don’t trust myself, and I’m not sure I can trust him not to do something stupid, either. Within about thirty minutes, we’re totally absorbed in the world of the game and carrying on a conversation that flows with a perfectly normal rhythm and banter.
“I think this is one of Millie’s,” Deacon says at some point during the second quest.
I immediately have to put down my controller and google it. “You’re right. I thought there was something familiar about it.”
“Kinda like her tattoos, right?” he asks.
I study the graphic style, the flowers in the landscape in particular, and it’s undeniable, the mark she left on the game. “Never tell her I said this, but I swear this makes her ten times cooler.”
“Agreed. And I won’t say anything.”
After an hour, I decide this is probably the best time I’ve ever had with Deacon, including the times we’ve had sex. For the first time ever, it feels like his guard is completely down, and he’s just saying whatever pops into his head in whatever way it comes out. He’s laughing, making sound effect noises, and occasionally standing so he can “have more accuracy.”
My face hurts from smiling.
And then we get to the sex scene.
Granted, it’s a hetero sex scene, and not porn level explicit, but there’s a hand job, an implied blow job, and a passionate horizontal interlude with highly realistic sound effects. I keep my controller on my lap to hide my erection. Deacon just adjusts himself and drains what’s left of his water, but his gaze is as glued to the screen as mine is.
“Wasn’t expecting this,” he says as it goes on. “The creators must have been really proud of it.”
I try really hard not to think about Millie having anything to do with this part. “I kind of saw it coming when they met in the underground bar,” I say, staying on topic.
“It’s literally long enough to jerk off to.”
“I think that was probably what they had in mind.”
“If you were by yourself?—”
“Yeah,” I say. “Would’ve worked on me.”
