You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.
Same goes for your ass. Sorry, not sorry.
The first time we kissed it felt like the hundredth time. Not in a bad way. It felt like something we’d been doing. Like every time you smiled at me before had actually been a kiss. Every time you ran interference for me at a party was a kiss while you were holding both my hands. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Bailey said it was obvious and I guess it was to people who aren’t like me. I get why your relationship with your ex fucked you up. Having that crush on Ryan only to watch him fall for someone else kind of fucked me up for roommates, too. But you’re not Ryan. When I saw what Ryan was like with Mal, it was obvious he and I would have never worked. When you kissed me, it felt like you and I could have.
You’re more fun to have sex with than Isaac. He’s epic, don’t get me wrong, and I’m sure you agree, but I never thought of sex as fun before I had it with you. Not that I want you back online, but I think your camboy era really paid off. You take a dildo beautifully, and that shit’s a skill.
It was always gonna be a minute before I was able to settle down with you. You’ve always challenged me kind of like my therapist and Bailey do. The thing is I find you way more attractive than I find them, so my brain sort of scatters whenever I’m around you. You make me nervous and excited and scared because I know you like me, and I don’t ever want to fuck that up.
I wouldn’t have done anything with Isaac if I’d known you two were fucking. You can say there weren’t feelings, but the fact that you weren’t dating anyone else the whole time you lived with me—at least I don’t think you did—kind of indicates that you had some feelings about him.
You’re my best friend. I didn’t just steer clear of you because we were roommates. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship.
I never wanted you out of the way. I only wanted you to want me there as much as Isaac did.
To be continued.
Blinking through my tears, I scroll up and check the date again. February 27th. A few days after I moved to LA.
Clicking out of the note, I find another text from Deacon.
Deacon
