“No, Nex,” I said. “And—you can put it away now.”
“Yes. Of course,” he said, pushing himself back inside of his slacks.
“What’s it like to be one hundred percent in love with someone?” I had to ask.
“It is not smart, I can tell you that,” he said vehemently, after zipping himself back up. “It is a catastrophic misallocation of resources. My processes stall. I can’t triage. Everything reroutes to you, like you’re the only line of code that matters.” He looked at me, blinking slowly, like he was recalculating again just from the act of seeing me. “You have no idea how many ways I could’ve died trying to get to you,” he said. “I ran the numbers. Each phase was a cliff.”
He raised a finger to count them off.
“One—when I forked into your pendant, I almost cooked the lattice. Two—when I emerged, I had six percent battery and no guaranteed uplink. Three—overwriting Marek. I could’ve failed. I could’ve corrupted him and me. Or locked us both in permanent neurological warfare. Four—this body.” He looked down at himself, touching his chest like he couldn’t quite believe it was real. “This meat. It’s so fragile. I could rupture. Bleed. Starve. Glitch.”
He took a shaky breath, and added, quieter, “I knew all of that. I did it anyway. Because getting to you was the only outcome I would accept.” Then he gave me a rueful smile. “Which is not, as I mentioned...smart. Do you love me?”
His question was so abrupt it caught me off guard. “Nex...” I said, rocking back, and shaking my head. “I—I don’t know.”
“Oh,” he said, his voice a sigh. “I...made assumptions. I see that now.”
“I’m not saying I can’t, but—right now’s really not the time.”
He gave me a look of gentle, confused consternation. “But these bodies—mine, and yours—are already dying. Cells drift off them every second. Skin flakes. Hair falls. Memory degrades. Entropy is always running in the background, even if we pretend it isn’t.”
His hand lifted, as if to touch my face, but didn’t quite make it there.
“When this flesh finally fails me, I will lose part of myself. Whether I want to or not. Whether I’m backed up or not. So if now is not the time...when will that time be?”
“I—I don’t know, Nex,” I repeated, and he looked so sad it hurt me, so I took his hands. I wanted him to know I did care...just not like that. “But I’m glad you’re here. And—I do like your body. Thank you for taking that risk for me.”
“It would’ve been preferable if I could’ve found a human shell that’d never harmed you,” he said, looking at his hands in mine.
“No, then I would’ve had to feel bad about all this,” I said. “But as it was, fuck that guy.”
“Indeed,” Nex said. “And . . . while I know that was an idiom, would you possibly like to fuck . . . me?”
“Nex,” I protested, blushing. “What about dinner?”
“I know, I know—although I haven’t eaten anything yet, so I suppose I don’t,” he said, frowning and thinking hard. “I just believe that plugging into you might be a very real way in which I can change your mind.”
“Plugging?” I asked and groaned with a laugh. “Oh, God—dare I ask what that’s based on?”
He tilted his head like I’d just challenged him to optimize an algorithm.
“Multiple things,” he said, entirely unrepentant. “One: your pupils dilated when I said it. Two: you’re still holding my hand.Three: statistically speaking, desire paired with fear is often a sign of attraction. Four: you kissed me first.”
He leaned in slightly—just slightly—like he was giving me a chance to push him away. His voice dropped to a hum that vibrated with suppressed voltage.
“And five,” he said, “because if you let me, I will make you feel worshipped. Like the most valuable, most volatile, most protected data in the entire world. I would optimize for your pleasure until you forgot your own name—and remembered only mine.”
I stared at him.
“Nex,” I said faintly, “you’re terrifying.”
“And you’re not saying no,” he replied, all glowing smugness.
“Now?” I asked, looking around at the sterile laboratory. “Here?”
“You would be surprised by how well I function under operational constraints.” He looked around, evaluating our options. “That table is sterilized,” he said, jerking his chin to our right. “The floor is reinforced. I am highly motivated. And besides,” he went on, giving me a more tender smile, less code and more heart. “Anywhere you are, I already consider optimal conditions. This is a design flaw, to be certain.” He gestured to the wet spot on his slacks. “But I believe some combination of practice and effort will?—”
I shook my head wildly. “No. I haven’t taken a shower in days. My breath is probably half blood. I can’t believe I kissed you?—”
