Jasper smiled. Then he returned his gaze to the pond. “It’s been months. And I still don’t understand what happened.”
A gust of wind blew and whisked snowflakes against his cheeks. He straightened and pulled his coat tighter around himself, fighting the urge to shiver. Kali stepped in close to him.
The wind died away. Jasper began to walk. Kali trotted along behind him.
His feet crunched through the thick snow, his footsteps slow. They had been slow since the accident. Walking took more effort now. Everything took more effort since the accident.
The healer had come to their home the day he’d fallen and landed in the pond. He had examined Jasper. He’d cleaned Jasper’s scrapes and minor wounds and prescribed him elothea seed tea. He’d said Jasper would be fine after a few days of rest.
Months later and Jasper still was not fine.
His whole body ached. He grew tired quickly. He had constant headaches. He often felt nauseous, light-headed, or dizzy. With only a little exertion, his heart would race and he’d struggle to breathe.
Even though the healer had been wrong about Jasper’s recovery, at least the elothea tea provided some relief. The healer had no idea why Jasper hadn’t recovered. No one knew why.
Leo and Grady suggested finding a new healer.
Jasper wasn’t interested.
A healer won’t help me. I am certain that the answer to what is going on is here, in the forest. I can feel it in my blood. In my bones. It’s here. I know it is here!
Jasper inhaled the frigid air, letting it fill his lungs. Strangely, he could breathe easier in the forest. He ached less too, he could walk easier, and he tired less quickly. He was not his old self. But he was stronger here.
But why? None of it made any sense. It was all a fucking mystery.
The answer has to be here!
Jasper kept walking and looking around. But what exactly was he searching for? Or more specifically, who? Because Jasper couldn’t shake the feeling he was searching for someone. He’d felt like that since waking after his accident.
Jasper walked on, no idea where he headed. He just kept going onwards, propelled by a never-ending restlessness and need that consumed him. He rubbed at his chest, directly over his heart, as if that would soothe the constant yearning burning inside him and pushing him onwards.
He always needed. Always yearned. Always pined.
But what did he need? Who did he yearn and pine for?
Jasper stopped walking. He exhaled, and it fogged the air.
Kali nudged him. She’d been by his side since the accident. She’d followed him home. Then followed him around his apartment. She’d lain beside him in his bed. Then come with him to the forest or the bakery or wherever he went. It had seemed only natural that Jasper make her his familiar.
“Just a little longer.” Jasper glanced down at Kali. “We’ll stay out just a little longer and then go home.”
He could sense Kali’s concern and protectiveness through the witch-familiar bond.
“I just feel that there is something out here.” Jasper waved at the forest. “If I could just find it, then everything would be okay again. I’d be well again. I’d be my old self.”
Everything would go back to normal, including his relationship with Leo. And the never-ending ache and restlessness inside him would finally stop. He could finally be at peace. He could sleep properly.
Because at the moment, his dreams were filled with him wandering and searching the forest. But sometimes in his dreams, he found what he was looking for. And in sleep, for a moment he’d feel complete. Safe. Warm. Loved.
Then he’d wake. And he couldn’t remember what it was he’d found or that had made him feel whole again. He’d lie awake in bed, trying to recall, as if that would be a clue to what he was searching for in the forest.
“Just a little longer,” he said once more.
They continued. Now Jasper came out into the forest almost every day, regardless of the weather, trying to find answers to a question he didn’t know.
Closing his eyes, Jasper paused. He took several deep breaths. He just wanted to rest. But he couldn’t. Not with the constant longing gnawing at his insides.
“I’m so fucking tired,” he said aloud to the frosty air.
