“I don’t know how to ask,” I admit. “And whatever it is—he’s probably getting it from Isaac.”
“It sounds like you know what’s missing.”
I shake my head. “They’re not like me. They talk to each other. They say feelings and they know each other and they like—read each other’s minds or something.”
“Whoa. Let’s not go there. You’ve said you feel a connection with Isaac that doesn’t necessarily involve words—yes?”
“Yeah, but?—”
“But it sounds like you think Evan needs the words.”
“Is that what you think?” I ask.
“I’ve never met him.”
“Well, for someone who said they were super into me, he doesn’t seem very happy to have me.”
Gray rubs his forehead. “No?”
I realize it’s sometimes exhausting trying to have a conversation with me. Gray has a few tells—the under the breath comments and the impatient open-ended questions. But he does help me, so I keep showing up. He’s taught me a lot about how to interpret non-verbal communication both with direct coaching, and also with just—the way he is. He’s not subtle, and more often than not, he’ll tell me how he’s feeling, allowing me to put a name with the corresponding sigh or facial expression. “He’s been really quiet.”
“Do you think he’s jealous?”
“He is jealous,” I say.
“Oh, he’s mentioned it, then.”
I nod.
“Well, that was helpful of him.”
“I told you he gets me.”
“And how are you addressing his jealousy?”
“I don’t know that I am. I mean—he’s not the only one. I think we all are to some extent.”
“You’re gonna hate what I have to say.”
I wait.
“You need to give it time.”
“I do hate that. It’s not helpful.”
“Trying to define a three-way relationship after less than a week isn’t possible.”
“Is that in one of your textbooks?” I ask.
He chuckles. “It’s more of a theory.”
It’s my turn to sigh heavily.
“Maybe go ahead and have the meal before you do anything else. Give yourselves a chance to breathe and talk. Process.”
“That’s not always comfortable for me.”
“You like cooking.”
