He nods.
Evan isn’t in his room, and when I check the kitchen, I find a note on the counter.
At Sam’s. I’ll be home later.
–Evan
I take the note with me to Deacon’s room and show him.
“I think I might have really fucked this up, Isaac.”
I study the short note again. “Let’s just give him some time. Can I hold you?”
“Yeah.”
I take my pants and shirt back off. We arrange ourselves in bed, chest to chest, and hold each other while we wait.
37
DEACON
Isaac’s buzzing phone isn’t what’s keeping me awake, although it is annoying. I can’t sleep because of Evan. It’s not some big shock that he wanted nothing more to do with me tonight after some of the shit that came out of my mouth, but until I get my thoughts more put together, I’m terrified to talk to him for fear of pushing him farther away.
Isaac fell asleep not long after we found out that Evan went to Sam’s, so I put my earbuds in to listen to some music and try to make a plan for how to get us back on track.
I don’t know how throuples are supposed to work. Are there rules? Like everyone has to be involved at all times? Or do I need permission from Evan to be alone with Isaac? Do I want him to ask me first if he needs to be alone with him?
I don’t think Isaac cares when or how many times Evan and I have sex as long as we’re ready for him when he’s around, which Ialwaysam, but I get Evan’s not built like me. Or like Isaac.
Given Isaac’s promise that he won’t give up on me and wants me in his life, it’s possible I overreacted when I went off on Evan. I should have known better than to try talking to him alone. I should have written him a letter or something. Or—crazythought—made love to him. Because I do know how to do that now. If he knew how strong my feelings were for him, not only would he have understood why I was so agitated, he would have gotten to see what I failed to say. That I want this to work, and he’s half the reason why.
Bailey got in my head—my own fear of losing Isaac took on a life of its own, but I’m not afraid anymore. He said exactly what I needed to hear. Went above and beyond. I just hope he didn’t risk Evan in the process.
I turn on the lamp as Isaac finally climbs out of bed to go on the hunt for his phone. When I realize what time it is, I’m pissed at myself for not waking him sooner.
He’s at the foot of the bed, his pants in hand as he feels around and then digs the phone out of a pocket.
He frowns at the screen. “I don’t recognize this number.” He swipes the screen. “Hello? Yes. Wait—where? Jacob Sullivan? Is he all right? Yes, I’m his brother.”
He tucks the phone between his shoulder and his ear and turns his pants right side out, moving to put them on. I sit up and look for my own pants. They’re by the bedroom door.
Isaac’s voice rises. “What does that mean? Critical? Is heokay?”
This sounds bad. Forgetting about my lounge pants, I go to my closet and grab a pair of jeans.
“I’m coming,” he says. “No—I’ll take care of that. I’m the only one you need to contact. I can be there soon, but if anything changes—okay. Okay. Thank you. I’m on my way.”
I zip up my jeans. “What’s going on?”
“My brother—he was attacked? I’m not sure. He’s?—”
Distracted or upset—I can’t tell which—Isaac stops talking and dresses quickly. “I have to go.”
“Let me drive you,” I say.
“No, I—you have work and Jake is…” He shoves his hands through his hair and looks around for his shirt. “Fuck,” he whispers. “I don’t understand what could have happened.”
His shirt is hanging off the side of the bed, and I pick it up to hand him. “Did they say what his injuries are?”
