Something in me deflates. Evan didn’t put himself in the middle.Iput him in the middle. Because I want him in my life so much, I would ask anything of anyone to keep him here.
“Help me out, because when you were at the farmer’s market, it looked like you guys were solid.”
“I guess he’s over it. He wantsyou,” Evan says. “He’ll take me if I’m part of the package, but this could be what that looks like. So if that’s what you want…”
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” I say.
“You can’t know that, Isaac. I know you want us all to be happy and in love, but you’ve never been in a relationship like this before, either. You should have let me go when I asked you to.”
“Let you go? What happened to the guy who wanted me five days a week every week for the last five months?”
Evan’s gaze makes him look dead inside. “That guy thought he was enough for you.”
“No.” I refuse to allow those words to occupy any space. “You never thought that. You never tried to stop me from dating other men,which I noticed. So what is this really about?”
“You had to know this wouldn’t be easy. That you couldn’t just snap your fingers and have two boyfriends who had no baggage or insecurities, right?”
“So, what? You want me tochoose?” I gesture in the direction of Deacon’s room. “What happened to the crush you had onhim?”
“He fell foryou.”
“You’re being impossible.”
“Then pick him.”
I stare hard at Evan and shake my head. “I’m not fucking picking anyone.I can’t.”
Evan hangs his head. “I know you can’t,” he whispers.
In the silence, I rub a hand on my brow and look over my shoulder. Deacon’s still not out here, and maybe it’s better that way, but I want him.
“Go,” he says in a low voice.
I turn back to him. “You want me to leave?”
“No, I mean go to him.”
“Are you coming?”
He shakes his head. “Not tonight.”
“Why does this feel like a trap?”
He closes his eyes, a look of resignation pulling at his beautiful features. “It’s not a trap. He needs you.”
I hate this. He’s shoving me away, and I feel it as much as I would if he were using his actual hands and the full force of his weight. “And you?”
“I need to think.”
I fucking hate the way he says it. It’s like a hammer to my heart. I don’t want to leave the room without him. It feels like if I do, I might never see him again. “I’m just gonna check on him. Can we talk afterwards?”
He opens his eyes but doesn’t look at me. “You know where I live.”
I leave the mess in the sink and Evan at the table to walk down the bedroom hallway and hope like hell he’ll still be here when I’m done making sure Deacon is all right. I knock lightly on Deacon’s door. I’m planning to open it after a second, but he opens it for me. He’s changed into a pair of lounge pants, no shirt. “What’s going on?” he asks.
“Can I come in?”
He frowns when he doesn’t see Evan, but steps aside. I walk in, and he closes the door behind me. I turn to find him leaning back on it, looking at me like he’ll take me any way I come. A complete change in demeanor.
